Question:

I need some serious help?

by | earlier

I have a really big problem. My fiance wants me and his ex to be friends. He says it will make him really happy. I want to make him happy. See I think she is jealous of me and hates me. I tried to be nice and call her and tell her that I was pregnant with his child and she flipped out calling me all these curse names, she would drive by my house throwing things at me.

All I want is for all of us to be one big happy family. I need to find ways to make her my friend and like me.

What can I do? I was thinking to throw her a dinner party? Or maybe just have a party in her honor?

What do you think? Does anyone have any good ideas?

Please help because I am so stressed out thinking of this.

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who gives a d**n about his ex. he wants you and her to be friends so eventually he can do ya both at the same time. Don't go out of your way to try and be her friend just cause he wants you to. you are your own person that can pick and choose your own friends.
Report (0) (0) | earlier
I think if you are having a child with this guy he needs to get rid of her. Unless they have children as well. If not she needs to go. You can't have her driving by throwing things at your kids. Or worse yet trying to be a mother to your kids and getting rid of you!
Report (0) (0) | earlier
First of all, does your fiance knows all those things she's done to you?

Then, if you really want to make him happy explain it to him that you are trying and it is not a very good idea if you are pregnant and trying to be happy to have her close to you. If it means so much to your fiance maybe he should reconsider what type of person he wants to have around his baby and his future wife. I honestly believe that you should not be throwing parties on her honor because she does not deserve it. talk to your fiance and explain it to him.
Report (0) (0) | earlier
In my opinion I think he shouldn't push you in this matter. I understand you want to make him happy but are you happy about the situation? It doesn't look like you are so you guys need to talk and the same way you tried to be her friend he needs to respect you and try to accept if that doesn't happen. Honestly i think that throwing her a party wont make much of a difference as she needs to want this friendship as well. It have to come from both ways. Be polite with her but I think you shouldn't try so hard, he needs to understand and consider your feelings as well. If you guys are going to get married and become family you should respect each other and be understanding which for what you say doesn't seem like he is being understanding. You have done your share, if she doesn't want to be friends this will never happen.
Report (0) (0) | earlier
Sounds like the "Reba" show. I would just leave all well enough alone. I think a dinner party is out of the question, especially if she has that much hatred toward you? I mean how long has it been since they parted ways? You really ought to let her cool down a bit before trying hard to be her friend.
Report (0) (0) | earlier
your fiance souldnt be expecting you to be friends with his ex when shes cursing you off mother of his child.. that is wrong .. i dont think you should have to be frrinds with her .. as a matter of fact she souldnt exist ... she should be gone.. so try expaling all that to your fiance.. and hopefully tings work for good ..
Report (0) (0) | earlier
Well for one she is his EX!!!! Now that he is with you really there should be no necessary contact between the two and for him to ask you is just rude and disrespectful the ex should be out of your lives you nor he do not need to befriend her.. If they have a child together you just have to tolerate her not be friends with her.
Report (0) (0) | earlier
Hey hey hey, Let's get his mind straight!....Not to scare u, but we don't make friends with exes unless there's some unfinished business..You may argue that's not the case, but he could've considered "would that make her feel happy" when he tells you " it''d make me feel happy".. You're pregnant with his kid, and that'd be way too much job for you to even "trying hard to be the good ex's wife",,meh

s***w that!
Report (0) (0) | earlier
Why is it soooo important that your man wants you both to be friends? have a dinner party just for you,your fiance her and a guest of her choice make it all about her with out being over the top. if she kicks off then it wont be embarrassing as it would be with a full blown party. also if your fiance sees you have made an effort and tried your best he might forget the whole thing about you all being best of friends
Report (0) (0) | earlier
I don't understand.  An ex is an ex for a reason.  You have put effort and it is not reciprocated.  You cannot make her like you and he shouldn't make you try.  It takes two.

How is she in this picture?  Most people do not want an ex in the picture.  It doesn't make sense to me why he is pushing it.

I wouldn't have a party in her honor.  If you have a cookout or something, you can feel free to invite her, but why have it in her honor when she is abusive.  Do you want your child around that kind of person?  To learn that it is okay to be degraded, to be verbally abused and get things thrown at her/his mother and that the father is okay with it?  I would reconsider that effort. You can be polite and professional, but you do not have to be her friend.  She isn't making it easy.

Your health is stressing out the baby too.  I would talk again to your fiance, have a heart to heart.  What if you had an ex, would he want you to force him to be friends with him?
Report (0) (0) |   earlier
HAHAHA tell your man to shove it and tell also tell him that all his previous ex's should be OUT OF THE PICTURE!
Report (0) (0) | earlier
I think your fiance has to wake up and realize that situations like that don't usually work out! If she is acting that way there are obviously still ties romantically between them. You need to sit your man down and have a talk about priorities! You should not have to go out of your way to make this woman like you... She sounds like a piece of trash! Who throws things at a pregnant woman! I would be more mad at your fiance for involving you with someone like that! Is there is still something going on with them?
Report (0) (0) | earlier
Why isn't your fiance telling his ex to make the first move here? Why should you have to be nice and win over a girl who acts like a child? Throwing things at you outside your own home? Are you kidding me? Tell your bf that you'd be more comfortable if she showed an interest in being friends with you before you go out of your way for her, and get decapitated by a flying knife in the process.
Report (0) (0) | earlier
personally i feel your situation is an impossible one for at least some time still. if she is the jealous person you described then reasoning with her and being polite won't phase her. Throwing a dinner party may be a help, but on the other hand you may need to tell your fiance that this situation he is putting you in is one that is near impossible to turn into a good thing, because no matter what either you or his ex is gonna end up pissed off lots of times. i feel its nearly impossible for you 2 to coexist in a friendship.
Report (0) (0) | earlier
tell yorur husband that it's out of the question for you two to be friends. sorry, you wish you could accommodate him on this request because you love him and are glad to be marrying him, but some things just can't be, and if he loves you, he won't hang this request over your head any longer and he will certainly understand that his relationship with her is to be almost non existant as he is not with you. PERIOD. END OF DISCUSSION. good luck
Report (0) (0) | earlier
he has kids by her right???? i mean you dont have to be friends with her just be adults and respect each other,,,,,but i dont know about the one big happy family.....
Report (0) (0) | earlier
What's wrong with him that he wants her in his life. If she really flipped out and threw things, then why would you want to have her in either of your lives. I would put him in check and make him understand that he needs to move on.
Report (0) (0) | earlier
You can't force friendship nor should he expect you to. This is not just about what is good for him but what is good for both of you. The way she treated you on the phone is probably a good indication of the kind of person she is.
Report (0) (0) | earlier
She's back!!!!!!!!!!
Report (0) (0) | earlier
I think I've answered this question for you like 3 times already.

Holy cow batman -- I have good advice.

LISTEN TO WHAT I TOLD YOU THE OTHER 3 TIMES I ANSWERED THIS FOR YOU!!

Either that or give up and stop posting it.  You post this question multiple times a day it's getting old!
Report (0) (0) |   earlier
The only good idea is keep her away. You don't seem too bright.
Report (0) (0) | earlier
Life is hard enough between a man and woman in a relationship. Let your fiance know you care for him. Then let him know you are happy to be with him. Let him know you are working and focusing on your relationship with him. Then let him know his ex is not part of your relationship with him. He needs to see you as his priority, not his ex. Good luck.
Report (0) (0) | earlier
wow that does sound like a big problem

well if your fiance doesn't know she does all these things, you should tell me.

If he does know about those things then i dont think he should try and make you girls friends, specially if shes throwing things are you even if your pregnant

eather that or he should try and talk to her about how he loves you, and theres a reason why shes his ex, and atleasae try and make his ex relize that hes with you and theres nothing she can do about it

and just give in and be friends with you

~myspace.com/jeffkamm
Report (0) (0) | earlier
i think he has some wierd 3 somne fantasy
Report (0) (0) | earlier
I think your fiance needs more serious help if he thinks you and his ex are to be friends.

Talk about having cake and eating it too.

I can just imagine hubby if I told him I wanted him and my ex to be friends...
Report (0) (0) | earlier
Yikes! I think you need to understand where she is coming from - she's lost him, and probably can't bear to think that he has moved on. I don't think she would actually be willing to be your friend at the moment - she doesn't sound like she is in the right head-space to accept this - at the moment you are just the enemy. I think the only thing that you can do is not do anything that she may interpret as antagonistic, and keep clear of her (where possible). It's important that your fiance can see that you are making an effort, so if you find yourself in his and the ex's company, be sure to be nice and don't stir the pot (bringing up that you are pregnant would be a bad move - another indication that he's moved on).

Don't let her have power over you (which she does - you are scared of her, she threatens you, she gets away with poor behaviour toward you, and despite her actions you seem to want her to like you. Is this a person you really want as a friend??). Keep things simple, don't stir the pot, and don't throw her a party etc - this puts her in a position of power. If you roll over too far now, she'll always have the upper hand in any relationship you develop. Invite her and a few others to lunch at a neutral spot (invite others if for no other reason they can report to your fiance that you were friendly and behaved well and offered an olive branch to this woman). Be the bigger person and don't get sucked into reacting to her jealousy.

Your first priority is to the baby you are carrying, not this woman.

Good Luck!
Report (0) (0) | earlier