I need some words of wisdom for someone we will be confronting? (like an intervention)?

Question

We may be confronting a family member soon on his character flaws & how he really needs to change.

He has a low self esteem & so his pattern of denial is essential for him to not feel like scum. But that is why he keeps failing!

Does anyone have any good quotes about how looking at the ugly side of your self is the only we to get better?

Or that turning away from out dysfunctional patterns may be difficult but it is essential?

There are no drugs or alcohol involved.

I find it amazing a person can s***w up their life so much without drugs!

Question with more details & a link to more details.

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Anbx1c41Dm2HZYYEAp9782vsy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20080815094910AA5Wyd8

We want to HELP him NOT tear him down!

Answer 1

I think that if drugs and alcohol aren't involved, your intervention is (though well-intentioned) a bad move. This question makes you sound like an arrogant "I have it all figured out" kind of person, though I'm sure that's not how it is. From the link you provided, this person seems depressed. An intervention, regardless of how careful you are, is going to make him feel criticized. Why not get the name of a good psychologist or buy a good book about getting through depression, instead? Seriously, if you go through with this pompous "intervention", you're just going to further alienate him.

Answer 2

How well do you REALLY know him? Ask him about his plans, his hopes, his dreams. Then ask if this certain behavior or that certain behavior will help or hurt him in pursuing his goals. What alternatives can he pursue? Does he have friends? If not, why not? Use a lot of "I" feel statements, not "you" statements. "I get worried when you do this..." or "I feel hurt when you say that".

If he's that dysfunctional, I agree, an independent therapist might be the answer. They're not emotionally involved and they know the right questions to ask. It just could be a mental illness problem, and you couldn't identify or treat it.

Answer 3

an intervention, regardless of how well-intentioned or thought out, is always a bad idea and something that is going to alienate him from you and cause more anger and resentment and more of the 'ugly side' to show itself

people change because they want to...not because anyone else wants them to....or anyone else tries to 'make them' change.

it sounds like the real flaws are with the ones who would try to change him to conform to their own ideas of who and how he should be

when a person has had enough of failure they will get it together. he isn't there yet. he may never be....some never do....but only then will they ask for help if they need it. and then they want it and know what to do with it

Answer 4

Again, it sounds  as if you really care but confronting someone who may have a mental health issue that would be like confronting someone with cancer.

"Hey Mike, how much longer are we going to be forced to watch you s***w yourself up with your bone cancer! Life is too short, pull your socks up man, get over it!"

Low self esteem, depression, etc. are brain related and depression is a biological brain illness, as proven on PetScans. Addiction is as well, but that is not an issue here. Read a bit on the brain's limbic system, you can find easy to understand information at Wikipedia.

It's not a matter of refusing to see his problems he CAN'T see them or he thinks they are hopeless.

This person needs support. Don't gang up on him. It would be nice if one or two people talk to him in a loving and supportive manner. Don't yell or demand, or call names, keep in mind that this is a person with a disorder he did not ask for. Keep in mind the above cancer scenario. If he has depression or anxiety, or whatever, remind him he is not alone. The World Health Organization (WHO) has proclaimed depression as the #1 health issue in the world, even against cancer and heart disease. In fact some professionals believe that depression contributes to getting cancer, heart disease and other so-called physical illnesses. I say so-called because since when is the brain NOT part of ones physical body. We need to stop separating them.

Your heart is in the right place, don't confront, support. It may not work, there are only a few things we can change in life, a couple are, a baby's diaper, a flat tire, and most importantly ourselves. It is not possible to change someone else, only they can change themselves.

This video on depression may be helpful, you can buy it at the PBS online store. It is an eyeopener. Depression: Out of the Shadows.

http://www.shoppbs.org/product/index.jsp...

Good Luck! Having a friend that cares is like a pot of gold.

LEOPARDL, I understand your frustrations, and while quotes are inspiring a person can only hear them when they are ready. Sometimes a person has to hit rock bottom before they can hear, sometimes more than once. Another person cannot change another person unless they want to change. There is an old joke that goes like this, it carries a lot of truth.

"How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb?"

ANSWER: Only one, but the lightbulb has to really want to change.

I know you are worried, all you can do is be supportive.

However, here is a quote by Beethoven, the Ludwig in my member name. He said it in a letter to friend at age 31, as his deafness worsened.  I means a lot to me, hope you like it.

"I shall seize Fate by the throat, it will not bend or break me completely!"

Answer 5

I know, it IS crazy how some people have personalilty disorders that mess up their lives just as much as drugs or alcohol could.  

When your at the end oof your rope, tie a knot and hang on.

Smooth seas dont make for good sailors (in other words, let him see that his past mistakes can actually help him be a better person).

Sometimes i get really good quotes from song lyrics...can you think of some songs that you like...

Answer 6

Here's some that's really helped me through a LOT is:

1. This too, shall pass.....

2.  Instead of telling God how big your problems are, tell your problems how big your GOD is!

3.  What won't kill you will make you stronger.

4. Harships build Character.

I hope this helps you & I hope that you all will come through this successfully.