I need something funny!!!?

Question

I made a bet with my teacher that I can tell a funny joke, except i dont know any(:

so i need a funny joke, and im in 11th grade so it needs to be actually funny, not just a lam knock knock joke

thanks

Answer 1

Rover, the pub dog dies in a car accident and loses his tail.

he tries to get into doggy heaven but is told, sorry Rover, you're not the way God made you, you can't come in without a tail.

Meanwhile, his owner, in respect hangs his tail over the bar.

St Peter, sad for Rover says , "well the one night of the year you can go back is Halloween, so well  after dark you may visit your owner and get your tail back"

Rover goes back, hammers on the pub door and wakes up his owner and explains things.

"Rover!", says his owner" you were a pub dog for 10 years..you know I can't retail spirits after midnight!"..

:D

.....................

I saw an advert, it said have any woman you want...so I sent in my money and received a bottle

it was chloroform!

I thought it was aftershave..I didn't wake up for a week!

...

more? lol

Mal.

Answer 2

A Chinese pilot and a Jewish pilot were flying together for the first time, and after a long silence, the Jewish pilot says, "You know, I don't like Chinese people."  The Chinese pilot is shocked.  "Why is that?" he asks.  The Jewish pilot replies, "Because the Chinese bombed Pearl Harbor."  The Chinese pilot says, "That was the Japanese!"  The Jewish pilot says, "Chinese, Japanese, all the same thing."  The Chinese pilot says, "Well I don't like Jews.  They sunk the Titanic."  The Jewish pilot says, "Um, that was an ICEBERG!"  The Chinese pilot says, "Iceberg, Rosenberg, Goldberg, all the same thing."

I heard this joke from a Jew.