I need to fix this...help please?

Question

Well I'm 14 years old, and I live with my mom, dad and older brother. I don't get along with my mom and brother at all, but my dad is pretty cool. But lately I just don't know what to do. My brother is always calling me a selfish b**** wihen I don't give him his way, and my mom's usually says it's not all about you. I get that, but the thing is...I'm not acting like it's all about me. I do my chores, and whatever I'm told with little complaining. It's just because I'm asking to do things with my friends a lot but she was the one who told me I needed to do that! I don't know what she wants from me, like I'm trying to have a social life, and I do what I'm told so what am I doing so wrong that makes her think I'm only doing things if they benefit me? I really want to fix this, but I don't know how. I do extra things to but it never seems to please her. How can I fix this so it make living with her for the next few years tolerable?

Answer 1

Do your mom and dad get along? I would kick your brother in the sack if i were you, and always play the game of never ask mom what I can do only ask dad since he's cool n probably smokes grass in clandestine locations to "escape"  from your overbearing mother.

Answer 2

there is no easy fix, kid...dont forget, parents arent some horrible beast, they are just people too..sometimes they (we) forget even what we asked or told you to do...best thing to do is let it roll off u...

one thing that would be nice, is if you and your bro could get on the 'same side'...i always teach my kids to be a team...even if they are against me, they need to always be on the same side...i know that sounds like a crazy thing to teach, but we all do what we do, for differnet reasons.  I always wanted that tight knit relationship with bros and sisters, but i was an only child, so i never was given the opportunity

here you have a brother, perfect opportunity to have that great relationship.  my wife and her brother are very tight, they really helped each other out growing up....

how old is your bro?  thats a shame he is giving you a hard time....

then again, you are getting it from 2 people...maybe you need to evaluate yourself, and decide if you are being alittle selfish....maybe you are going out alot, sticking your bro with home duties of some type. or maybe he is expected many more adult roles being the older child, and is resentful...maybe you guys can talk about it, and figure out how to split the things that need to be done, so you can both be happy..or maybe you guys can schedule together so that he gets equal opportunity to go out and do what he likes, while you stay home and do whatever your family wants you to do, and vice versa...

my wife was the younger one.  she always covered for her bro.

good luck to you.  i hope you can work things out.  it sucks to not know your place/roll at home.

Answer 3

Talk to your dad about it. Maybe he can talk to your mother and your brother.  

Answer 4

You should talk to your dad and let him know how you fell about the whole situation.

Answer 5

I would go back to the way it was before.  Go out less, be less socialble and see what she says and then when she starts it again that you should go out with your friends more often that's when you go off on her and tell her how you feel if all that doesn't work talk to a counselor at school believe it or not they are helpful.

Answer 6

just  tell  here

Answer 7

i bet if you showed her what you wrote here and tell her that its bother in you and why she would lighten up i dont think she realizes shes hurting your feelings and your brother well hes ur brother he will always do that and ask her why she thinks you are selfish tell her you try really hard to be as selfless as you can by doing things w/ out complaning etc. i hope ihelped!

Answer 8

No you are not doing anything wrong.

I guess that sometimes what can happen is that mother and daughter lose touch while daughter is going through the teen years, and possibly because your mum isnt understnading your teen years she is finding it easier to relate to your brother- and my guess is that your dad can sense this. I think your best bet would be to talk to your dad, just ask him if there is anything obvious that you are missing with your mum, and see if there is anyway he can help- your mums anger may be her own frustration because she cant work out how to connect with you. Im sure a good family talk will help settle things and get things back on track.

With your brother, it really is just a sibling thing- when my brother and I were teenagers and living at home we fought like cats and dogs, it was unreal and very, very frustrating. He will realise as he gets older that life is not all about him and that he needs to be there for you instead of picking on you.

Answer 9

i know exactly how u feel cus EVERYONE in my family is exactly the same way. i really dont think theres much you can do about it except tell them everything you just said and if theyre still the same u have to tell them that u tried telling them but they dont understand and if u guys dont understand then youll just have to deal w/ it and get over it. or you can do wat i did...get mad and then walk out the house for about an hour or 2 (but make sure they see you so they dont call the cops or sumthing) to really get their attention and come back and explain how youre feeling.

Answer 10

My mom was like that for a while but she just like "out grew it"

Answer 11

just talk to her about it

tell her that you're trying hard to please her but it's not working out. and ask her what she would like for you to do.

Answer 12

There could be some underlining issues that she is going through and she is just directing her frustration at you. However, it seems as though you have some confusing feelings going on inside as to what she expects out of you, and vice versa, and I would advise you to talk with your dad, and then may be plan a family meeting for everyone to sit down and talk this out. Everyone gets a chance to express their feelings, and listen. Listening is the hardest part. And each one needs to accept each other's feelings and come to some sort of compromise. Your mother needs to really listen to you as it seems to me like she doesn't really "take the time" to do so.

Parents often get caught up in the business of life sometimes, and they forget to just "relax" and "enjoy" what is around them. Kind of like the saying, "stop and smell the roses" once in a while. And they often forget that their children have feelings too and they feel the stress that the parents feel.

14 years of age is a tough stage to go through already without the stress of having to try and please a parent at ever anal thing they pin point at.

I don't think you're doing anything wrong. It's just the lack of communication going on around the house and no one really knows how each other feels, and no one is 'taking the time' to enjoy life and relaxing and taking a breath in between it all.

Take care hon. I hope this helps.  

Answer 13

so know what you mean i kinda just space out when my mom is yelling at me like that and my brother who the h**l really cares what he says. brothers are ment to call you names. that's what my mom sayd anyways