I need to know what people think of this poem i wrote?

Question

EDGE

i sit in fear

i grap the cold metal bars

i push my feet firmly to the floor

i force myself back against my plastic seat

i feel myself tilting gently backwards

i feel the viabration and pulse flowing through my finger tips

i hear the click of the chain

i see the parralell tracks facing up to a line of blue

i swollow my fear

i turn slowly to the edge

to the edge of oblivion

life is a rollercoster

(i am 13 years old)

by kathleen

Answer 1

Super youthful in sight to relize already, that life is a roller

coaster, "Peeks and valleys" This knowledge will serve you well. A good poem for your age, for sure. Keep going you have a poet's soul.

Answer 2

I think this is a wonderful poem with only a couple misspelled words in it:

I "grab" the cold metal bars,

it's "parallel" tracks.

You're right . . Life IS a roller coaster and your descriptive poem relates that beautifully.  Poetry, if it's any good, is supposed to elicit excitement, an emotional response and an enjoyment in reading to the extent that you want to read what the author has said or is describing.  For 13 yrs. old, you've got a firm grasp on the prime elements of writing.  Keep writing and posting.

Answer 3

I love your poem, it is very creative. Keep up the good work :)

Answer 4

I think it is good exept you might want to word some things diffrently ..It sounds Like a fear of being in jail .....

Answer 5

I think it is EXCELLENT!  And you are correct, life is a roller coaster. I'm sure many have experienced this same feeling. Your play of words uniquely describes fear along with a pent up feeling. I especially like the transition of ....i sit in fear to ..... i swallow my fear, which to me, indicates a positive  transition.  There is definitely a transition (or ups and downs) in the poem as it is in life.

For a 13 year old you truly express and write on a very mature level....Other will see the poem as it relates to their experiences, as you can see, I really enjoyed it.  Just wanted to give you your "props" .....Star....