I need to laugh. can someone tell me a really funny joke please.?

Question

I need to laugh. can someone tell me a really funny joke please.?

Answer 1

do you want to hear a dirty joke?

the horse bucked the white knight into a mud puddle.

Answer 2

watch the movie the sasquatch gang..guaranteed to laugh especially at shirts  

Answer 3

What did the egg say to the boiling water?

It might take me a while to get hard;

I just got laid this morning.

XD

Answer 4

i farted =)

Answer 5

this is corny lol

what's a witches' fav. subject?

"spelling"

why did the man throw the clock out the window?

"to see time fly"

Answer 6

There's this kid...He's half jewish and half mexican. One day he went home and asked his dad which one he was, more jewish or more mexican. His dad asked. "Why?" The kid said, "Because my friend is selling a bike and I dont know whether to jew him down on the price or just go back and steal it later."

Answer 7

Why did Micheal Jackson Go To  K-Mart?

He Heard the boys pants were half off!

Answer 8

nobody told u a funny joke so here's sum that are funny

little johnny asks his dad is god a man or a women? he says both, then he asks is god black or white n he says both, then he asks oh is god michael jackson?

april she wasn't the best sunday school student she tended to fall asleep all the time, so one day while she was sleeping the teacher called on her n asked who created the universe n of coarse she was sleeping n didn't hear her so a little boy next to her little johnny pokes her with a pen n she wakes up n yells god almighty n the teacher said very good n she fell back to sleep again. then later on the teachers asks tell me april who is gods son? and again johnny came to the rescue n poked then she woke up n yelled jeasus christ n the teacher said very good n she fell back to sleep again. then later on the teacher asks tell me april what did eve say to adam after their 22rd child? n again johnny poke this time she got up n yelled you stick that thing in me one more time i'll break it in half n shove it up your ***

there's 3 pregnant women, the 1st women says i did it on my back so i'm gonna have a baby boy, then the 2nd one says i did it on my side so i'm gonna have a baby girl, then they see the blonde crying n they asks what's the matter n she says i'm gonna have puppies (doggy style)

CAN I HAVE BEST ASNWER NOW

Answer 9

Steve: Hey check out my new hearing aid it costed me $2,450!!

Michael: Whoa i bet it works really well!  What kind is it?

Steve: *looks at watch* 12:44

Answer 10

The girl who told me this joke was from Tennessee and had just the most wonderful accent.  I can't do the accent so try to imagine it.

There's this young feller, he lives on a farm and he walks into the village to do some shopping.  He's walking home with the stuff he bought.  He's got a washtub on his back, he's got a dog on a leash, a rabbit under his arm for dinner tonight, and he's driving two chickens.

On the way home he sees this girl he knows, Daisy Lou, from the next farm over from his.  He says 'Hey, Daisy Lou!  Wait up!  I'll walk home with you.'

Daisy looks at him with disdain.  "Oh no." she says.  "We'd be all alone together in the woods and you'd take advantage of me."

"I would not!" the boy protests.

"Oh yeah you would," Daisy Lou says.  "I know about you boys, y'only want one thing from a girl."

The boys says "Well, hey, look at me.  I got a washtub on my back, I got a rabbit and a dog and I'm leadin' two chickens!  How am I gonna take advantage of you?"

Daisy Lou thinks for a second.  "Well," she says, "You could put the washtub down upside down over the rabbit.  You could tie the dog's leash to the handle on the washtub.   . . . . And I could hold the chickens!"

Answer 11

The Driver of the limousine was taking a beautiful, raven-haired model to the airport.

Halfway there, the front tyre went flat.

The model said, "Driver, I don't have time to wait for road service. Can you change it yourself?"

The driver said, "Sure." He got out of the car and proceeded to change the tyre, but couldn't get the wheel cover off.

The model saw him struggling and asked, "Do you want a screwdriver?"

He said "Sure! But, first I have to change this tyre."

Answer 12

threre are three types of people in this world.... ones that can count and ones that cant.

Answer 13

what did the chicken cross the road..............

window!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 14

A MAN TELLS HIS WIFE    "BABY COOK ME SOMETHING THAT REMINDS YOU OF OUR LOVE MAKING"  SO THE WIFE SAYS      "OK I'LL BE RIGHT BACK I HAVE TO GO THE STORE AND BUY SOME VIENNA SAUSAGES"

Answer 15

I was already a nervous wreck about my upcoming surgery. it didn't help matters when admitting nurse aked me: "Have you had a hystorectomy before?"

Answer 16

I come from a stupid family. During the Civil War my great Uncle fought for the west!

:)

EDIT:

To: Fapping

That picture is nasty!! I almost vomited!! DO NOT LOOK AT IT!!!!!

Answer 17

a teacher of math asked his pupil : if your mother gives u one apple and your brother two.what's the result. the pupil answers: a quarrel

Answer 18

Little Johny Wants to Get Married?

One day Lil Jony says to his father:

I want to get married.

Father: Oh, so do you have someone special in your mind?

Johny: Yes , Gradma

Father: What? There is a problem now, you want to marry my Mother?

Johny: Why not? You married my mother.

Answer 19

hooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo...

*brick*