I need to write a short story for school is this goooood?

Question

A family was torn apart during a plane crash there daughter was the only one to survie she was washed up on a hot island and as she stood there her mind only thought about her mother and little brother.to figure she was pregnant.nine months later she gave birth to a little girl. 16 years later she was at age 32 and her daughter was 16, her daughter was a beautiful girl and she disapered for hours on end each day her mother let her daughter go but one day her daughter began to grow a bump her mother was confushed so she asked her who the father was she said "mother I do not know his name all I know is were he lives" confhused because she and her daughter lived on a island with no one else her daughter showed her where the village of the father of her baby was.When they arrived she saw a old man a old woman and a woman who looked the same age as her and a young boy.Her mother fainted.The village was her family.

the father of the girls baby was her mom's YOUNG YOUNG brother

Answer 1

You sound too young to be writing this kind of material.  Your spelling and grammar are pretty horrible.   I would suggest that you re-think this story, and don't use words that you are not able to spell ("disapered" should be "disappeared", for example)

Answer 2

ok...i dont get it, but its ok, could be better...

Answer 3

I'm going to give you the honest truth about this plot. It is way to unrealistic and seems as if it is too mature for your age. You need to know a bit about what you are writing, in order to make it sound believable. I can tell you that this story is way to complicated to be pulled off properly. I would also say, for your age you are going to have a hard time filling in the amount of time(16 years is a lot of story to cover).

I also do not see a plot. You have an idea(general outline), but no actual plot. A story is not a sequence of events, but rather what conflicts the character runs into while going through these events and the eventual conclusion. Think of any story you have read and you'll see the same idea...

>We are introduced to a character

>>Main character(M.C) is presented with a conflict

>>>M.C goes about solving said conflict

>>>>M.C gets to the solving of the conflict, and succeeds

>>>>>Conflict is resolved and the story is over.

Most writers keep their stories in short intervals(days, weeks, months), years is very hard to do. A short story usually only encompasses hours, or days.

When someone is looking at your story they need to believe it. Some very unbelievable points to your description...

1) How does she survive a plane crash?

2) On an island for 16 years, how come she never ran into this village of her family? Why is another group of plane crash survivors not curious where this girl came from.

3) What is she eating on this island. If she is not getting the right nutrition, there is no way she could properly breast feed a growing baby(her milk supply would stop to help her survive)

4) The odds of her and an infant surviving for years on a deserted island are slim(which makes it not realistic)

5) The teenager has been seeing this boy for hours a day, and then has s*x with him, but doesn't bother to find out his name.

I would try and write a much simpler story, write what you know and it will come out much better. By reading your description of the idea, I can tell you are not mature enough to write something like this. You are reaching too far, and choosing a ridiculous idea.

From one writer to another, keep it simple. Write from experience. Don't jump into the deep end, before learning to swim. However, do not become discouraged, every writer has bad ideas(I've scrapped a few myself), eventually you find an idea you can't wait to put on paper.

Answer 4

it's kind of morbid but it's a good story

Answer 5

Sounds interesting.... but generic.  You should add something like they become cannibals or something, and the daughter ended up eating her father. Lol. I dunno... I guess this is good if you are in middle school or something.

Answer 6

VERY GOOD!!! only error i see is this...16 years later she was at age 32 and her daughter was 16,

we all know she would be 16! So change that and you will be good to go!!

Answer 7

yea, i like it...good work...

Answer 8

The writing (grammar, punctuation, etc., is all disjointed and it doesn't flow well. Good effort, but sorry, it's pretty cheesy too.

Answer 9

Don't let people lie to you. This is a terrible story. It's like a joke without a punchline. Start small with a short story. The story could have ended on the plane.

The girl is talking about her life with her mom and anticipating summer camp, until the plane goes down. The end. Or, not even that far. The girl is on a trip by herself and helps an older man brave his fear of flying. Perhaps the girl herself is afraid of flying but more afraid of seafood and when her plate is served, she obsesses more over the plate than the flight.

When I got off, grama asked me how the flight was. "Easy." I said. She smiled. Anything is easy compared to mackerel and rice without ketchup.  -the end-

see, not hard.

Alot can happen in a short story but it can't be that long. You're covering way too much. Try again, somthing simple with a moral or a small point and keep it simple. Watch your grammar as well.  Good luck

Answer 10

its great u put a lot in a short amont of space

Answer 11

Great idea.

You may need to explain the ending more so you can understand. If you fix the punctuation it will be great.

You could also re-arrange words to make it sound better

E.g.

After a plane crash, a family was torn apart, the daughter was the only surviver. <Daughter's name> was washed up on a hot island..

Also, if you use the character's name's aswell and he, she etc you will get a better grade.

You can be covering too much aswell, being a short story keep it brief and simple you could even end it on a cliffhanger - to keep in suspense.

Your sentences are rather short, try and use longer compund sentences and connectives.

You miss out gaps in the story... 16 years later.

And, to be honest.. it took me a while to completely understand the plot.

My comment sounds rather negative but in order to get a good grade, try and fix it like I said and your teacher would give you a higher grade.

x

Answer 12

fix all of the typos and you will get an awesome grade!