I need you help PLEASE!!?

Question

Well me and my boyfriend have been going out for about 6 months and were talking for forever before that. And s*x seems to be coming up alot lately and I never actually told him every everything about myself. I am 17 now but I guess about 4 years ago I had unconsentual s*x (raped) with my older cousin . sick I know but I never told him becuase its not one of those things u talk about over dinner. If i have s*x with him it will more than likely be the end of our relationship. It always happens I can never look at the person the same I always seem to see my cousins face. and I love my bf to death and I really dont want this to be the end what should I do ???? Do I tell him so he knows or keep it to myself???it's crazy that I feel more comfrotable telling complete strangers then telling my own bf. lol not really funny though

Answer 1

Well if you think its going to end your relationship with him, then why wouldn't you tell him? He'll probably actually be more sympathetic.

Answer 2

If you can't tell your boyfriend everything you probably shouldn't be having s*x with him.  This is to important an issue for you to just let go.  If you are not ready to have s*x with him...don't.

Answer 3

ive been there and told.result we brook up.get help from a shrink,or other profesional.good luck and dont let this messed up the rest of your live,mine did.60 years ago there was no help so go get it.

Answer 4

trust me i kno exactttly how u feel tell him i felt better once i told him and after that s*x was fine.. sometimes when i do it i feel nasty even tho we been togetehr for 4 years...im not saying the pain will just go away but if he really loves u he will b more then thear for u and thats what u need... trust me it will get better just stop thinking about it and letting it take over your life

Answer 5

only tell him if it feels right. he will be there for you if he loves you

Answer 6

Tell him. seriously, you need to tell him.

Answer 7

I think that you if you really love him you should be honest with him. If he loves you he will help you through this. Now that I've gotten that out of the way. I think that if this is something that is haunting you I think that it may be time to go talk to someone about it if you aren't already. If you are having a hard time being intimate with someone you love it is a sign that this needs to be dealt with. This is something that you can get past. When I was 16 I went to a party and was drinking a little There was an older boy there who kept getting me to take shots with him. the next thing I knew I was coming in and out of consciousness as he was having s*x with me. I didn't tell anyone and he is a brother of my friends. It stuck with me for a long time, I was nearly 21 when I told him at a wedding reception that what he did to me was disgusting and that if I ever heard of him doing it again I would turn him. I felt empowered by that experience and since dealt with my feelings. You can too. Tell your boyfriend what happened to you, if he loves you will understand.

Answer 8

you need to tell him. i would be more likely to understand and not push you to have s*x. also you are 17 so you really shouldnt be having s*x anyway.

if you havent told your family and the police you need to tell them. i know it was your cousin so you wouldnt want to get him in trouble or cause problems in the family but he could be doing it to younger sisters or other cousins

Answer 9

Think of it this way: You THINK you will lose him either way. You can either tell him and POSSIBLY find that you have someone who will understand and work with you on it and your relationship could grow even more. Or you could have s*x and definitely lose him. You'll have to address this sometime in a mature relationship. Don't let him push you into s*x you don't really want. Its about you, babe.

Also try a book called "The Courage to Heal" by Laura Davis. It has a book with it called "Allies in Healing" for your lover. It helped me. It is not good to see all your lovers as monsters for the rest of your life.

Think about it.

Answer 10

Truthfully, I think that you're boyfriend would be very understanding if you were to tell him that you had been raped before. You don't have to tell him who it was, you only have to say that you're afraid it will ruin the relationship by causing you to relive the pain you went through.

He may be more understanding than you think.

Answer 11

Maybe you should tell your boyfriend because 1st its hurting the relationship even more. 1st in a relationship is trust then honesty you got to tell him that girlie cause if not you will fill quilty for keeping things from him........

♥good luck and hope i helped you!!!!

Answer 12

first you need to tell your parents about what has happened to you and seek counseling so you can learn to get past what has happened to you and maintain healthy relationships in the future. Please tell your boyfriend so he can understand your reasoning and to not cause conflict. Teenage years are the hardest to get through trying to discover who you are and dealing with hormones. My advice would be don't have s*x with your guy or anyone else until you get help for the trauma you were unfortunate to experience