Question:

I need you opinion on my poem.?

by  |  earlier

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The smell of vanity,

Caught my sense.

I followed the scent,

Until I began to wind the path to your place.

I went up the stairs,

Strait to your door.

The window open to let in the summer air,

There you were lying on the floor.

The blood pooled around you,

No one heard your screams.

There was nothing I could do,

But help sew your heart at the seams.

I took that needle and thread,

And began to sew.

You began to move your head,

Some of life is beginning to show.

I lift you to your feet,

And put my wrist up to your mouth.

You began to get a heartbeat,

You open your mouth and then bit down.

My blood now courses through your veins,

Whats mine is yours,

Now here comes our lack of days,

Time closes the doors,

On our long days,

Which have become nights.

Looking out over the bay,

To your new life of wonderful sights.

Now, my love, though it may seem,

This is no longer a dream.

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11 ANSWERS


  1. wow! that was really good=D


  2. Your poems are similar to mine. That seemed like you had passion and soul into that poem. I will have to show all my friends this so they can see what  I see!!

  3. I am clearly making a statement: It defined a sub culture in it's own! Cheers!

  4. It's really good.

  5. It's a nice poem, do u have it published???????????? If not, u need too

  6. Wow...nice work dude! I really liked it...post more!!!

  7. that is sssssssssuper good mann!!! Great job!!! put that on a publishing website or something

  8. Not bad

  9. thats a great poem love it :)

  10. this is a really good poem...

    you are veryy talented..:]

  11. Wow,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

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