I need your advice!?

Question

I have been in a relationship for four years. Never cheated. He's the first serious relationship I've ever had. And I love him....but I'm not sure if I am still IN love with him. We have been married for two years.

I have recently started talking to my "ex." Someone I have feelings for who has been in and out my life for the last 10 years. We never dated as adults. only briefly we dated when I was a young teen.

It has come up several times that we should have an affair. I really don't know what I should do.

A part of me wants to explore where this with lead. Another part doesn't want to hurt my husband. But I have become bored in my marriage and sometimes feel that it is more of a friendship than anything else.

The other guys is the kind of guy that gives me butterflies every time he is near or calls me, he always has.

Even if a relationship would not come out of it I have wanted to cheat on my husband with him. Even before we started talking again I always thought about him.

To make matters worse my husband and I have a child together. But I have always felt that I loved this other person. I don't know how he feels which would make the risk of leaving my husband that much greater. Please someone give me some advice.

Answer 1

ohh.. that is a serious problem. I think that you should do what you think is best. Don't cheat it is not the way to go.

Be Faithful ♥

Answer 2

We're all tempted to cheat now and again.  Those butterfly feelings don't matter in the long run with this ex...do you LOVE your husband?  I know you said you don't think you're IN LOVE with him, but do you care if he lives or dies?  Sure, it's exciting to think about having hot, steamy s*x with some other guy.  But if you use your fantasies, then you can spice up your marriage without cheating on your man.

Marriage is rough.  If you care about saving your marriage, then you'll make changes.  Yes, you admitted that neither of you are perfect and you both have your flaws.  Sometimes you need to focus more on what you can change about yourself more than you focus on what changes he can make.  I know it's not fair--I'm sure you've already made plenty of changes and you want to see some from him.  However, marriage is never going to be 50/50.  There are going to be plenty of times when you'll have to give up more of yourself than he will, but you just have to be okay with that for the sake of your child.

When you married your husband you were in love, right?  You created this child together.  I know it's not fun and exciting, but it is your life.  No man will ever love your child as much as her own father, so to stay with him will be in your best interest.  I know that's a boring answer, but it's the one that I think will make the biggest difference.  If you were to have s*x with your ex, you would probably feel more deeply in love with him than ever, thus risking your entire marriage and the life of your child.

Answer 3

I hate to be the bad guy, but you should have figured out what type of person your husband would be before you got married. Just because he goes out, does not give you permission to cheat. If you really love the other guy, divorce your husband and have fun. I know I sound harsh but this makes me think: Just because I work long hours and am not there all the time for my wife, will she end up cheating on me?

Answer 4

If you would put the effort that is required to have an affair into spicing up your marriage you might just make it.

Answer 5

Please read what Crystal has written ..  and get it into your head...

You  ARE a loser !!!!  

You are blessed with a wonderful life.. make the most of it. Understand how lucky you are before you become unlucky!!!

Answer 6

DONT DO IT !  the grss is not greener on the other side !

Seek counseling fix what you have !

Answer 7

That sucks.  Your relationship with both of these men won't work out.  It sounds like you are missing something more in your life that is more personal to you then the others around you.  I don't  think you should have an affair.  If you are not happy with the relationship you have with your husband, you need to deal with that situation first and separately then any other.  Try to work it out with him.  If you can't then break it off, but give him the respect of not cheating and s******g around behind his back.  That's the least you can do.

Answer 8

an x is an x for a reason. you are married with a kid for gods sake. should have thought of having an affair before you had the kid or better yet before you got married. you don't love him? fine get a divorce, but stop playing games and coming on here to justify what you know you will do. as far as going out. you have a kid parents don't go out they stay home with the kid. sounds like you need to grow up. not to preach but marriage is not a buffet, you don't get to go back to the appetizer because you don't like the main course.

Answer 9

I wouldnt if i were you , its very hard to keep that kind of secret.

I was married for 20 yrs and found out about an affair from 6 years before, needless to say im divorced now and my adult children have no respect for their mom

Answer 10

I could swear by reading this that you are talking about my life. My husband is the same way. I ponder separation and divorce almost daily. I think that you and your husband still have a chance. The fact that you are still considerate of him and you feel guilty shows you still care for him somewhat, and don't want him to hurt. Try every avenue before you separate. Don't cheat, it will not be worth it, you can never take it back. Best of Luck.

Answer 11

Separate or divorce before you do anything.