I need your opinion??????

Question

long story short....my daughter father ..tryed to get my cell phone to see who i be talkin to..we haven't be together in 9 months..but anyway i wouldn't let him get it so... he hit me in my face...so my 4 year old daughter called him a (a#@ hole) she get's it from.. tha kids outside...but anyway...so when she said it...he started goin crazy, sayin im ma get u, to her.. then i wouldn't let him get her so he just gave her a nasty look and said..f@#$ her...to my daughter... i said what...he said you know what f@#$ you.. and f@#$ her.......what he said really hurt me & i started cryiing...i'm so confused...bout what he said to our daughter.... i know she shouldn't have said that but you don't curse back at her..like she's one of your friends..... u get me?? cause she really don't know what she's sayin.. she know it's a bad word but she don't really know your not suppose to sat that to anyone.. but we didn't talk for like 2 weeks..but now he comes over acting like nothing happen...when till this day its still hurts... that's tellin me he don't care bout her...and that hurts bad... but he sayin she shouldn't never curse at me....but he grown and she's a liitle girl and he should know better..(he's 23) ..idk....he said he sorry he didn't mean to say that ...but i just can't get over what he said...i think i will never get over what he said... and i know he meant what he said when he said that i can tell.....should i give him a chance by speakin to him again.. and try to get along ..or should i just don't ever speak to him again.....i'm so confused.... cause i think he really does not care about her.. and he even said that a couple times but i'm not going to get into that...what do u think?????????????? what would u do????

Answer 1

uhhm maybe you should seriously consider a family therapist or just a therapist.  i'm not suggesting that your family is full of mental cases - i'm just saying that therapists help with problems and smooth things out for many people and help improve people's lives.  therapists can help you figure out what to do and how to handle situations like these and how to correct situations like these and whatnot.

my dad often says that he doesn't care about my brother at all - but it's obviously not the case.  it's just the frustration talking - not my dad - that's the same with that 23 year old you were talking about - your daughter's father i beleive? not ur hubby?

i honestly would go see a therapist because it will help you figure things out and there will be less stress in your life after things get worked out.

also, the swearing probably should be stopped.  he should not be talking like that around your daughter - especially because he's talking like that TO your daughter!  you need to remove her from the situation immediatley after it starts if this happens again.  that way she will not be exposed to such bad behavior and possible violence.

that brings me to my next point.  if you want children to learn things, you shouldn't try and get them to learn it by hitting them or yelling. positive reinforcement works best.  saying "good job" or "great job" or "wonderful!" or "i'm so proud of you! you did it right" or whatever really helps a child understand that they're doing the right thing.  and when they do the wrong thing like swear at their father, calmly sit down with her and calmly but firmly tell her that she cannot speak to her father that way because it's disrespectful and that it will not be accepted.  if it persists, give her a time out in her room or something - just no violence and try not to yell. that'll help a lot.

also, he should not be hitting you on your face!  if he hits you or attacks you or tries to hurt you - call the police.  this could quite possibly be abuse and you shouldn't have to put up with it if that's the case.

i hope this helps, and best of luck to you! ♥

Answer 2

I would leave his happy butt. Obviously your daughter will be a lot better off without him. I wouldn't even get your daughter in trouble or anything for saying that because if you ask me he should have been called something a lot worse. You shouldn't let anybody hit you in the face or expose your daughter to a person like that. Don't go around him again, you would be stupid if you did.

Answer 3

I am sorry that you are going through that. Your husband was very wrong to strike you. I understand you are concerned for you daughter it seems you have no reagard for him hitting you. They way he talked to your little girl is bad to shes 3 wow thats messed up. You should be concerned about yourself aswell. You dont hit women and women should not hit men it woks both ways. He knows he was wrong it seems that he is being heartless. Thats scary if he gets after a 3yr old like that and he hits you. How long is it befor he hits her if it is so easy for him to hit you over something stupid. He should have trust in you. Dont let him get away with hitting you casue he will keeing doing it. I would be nervous to even talk to him about it because of his anger. Get help please for you and your daughter. It is important to work things out however there is a line and he has crossed it. You havent seen him in 9mths is he military if he is you can get his leadership to intervene and i assure you they will. Stop this NOW NOW it will get worse if you dont. Go to mettings for women that are abused by spouses groups seek advice. IF he hits you again report his ***. Let him no he cannot treat you that way. He feels dominant right now if you have to defend yourself get a bat when hes sleeping and beat the holy **** out of him. Pray and i will pray for you get help tell someone in your family talk to a preist talk to someone dont keep it a secret it will consume you. God bless be strong!

Answer 4

First.  If he hits you call the police.  Second.  He is still her father.  He might always be in her life.  She will love you and him.  Do yourself a favor, and teach her to respect her dad by not saying those things to him.  Don't ever bad talk him to her.  She will resent you for it.  When he says something stupid, and mean, tell her that he loves her.  When a child says what she said, we all know she doesn't mean what she says.  It is still sad though.  

Answer 5

well.. if you paralyze him he can't hit you.. honest.

and if he did, it's just cowardly, you shouldn't hit a girl and/or woman, and your daughter was entitled to call him an a*****e, go her!

just kick him in the bollocks if he goes for you again, but give him a chance first, I recommend you also sign up to this ezine, at least 2 weeks before you see him, okay? http://www.kerwinbenson.com/mastery.html but just give him a chance.

if not, find a g*y friend (male) 'cause that's what most of my friends who are girls do, apparently they're very good to go to. I have a g*y friend, she's always there for me if I need her, i highly recommend you get one to cry on.

If not, get a new boyfriend or something, tell him all of your problems after a bit, and see if you can flaunt him so to speak, brag about him, purposely make out with him in front of your ex.

tell your daughter that her dad really is an a*****e, but she shouldnt say it out loud.

hope this helps and blessed be.

Answer 6

I WOULD HAVE A LONG TALK WITH HIM AND IF YOU CAN TELL HE DOESN'T MEAN IT THEM KICK HIM OUT THE DOOR CUZ I DON'T I WOULD WANNA LIVE WITH MY DAD IF HE HATED ME.....

Answer 7

well i personally wouldn't want someone like that in my life and i would try to get him out of my life, u know? it doesnt seem like he respects u or ur daughter.  

Answer 8

are you serious?

PLAY GRIT BALL

get a pot of hot grits throw it on her say **** you too you ugly *** mother ****** and hit him with a pan, grit

ball :)

Answer 9

It's hard to cut contact off with your childs father, but there is no excuse for his actions.  For one thing, he should not being going through your phone.  It's none of his business who you talk to if you two arent together.  Secondly, the fact that he hit you, shows that he has no respect for you or your daughter, considering he hit you in front of her!  I don't care what you did to him.  A guy should never lay a hand on you.  As for him cursing at his own daughter and calling her that, it shows that he's not much of a man. Children pick up words from other people and it's the parents job to teach them that those words should not be said instead of teaching them new ones.  He should have talked to her as someone would address a kid and let her know that you do not need to call people that name because they may find it hurtful.  I feel that he handled the whole situation terribly.  You have to use your own judgement on whether to talk to him or not.  You need to decide if you think he would do that again and figure out if you think he shows you and your daughter enough respect.  Only you know the history of the relationship between you two, so you need to figure out if he is causing more happiness or harm to your daughter.  You should make your decision based on that!

Answer 10

I didnt read the whole thing. It seemed kinda strange.....Is this real?

Answer 11

tell a friend about it

Answer 12

he is *** hole

i would leave

Answer 13

I would take grammar lessons...

Answer 14

Motherfu**er talks to MY child like that, it would be the last time he talked to either of us again! He HIT you in front of your child, that is bad enough, but then he cussed your child. I wouldn't talk to him or let him see his child without a court order telling me I had to!!

Answer 15

Call the cops and tell them your story. They'll know what to do with that shithole.

Answer 16

I've heard of Fathers and Mothers before say such horrible things to their own children.

The sad thing is the physiological effects it has on a kid.

Love her enough for both parents. I'm sure you already are.

Then I would consider an attorney to discuss the arrangements of visitation if any. IE: supervised or unsupervised.

A judge would take into consideration the mental abuse he is bringing upon her.

If he doesn't want to be a part of her life, she might be better off without him.

He sounds like a very emotionally disturbed individual.

Good Luck 2 U.

Answer 17

Pick and choose.  Your child or your bf?

Answer 18

sry im too lazy too read that hole story

Answer 19

Well first of all him hitting you is the biggest problem of all. If he is acting violent against you in front of your daughter then she will grow up thinking this is an okay thing. I would be dealing with that first. And him saying f@#$ you to her is a big deal also. If he is hitting you and saying these things too her then he probably doesn't care about either of you. I would tell him that he needs to get some anger management or else not to come around. I never had a father and it sucked but I would rather have no father than an a$$ hole for one. And try and teach your daughter that those words are for grown ups not little kids. Good luck, and stick to whatever decision you make don't let him change your mind later.