I pick my son up from school near the office because he had some separation anxiety.?

Question

It took nearly 4-5 weeks to convince my son that I would always be there for him after school & he has commented how he likes meeting me near the office instead of outside w/ the large group of people. The principal told me he would like me to start meeting him outside again, but my son doesn't want to yet. Does he have the right to tell me where to pick my son up:?

Answer 1

Set that principal straight. Just tell him your son's needs. If your son really overreacts to small things, then maybe discipline him and show him who is boss, but don't be mean (if that is possible). Just show him that you only do it because you love him. He might understand? I am sure the principal is a nice man, but just tell him he doesn't really have a right to tell you where to pick your son up...I mean...I guess in some ways he does, and some ways he doesnt, ya know?

Answer 2

No, maybe you should have alittle talk with the principal and let him know what's going on.  Maybe he doesn't know the situation.  He may be a little more understanding if so.

Answer 3

First of all,  from where does the anxiety stem? I have followed your life on line for a long time, Bigmamma. I have basically maintained my position that your children as well as the entire family needs some professional assistance.

There is absolutely no shame in consulting a qualified psychologist to help you understand the root cause of your problems.

I do agree that most on line are simply not qualified to give the very best advice regarding matters such as separation anxieties.

I will be quite frank with you. If you are exposing your personal life to others, such as your son's prinicpal, just as you are here for the world to witness, then prehaps, there are much bigger issues within your life.

To allow strangers to give you their opinions on how you should handle a matter such as this, is not condusive in helping your children at all. You will get those "wanna be" psychologists who are looking for a couple of points and hoping for the 10.

You are surely a better mother than one who will take the advice of a stranger rather than seek the needed help of a highly qualified professional.

This answer will no doubt anger some and most likely you as well. But, I am more than willing to risk being thumbed down in order to say what I feel needs to be addressed.

Now, to answer your question. The principal most likely doesn't have a "right" to tell you where to pick up your son as much as an obligation. He is required to adhere to policies set before him by the school system in your area.

ETA: To Kym M. I have seen your stats. Do you know what the section, "Source" refers to?  Just in case, it means to list your source of information to the question, if there is one. It is not simply an open area to attack another persons opinion. Perhaps, you should read the "Rules and Guidlines" before speaking out of ignorance.

Bigmamma, if you are asking these types of questions on line to validate yourself, then you will continue to get what you are seeking. Unfortunately, two points are more important to some than giving a thoughtful, concise answer. I wish you luck.

Answer 4

I am sure that the principal wants what is best for your son, but...you...are the mommy, and it is your son, and you have the right to say what goes.

Your son will be okay - he will outgrow this separation anxiety - and being forced to separate does not aid this process.  This should nooooot be a big deal to the principal.  If the principal brings it up again, maybe you could sweetly and cheerfully say something like, "I am going to keep picking him up here a little while longer; it's no big deal." Then turn and walk away.

The principal 'might' have the right to tell you where to pick your son up, since he is in charge of the school, but HONESTLY this should be a tiny detail to him, not worth much effort.

Answer 5

Bmama

No but he.... no....

If Ur son is content meeting u by the office.. that is  it..

U had such a hard time..  I remember..

have u told the principal to go f'off.. ?

when it gets closer to the end of school .. u can tell Ur son.. to go stand close to the office by somewhere he can see the door way.. and tell him to stay in that spot.. but when he sees Ur car.. then come out..

and gradually .. work him closer to the door..

plzz don't upset this child again... he has came a long way..

bless his heart..

by the end of school... he will be outside or just inside the door way..

then next year.... he will be fine..

sorry,, this made me angry.. that principal..???????

good luck

Answer 6

You are right there,  you do not want to push him too quickly or he will get insecure again.  Talk to the principal and let him know your concerns.  Discuss a time frame that is suitable for both you and him and your son to make the transition by.  Doing it right now will just set you back all of the progress that you have made thus far and you definitely do not want that.

Answer 7

BM,

I'd seek the advice from a professional family counselor rather than posting questions of this matter, asking the "Loons" on here what they'd do.

Who would you trust as a mother, a trained psychologist/therapist...or some "bubba" here on Y/A?

Seriously, if he is indeed experiencing anxiety attacks on the magnitude to what you are indicating here...the boy needs to see a professional counselor, someone TRAINED in dealing with these matters rather than asking such questions.

And, yes, the school system has every right in establishing a set pickup procedure on where, how and when to pick your son up.  It's a matter of safety, organization, and coordination on there part to make sure your son makes it home safely...or at least in your care.

We have an established set of procedures when we pick our kids up from school.

I'd be more leery and suspicious of a school system that didn't have established procedures for dropping off/ picking up my children....but that's just me.

Your son is suffering, and it's up to you to make the choices that are in his best interest.

Answer 8

Try to gradually move him towards the regular pick up area.  Can he wait for you at but inside the front door (usually near the office)?  Next, how about at but just outside the door?  

If the school has a system for parent pick ups, then I guess he probably does have the right to tell you where to pick him up.  At my son's school, due to lack of parking, the parents snake around in a loop, stay in their cars, and the children are released as your vehicle gets to the area where the kids are waiting.

I'd try slowly moving him outside.  The principal will see that you are trying, no matter how slowly it goes.  If your son freaks out about it, I'm sure the principal will not force him outside anyway.

Answer 9

he probably has the right to tell you where to pick him up but i would just talk to him and tell him your son is not comfortable with that or maybe you could talk with the school counselor