I placed my son for adoption 10 weeks ago, I've changed my mind, is there any way I can get him back?

Question

a little more detail... I have other children from my previous marriage, my son was fathered by a man that is not a good person. I placed him so that he would have stability, a mother AND father. We have an open adoption but they've started making a lot of stipulations, I think I made a mistake...

Answer 1

i have no idea what are you are going through ... I can only tell you I know what the adoptive mother went through before she received your child. You gave her the best gift anyone could ever have given her ... and when/if you decide to take your child back ... you will crush her. I can not have children as of yet ... still trying to figure out why.

But I don't want to adopt simply because of someone like you. Someone that thinks they can give their child away ... for whatever reason ... and then waltz in and try to take the child back from a home where he has already found love. Horrible.

And if losing your child eats at you now ... I hope if you take him back, what you are going to do to his family (because they are the only family he knows) ... will forever haunt you. No pity from me ... you made your bed, and your decision ... let your son grow up in a home that wanted him from the get go.

Answer 2

It might be pretty difficult. And you aren't the first person to regret your decision. But whatever your reasons were for giving him up in the first place, if those reasons are still valid, you should really consider whether you want the baby back for selfish reasons, or you genuinely think you would make a good mom and your situation has changed drastically.

I was an adopted child from birth, and you should understand that the parents who have adopted your child have already formed a very strong attachment to that baby just as any natural parents would. For all intents and purposes, they are his parents now, legally and emotionally.

Answer 3

The only way you can get him back is if your reclaim period has not expired. If it has then you’re just out of luck. An attorney should be able to find this information out for you.

Answer 4

What state are you in?

Honestly, your revocation period has most likely expired. (In most states it's 30 days or less.) HOWEVER... that doesn't mean you should give up. Contact Origins. Document everything you can think of (prenatal care you got, contact you've kept with your child/the aparents since the birth, everything). Get your medical records from the hospital. Get your records from the adoption agency. And contact a lawyer to see if you have a case for relinquishing under duress.

You do NOT owe it to anyone to leave your child with the adoptive parents. You owe it to YOURSELF and your BABY to explore every avenue of getting your baby back.

I am so incredibly sorry this happened to you.

I hope you're successful in getting your child back.

(((Hugs)))

Answer 5

Since he's still very young, it may be possible.  

See what Gershom says.  I guess we're all on one of the search groups together!

Answer 6

this is going to be a legal issue.....get a good attorney

Answer 7

I wouldn't think so

Answer 8

Everyone makes  mistakes in life. This is a very serious one though. Make sure this time that this is what you really want cause a lot of people will be hurt. All the hurt you are feeling right now is the same hurt your about to inflict on the adoptive parents. Make certain you are ready for that. If you are then get a lawyer and go get your son.  Good Luck.

Answer 9

Yes, listen to Gershom - she knows what she's talking about. Act now! And don't listen to those that drone on and on about how the parents have attached to the baby. This is about ou and your baby - not the adoptive parents. You carried this baby for nine months - you are this baby's natural mother. Go fight for your baby!

Answer 10

Sounds like you're not sure what you want to do. First you say "I've changed my mind", then you say "I think I want him back". You better be darn sure of what your reasons are before you pursue some of the other advice given to you.

In my opinion you already made your decision 10 weeks ago when you made a commitment to the adoptive family and the child. It would be wrong to take the child out of it's home now. That is, even if you could. If the adoptive family is not honoring your open adoption agreement that is morally wrong. You need to speak to them about the open adoption terms and conditions that you agreed upon. Insist on it. Remind them that your decision to adopt was based on that agreement.

These innocent children are at the mercy of the decisions grown-ups make FOR them. They are not toys to be bounced back and forth from home to home.

Answer 11

Go to http://www.origins-usa.org/ NOW.  Not later, not tomorrow.  Now.  

Whoever told you it would get easier, not harder, was LYING to you.  

And if the adopters are already making stipulations, they plan to close the adoption.  Count on it.  Arrrrgggghhh!!  Some people have absolutely no moral values!

Answer 12

First and formost.....really, really make sure that you are doing the right thing by writing down or writing a letter to yourself or to your son the reasons why you felt this was the best option for him....how is being with or without you going to better his life?  Has the situation you were in when you made the decision changed?  

I can totally and completely understand what you are going through!!!

Answer 13

I don't know the laws in your state... but I can tell you that you need to find them out.  If you can, find a lawyer.  Contact the origins site that a lot of the other posters here have given.  

FIGHT!!!

That is your child, YOUR SON.  Do whatever you need to do to fight to get your child!

You are the best mother for your child.  You are the only one with the biological/genetic bonding ties to your child.  

I hope for the best for you and your baby.  

Please, no matter how tough it gets, fight.  You can do this.!

Answer 14

only an attorney can answer this.

Answer 15

Whatever you do, or decide to do, please don't do it out of some ridiculous obligation to the adoptive family, children are not supposed to be like objects, there is no, I paid fair and square and this baby  is mine.

It hurts children to be separated from their mothers it is morally wrong of adoptive families to keep children from their natural parents out of selfishness, if the mother can parent, she should be allowed to.

No one should stand in her way.

Answer 16

I echo the comments saying you MUST to whatever it takes to get your son back.

Your son needs you. Mothers are never replaced. Never. You are his only mother. The only mother he will ever need or want.

I hope you get him back as soon as possible before more damage is done.

Answer 17

Children are for life! They are not "things" to be given up and taken back because of anything you are feeling. I saw a question posted similar to this a few weeks ago by an adoptive parent and she was ripped apart. I must conclude that everyone is going easy on you or not being totally honest with you because you are a birth mother. Well I am not.. You made your choices and have already damaged this child by ripping him from your arms and passing him off to a complete stranger. Now you have to live with that. This is not about you. This is about that child and he or she has ALREADY bonded with his new mommy and daddy How many times are going to change your mind about whether or not he is better off with you or with someone else. You only get that choice once and you already made it. Think  about what is best for this child and being shuffled between homes and parents is NOT what is best for him!

Answer 18

i think you legally have some period of time to change your mind. Talk to the agency that assisted with the adoption. If they wont tell you your legal rights, talk to a public defender.

Answer 19

go immediately to www.originsusa.org and contact them, they have a free msn message board you need to register with and they can guide you.

or go to www.adoptioncrossroads.org and speak with joe soll he is in chat there every night at 11pm EST.

He has a list of lawyers taht will fight for you and your child.

I don't know what state you're in, what the revoke period is but you need to ACT NOW. Don't let another minute go by, once that revoke period is up, its up.

GO NOW!!

Answer 20

You have to try everything you can to get YOUR baby back.

Take Gershom's advice.

Your baby is better off with you.

Your baby has already bonded with you - for WAY longer than the adoptive parents.

Fight this with everything you have in your soul.

It's what's better for your baby and for you.

Your baby WANTS to be with you - and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

You'll be a wonderful mother. Get to it!!

Good luck.

Poss. x*x

Answer 21

till adoption is final the baby was either placed with adoptive family or another foster family. I think until your parental rights are terminated in a court with a judge then you might have a chance. But please be certain of why you wish to change your mind. Think of everyone else involved.

Answer 22

The question you need to ask yourself is why did you give your baby up for adoption in the first place and should you really get him back. Sorry to be harsh but its the truth.

Answer 23

In my court papers it stated I had 6 months to contest the adoption. You still have time ti fight for him back. Contact an attorney immediatley. I pray for you to have more strength and God's hands on you.

Answer 24

Your baby spent almost ten months bonding with you while you carried him inside of you.  He knows your voice, your smell, your heartbeat.  You are his mother and if you want him back, you should at least try.

Good luck.

Answer 25

It never gets easier. See a lawyer.

Answer 26

This really depends on the state that you live in. In some, as soon as you sign the papers to relinquish your child, you can not change your mind, and in others you have up to 6 months. You should ask an attourney in your state as soon as possible.

If by law you still have time to change your mind, then yes, you can reclaim your child. You said that you love the adoptive parents, and they are being wonderful to your child. If you are able to regain custody, perhaps you could do the same for them that you would want, and send them updates of your son over the years. It never hurts to let your child know that there are a couple more people in the world that love and care for him too.

Answer 27

It depends on which state you live in.  Most states you have 6 months to change your mind.  Didn't they tell you any of this before you chose adoption?  I would go to a lawyer and talk to him and see what your laws are in your state.  If you can get him back then do so if that is what you want.  Do it before he is older though.

Answer 28

Ok look, im not going to tell you that trying to get him back after having him placed is wrong or immoral or anything. i dont have any children yet, but ive always known in my heart that could never let one of them go, its just wouldnt be possible, so i think i can imagine how you feel. also, i was adopted, which gives me even more insight to what (i think) youre going through

all i want to do is say a little bit about my aunt and uncle. you know, i want you to see their side too, but im not trying to discourage you. they tried to have children for 6 years, decided to adopt, and had a beautiful little boy placed in their home. they had him for 3 months when the birth mother changed her mind and took the baby back. I can tell you from personal experiece just how devastating that was. he was already part of our family and we've never seen him since. my aunt and uncle's almost ended becuase the strain was just too much for them. i mean, by this point, the baby was not this teenagers, he was theirs. do you know what i mean? they were the ones who took him home, they were the ones who gave him his first bottle, changed his first diaper, saw his first smile, and so on. thats the way adoption works,  it doesnt matter that someone else physically gave birth to the baby, this baby was theirs through and through and they were so happy.  they had finally gotten the baby they wanted to badly, fallen in love with him, and had him ripped out of their lives. they gave away everything of his, tore apart the nursery and made it into a guest room. they couldnt bear to have anything of his around, because it hurt them so much. i mean, 3 years later they tried invitro a few time and 5 years later they've got a 4 year old and a two year old, bu they still grieve for the child that they lost. its probably the same feeling as when a child dies, just all of a sudden he was gone and they haven't seen him or heard from the bmom since.

Like i said, im not trying to discourage you. i know, deep down, that i would fight for any child of mine, but i thought i should share our family story with you. no matter what you decide, someone is going to be devasted, so i thought id tell you what my aunt and uncle went through when it happened to them. if you decide to try and get your son back, please please please make it easy for the adoptive parents. i mean, it wont be easy, but dont just take the baby and run, you know? maybe let them see him a few times and keep in contact, it might be a little bit uncomfortable for you, but itll make it soooo much easier for the birthparents to deal with loosing the child they thought was theirs

Answer 29

my mom put me up for adoption when I was 8, Then she decided she wanted me back, but a family had already adopted me. The Family said they would give me back for $20,000, mom my could not afford, then she won a scratch off (she won $50,000) so she got me back.

Answer 30

yes you should have like six months

Answer 31

I'm not sure? I suppose you have to follow your heart on this one. Here's a question for you--- If you try to get him back and fail.... do you care how this will affect your relationship with his adoptive parents? This is a tough situation!! Because any way you look at it someones heart is going to be broken! You will be in my prayers. Good luck with whatever decision you make.