I plan to adopt a baby in the future.?

Question

If I adopt an African baby and several years later he/she asks me why he/she is dark-skinned and I am not, what do I tell him/her?

When should I tell him/her?

Answer 1

First of all, there are very few babies available for adoption in African programs.  Most children are school age and in sibling groups.  I point this out because there's a huge misconception running around that it's easier to adopt infants from overseas.  It's not.  

Our African born children were adopted at school age, so they are obviously aware that there are ethnic differences and they've been adopted, etc.  It's not so much explaining why there's a difference.  That was a one-shot explanation that my ancestors came from Ireland and looked like me; their ancestors came from Africa and looked like them.  But the challenge comes in keeping the pride and self-esteem high, which means finding adult role models of the same ethnicity as them so that they have people around them that look the same.  

There are some great books for younger children that address families that don't look the same.  It was a bit young for my kids, but "A Mother for Choco" is a cute book.

Answer 2

the truth

Answer 3

My oldest daughter is East Indian and my youngest is First Nations (North American Indian).  My wife and I as well as the daughter we were able to have together are all caucasion.

For us it was never an issue because we spoke of adoption all along so when our oldest daughter was old enough it was just second nature for her to know she was adopted.  We only spoke about it in loving ways so it was not as though she was upset by the idea.  We have even gone so far as to have a "family birthday" each year on the day she came home to us.  It's not her day as much as it's a day for the whole family with one whole family birthday present to celebrate the day we became a family.

If, for some reason, she didn't know all along I would just very lovingly and very basically (based upon the age of the child) start to explain the circumstances so that he/she understood that they were loved by two families...one that couldn't care for him/her and one that could.  Just follow your heart and you will be fine.

Answer 4

Be honest and tell her / him they were chosen with love by adoption. That's great! As long as they are loved and taken care of everything will fall in place. There will always be ups and downs in life and lots of struggles with children at different development phases but nothing is more rewarding than being a parent!!!!!!!!!  Love them and that s it!!

Answer 5

I also plan to adopt in the future. I plan to adopt from Ethiopia and my children will know their entire life where they came from and that they were adopted. I will keep and encourage exploration and celebration of their culture. I also plan to have items from their culture and things they can relate to such as African American dolls, books, movies etc. Though you may love your child it is possible they may still feel out of place or different. Though you may be color blind their are still many people who aren't. So having those types of dolls, books etc will help them have something to relate to. And always treat or talk about their birthmom with respect. She is no lower than you and without her you wouldn't have your child. You will be forever connected.

Answer 6

i would tell them the truth. and if something happened to their parents i would tell them, that way they wont hate you if they find out from someone else

Answer 7

tell them from the start and teach them about their culture

Answer 8

why worry now  u need to live ur life

Answer 9

try...the truth, perhaps???

that he has two sets of parents: one set who conceived him... and an african mother who is black, that carried him during pregnancy, gave birth to him; yet was unable to care for him.

and another parent who is legally called his mom and is raising him (that would be you. )

sometimes, simply telling the truth is the best solution.

Answer 10

The truth there's nothing wrong with being adopted. As long as the child knows that you love her/him the truth is the best way to answer.  The time when they start to ask.  Remember just because he/she is adopted doesn't mean he/she isn't your real child. Just because someone doesn't push a child out or gives the sperm doesn't make them any less then a parent. Best of luck.

Answer 11

Tell the truth tell him or her where they are from, tell them when you feel they are ready or when they ask

Answer 12

just tell them the truth then lying.

Answer 13

Long gone are the days when adoption is kept a big secret from the child.

Tell the truth, be honest about it all and be open to the cultural background this child may seek.

Answer 14

tell him when he comes to age of questioning why he is different from you. just be sure that you tell him the way that he should understand. emotions during that time cannot be avoided, and the longing of finding his biological parents is possible. if possible, locate his parents and re-unite him with them. but you had to explain that he is your son and he should return to you.

Answer 15

I'm sure whichever country you live in, there is plenty of kids that are up for adoption

Answer 16

Start explaining when they are young, try reading them a children's book about adoption, like 'A Mother for Choco' or 'A Blessing from Above', in which animals adopt children who don't look like themselves. You can then explain that you don't have to look alike to be a family. The books can always be found on amazon.com.

Here is a list one woman complied of childrens' favourite adoption books.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Favourite-Childr...