I posted a question one hour ago and the reason was this...offer advice please.

Question

My mom's oldest and not always closest friend's daughter is getting married in November. Growing up the two of us were actually born in the same hospital 3 days apart. As children we spent a lot of time together and they lived behind us for many years. My family ended up moving a few hours away but the families always remained in contact. My mom still talks with her friend often. In high school, the daughter and I spent vacations together and we talked a few times. As we got older we sort of lost touch. We have always been in contact when something important happens. Last night my mom was on the phone with her friend and her friend said I would not be invited because they aren't having "that kind of wedding." This was so hurtful and upsetting. My mom said she would take me as her guest. Her friend said she wasn't sure about if I would have fun etc...how rude. These are old friends and I want to be there for her on her wedding day. It isn't about the extra meal or the drinks or the party which is what is implied when she said Maybe I wouldn't have fun. How hurtful? It is because I have known her longer than anyone in the world and I would think they would want me there?

Answer 1

First of all, if I were your mom I would not go if my daughter was not invited. As you say, how rude. I would not want to spend the money to attend, dress and gift wise, under these same conditions. I'm sorry for your loss of friendship, but I would bow out gracefully. Something  does not sound right. Plus didn't you say your moms "sometimes friend?"  

Answer 2

I understand that you are hurt because you did not receive an invite, but you also said that "She was thinking about the money and the things that shouldn't matter." Money can be a very big deal when it comes to a wedding. I am assuming that you are not married and have never planned a wedding - it can be extremely expensive and with each guest that you add on the more expensive it gets. If she invited you, then she would also have to invite a guest. All of those guests add up...especially when you are paying $60 or more per head.  

Answer 3

If the bride (her daughter) told you that she would love to have you there, then I think you should attend as your moms guest. Since your mom was invited to invite a guest, who she brings as a guest is technically up to her. If the bride is ok with you being there, your mom is ok with you being her guest, and you are ok with being there, then go.

The bride's mom does have some say in who comes, since she is footing the bill, but if the bride wants you there, then perhaps your mom should tell her friend what the bride told you, that she would love you to be there. Then, ask if you can attend as your mom's guest, not as a seperate invitee.  

Answer 4

i'd ask the bride directly. there could have been a miscommunication between her and your mother's friend, or your mom's friend could be speaking for your old friend without her even knowing. she may not feel the same, so always go to the source.

Answer 5

Well you are no longer close, maybe they are inviting those who they have remained directly in contact with.

If you were getting married would you invite her?  

Answer 6

personally people still reserve the right to invite who they want.

why would you want to go to a wedding where you aren't very welcomed anyway?

i would ask the bride (not her friend) why she felt your friendship was not welcome at the wedding and respect her answer-- you cant be mad at someone for their opinion unless they truly offend your character.

Answer 7

I understand why you would be hurt - but the bride has the right to invite who she wants to attend her wedding. Maybe she feels that the two of you aren't close anymore...or maybe there is another reason but her mother isn't saying.

Personally, I don't think I would want to attend as my mothers guest knowing that I wasn't invited in the first place.  

Answer 8

You know, I can understand having hurt feelings, but it's her wedding. She can invite who she wants. Obviously the bride doesn't want you there and her mother is trying to be as tactful as possible with your mother (her friend). You should bow out gracefully.  

Answer 9

Weddings can be so overwhelming that things (and people) can be over looked.  And her mother may have been trying to consider cost...that is what "older" people do best, so I wouldn't put to much weight on that. Just go as your mothers guest, and enjoy the chance to celebrate with an old friend....I am sure the bride would be delighted as well!

Answer 10

I am a bride (Oct. 11) so I apologize if I come off a bit rude (not really) - I have been planning for 7 months and I am tired of trying to make everyone happy!  We are well over 12K for this freaking wedding just because my mom and aunts want their friends to attend?  WTF?  You are not the bride, no one cares if your feelings get hurt!. If you want to see her then plan a visit after her honeymoon to catch up.  Besides isn't it tacky to invite yourself to someone's party?