Question:

I pull back, and he becomes more affectionate?! What does that mean!?!?

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background info: dated for almost 2 years. (hes 23 im 22)Broke up 2 months ago because we had individual issues to work on. Besides the first week we have been seeing eachother 4 or so times a week, we still talked everynight. I went out of town for a week. He has a key and permission to use my place while im gone.

Saturday night on the phone he says to me "i think i'm going to be spending alot more time at your place then either of us thought this semester. I think i'm going to bring my drumkit back over"

Sunday- I fly in. i land about noon. He calls me before i'm out of the airport. He calls me again about 230 and tells me he wants to take me to dinner and a movie, and asks if its ok if he spends the night. He picked me up about 5. we went shopping, to dinner, and then ended up seeing a friend play live at a bar (my idea instead of a move). So we get home get ready for bed, and then i say that im going to bed, are you coming? and he informs me he plans to sleep on the couch.....this upset me and i cried. i asked him if i need to move on from us or if we are going to work on us this semsester. we talk for a little while. i told him i feel like we are both trying to have our cake and eat it too. he said that he just really likes my company, spending time with me, and loves talking to me. That he isnt not going to give me and him another chance, hes just not giving me and him another chance right now.

Monday night- im on myspace and discover he was browsing girls (the settings were Specific to him)...on my computer....at my house. ...i was under the impression that we were working on ourselves and when we were both ready to be in a relationship again that we would give us another try. I confront him on the phone and tell him that i need a few days off from us, we talked for 40 min. he didnt have much to say. at first he tried making excuses and then said that he was looking because he was bored but it wasnt in a 'how you doin' picking up girls way..

Tuesday morning- he shows up unannounced a few min before 8am (he has a 35 min drive to my house). he comes and lays down on the bed with me. he apologized for last night. i told him i was sorry that it happened the way it did. he asked me if i wanted him in my life and i said yes without hestitation and 'that i have a lot on my mind right now' he asked 'like what' and i told him 'you, me. us, family stuff, school stuff' . he said 'ok, we can talk about that later, since your half asleep right now'. He called me at 5 while i was in class, at 945, and again at 1245 am. i didnt answer or call him back

wed- wrote him a message telling him i wasnt ignonring him, taking a few days to think and clear my head and figure out my feelings. before he read it he called my friend to check on me since i didnt call him back. they talked for 15 min. she told him that i need a few days and that i will call him when im ready.

MY QUESTION: What does this mean?! Why would he come cuddle, and be cute, and apologize, and everything? Why is he looking for other girls if hes not ready to be in a relationship? What is this not at the moment chance thing? when will he give us a chance? im so confused. i do want him in my life, and it may have to be as just a friend, but i cant hold onto this hope that we may be together again. i just dont get why he was so affectionate the next morning?!

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5 ANSWERS


  1. guys are difficult hun. if  i were u i'd dump him it will hurt at first but in the long run u will be happy about ur disicion


  2. If you figure it out, let me know!  :)

    I'm (a bit) older than you, and in my 2nd marriage.  My husband is 42, and still does the same thing.  A lot of it is insecurity, and in your guys case I think probably some immaturity, and some simple "not sure what he wants, but definitely wants to keep his options open".  A lot of the time the idea of being alone is so overwhelming and scary that people behave like he is because they want to be able to hang on.

    Hope this helps some...you're not the only one this has happened to.  It's pretty common.  If it makes you too uncomfortable, or hurts, you may want to consider being more firm about your time to yourself.  Make it clear to him that you mean what you say when you say it and aren't going to go back and forth on your decisions.  He'll get it with time.

  3. Because you're letting him use you.  He's got to keep you confused so you'd keep letting him play games.

    I think it's idiotic to let him have access to your place when you guys aren't even together.  You think being tolerant is mature?  You're wrong.

    Try cutting it off and taking charge of your own life instead of being manipulated.  That's the challenge, being your own woman and your own boss.

  4. He needs to grow up...he's a man-boy!  You sound too desperate, lose the jerk, cuz he's just taking everything you dish out. Plus, GET YOUR KEY BACK!!!!  Why were you so foolish to give it to him in the first place?  You're his hook-up thats all, a means to get what he wants is through you!! Stop letting him soak you like a sponge sweetie. You pull back, he.....its the challenge men are drawn to, its the 'pull' that excites him. Plus, he knows if he doesn't take the bait, you may just leave him. I hope you do.

  5. toss him out like yesterdays newspaper

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