I put someone as a referee in my resume, but I think he doesn't say good things about me?

Question

I have applied to a dorm and I want to transfer from another dorm. I have asked the head of my current dorm to be a reference so I can go to another dorm. In the reference letter though he said things about me that are not really good, such as 'I am quiet and say things that make people uncomfortable'. And I didn't get accepted to the new dorm.

And I used this same guy as my reference in my resume, and applied for many part time jobs but was largely unsuccessful. I am thinking he is not a very good reference.

But the odd thing is, he is quite cordial with me and we get along even though we disagree on some issues.

Should I trust this guy to be my reference or not?

Answer 1

No, do not use this person as a reference.  

If he can't say anything good about somebody, they he should not say anything.  In other words, if he doesn't feel he can honestly give you a good reference, he should have said so from the beginning.  Some people too, just do not know how to write a letter of recommendation -- he just might be one of them. I think if he especially has done this type of thing before to you, drop him like a hot rock.  The guy is worthless as a reference.

Answer 2

Sounds like you're asking yourself this question. and if you ARE questioning his trustworthiness, then I think you have your answer.

Answer 3

you know just talk to the guy and just tell him the truth.  Its better for him to know than be caught off guard and dont know what to say about you (even if comes out negative).  Just tell him you respect him for the indifference you both have, and you saw him as a mentor to you and coach him to say nice things about you when the call does come, and you would do the same for him if that occasion arises.  Believe me i have been in the same situation, but comes to find out the other person didnt dislike me, just needed to know more about me to like me as a person.  

Answer 4

It's called "damning with faint praise." He shouldn't be volunteering to be a reference if he doesn't understand what it means.  You might ask him why he torpedoed your application like that.  Maybe that wasn't really what he meant to say.

The safe thing is to to have references give you a letter of recommendation for you to submit with your application (or better, after they ask you for references).  That way, you won't be blindsided like this, deliberately or unintentionally.

By the way, is there any truth in what he wrote?  Could your people skills stand to be improved, maybe?

Answer 5

Most likely he is being honest. Being friendly with someone does not mean that I would recommend him to others for certain things.  

Answer 6

drop him as a reference

Answer 7

Here's something I'd do: Ask one of your friends to pose as the human resources of a made-up company from his own phone (because if you ask your friend he'll never admit it, and he'll recognize your voice or Caller ID if you do it yourself) and give your friend a call. Ask him some typical interview questions like what your overall impression of [your name] is, how well does he get along with other people, any noteworthy achievements and so on.

If you're good friends and all on the surface but have occasional conflicts on some things, deep down there might be some resentment going on... If he is talking smack, go find a new friend.