I really don't know what to do....?

Question

I've asked this question before with a different account (forgot login.) But really, it's serious. (I asked it last night too, but I didn't get any help.) It might take a while, but it would mean so much to me if you could read my first question to understand my problem better.

http://ph.answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Av.fEjN2aBDUhDUgBm0gw_9KcxV.;_ylv=3?qid=20080330204517AArcpX0

So, I was having trouble taking the advice given - like, telling my mom how I felt, and our relationship is totally ruined. We argue all the time, and say really hurtful things to each other. She thinks I'm a rude person, but I'm not, I just don't have any respect towards her or my dad, which gets me at trouble at home because they tell me they deserve respect and love, but they don't. One day my mom and I got in a huge fight (well actually, we got in two big fights.) Where we were kicking and scratching each other, and swearing at each other. After the second one, I told her about all my feelings - how I hated my life, and I didn't feel like living anymore, and I don't know why I don't just kill myself because my life sucks, and how nobody cares about me, and how she didn't even take me to the doctor, or make sure I was okay, and just expected me to be happy. She just said "Well, you know this is hard for me too, but I'm doing what's best for the family, and none of that makes it okay for you to treat me like you do." And when I started talking about the infection, she said "What do you expect me to do? I'm not taking my daughter to the doctor, and having them think you're sexually active." But I couldn't bring myself to tell her about exactly what happened. I jsut wanted to see a doctor. But she won't take me, because she's too embarrassed. I'm almost positive that I have something, and I don't want it left untreated, but it is obvious to me something is not right. Then I asked to see a therapist, and she just said "I don't know." and she hasn't looked into it yet. During the day I can't even concentrate, and I'm always in a daydream where I have this perfect life, and someone one day - will love me despite how messed up I am because of all of this. I make wishes about it, and think about it before I go to sleep, and all through the day. But I really just want to work this out, but I know there is no way that would happen. My life isn't getting any better. My mom really thinks she's trying, and everyone in my house thinks they have it the worst. My little brother always complains, and on top of that he makes jokes about molestation and rape, and he doesn't know that I've been a victim, and his dad is the abuser, and it makes me so sad. I also feel like I want to tell my friends, so they'll understand my negative outlook on life, but I don't know if they're close enough, or if they really like me, because I don't have a BEST friend. Besides someone who truly loves me, I just want that. Plus, the material things about my life are fine. I went to summer camp across the country, went shopping in New York, got thousands of dollars in new clothes, and got my bedroom remodeled this summer, my parents let me charge hundreds of dollars on itunes on their credit card off the hook, and I'm doing a pageant, and all... but none of that makes up for the damage that they've done to me. I don't even know what my question is...... I just need help, I mean, what do I do now? How do I take care of the infection I probably have? Am I crazy? Do I have some mental problem? What is life even for? Do my parents really love me? Is this life even worth it, because I always tell myself that if things don't get better in 10 years, I'll just kill myself, but I don't know if I should just do it now. I don't really want to die, but I don't want to live. Not like this. Nobody cares about me at all. But I care about myself, kind of. I try to cover up all my insecurities by acting happy, and jumpy and ditzy and carefree, and concieted.... but I'm not anything I want to be. I don't have close friends, I'm not that pretty, and most of all I'm not happy, or healthy, or even sane. I can put on that act and once I get home; or see my parents, it all falls down. I'm just so confused. I need help.

Answer 1

he has scarred you for life. he did a horrible, terrible thing, and what your mother's doing is almost as bad.

your father denies it, and your mother doesn't care.

you neeeeddd to tell someone. this is serious. it's not the 'i can't do this to my family'. THAT DOES NOT MATTER. i really can't stress that enough. i know it must be hard, and you don't want to do it.

forget your mother; isn't there another adult you can tell? anyone at all that can drive you to the doctor, because [depending on what it is], if you have an STD, it can be fatal.

as for the counseling, you need to talk to an other adult, someone who cares enough about you to take you to and pay for therapy [seeing as your parents obviously won't]. if you don't have that person, you seriously need to get a hold of CPS, there's no other choice

you might hurt your family doing whatever you do to take action on this, but not any more than your father could have hurt you.

i am really sorry about your situation, honestly. reading your questions makes me cry. please, please, please get to a doctor and a therapist!!! pleeease! it will do you wonders of good. the doctor; obvious. the therapist; can help you with all those things you said, the rape, the suicidal thoughts, your parents, please, consider telling someone

please be strong and get help. you will regret it if you don't. be strong

Answer 2

I'm so sorry. Just reading this seriously brought tears to my eyes. I'm really REALLY sorry I don't have an answer. I really am. I know that I wish that every question in our lives had an answer. I hope you find your answer, God bless you.

Answer 3

u need to find a social worker u might 1 have in ur school or go to the police tell ur teacher all abt that if she can help or tell ur best friend or the 1 who closest to u dont be just stressed out i dont evan kno how old r u?u must be teen ager my best advise is to go to the social worker or go to the police if ur mom is not listening to u tell the police everything i hope they can undertsand ur problem or go to the dr by urself with ur best friend,i hope if its work for u

GOOD LUCK.

Answer 4

you NEED to see a doctor, and now. if your parents wont take you there, then just go on your bike. if its too far, then tell one of your friends or friend's mom and have them take you there. you need to tell someone about this, or you'll never find help. obviously, your parents care more about their own ego than your well-being, so why should you even get their consent about something that decides your entire life? go to the school counselor, too. they may not be trusted, but they are free and a bit dependable. i really hope you get help.

Answer 5

OK - here is what you do ...

Your most pressing problem is that you might have an STD or infection. You are sick. Tell your mom that your ear or throat hurts so she will take you to the doctor. Have the doctor check you out.

Your second problem ....

You are very depressed, and rightly so. You dont have to live like this. A horrible thing happened to you and you spoke up for yourself. That is very important. I am not sure how old you are, but you need to focus on the things in your life that are under your control. Tell the doctor that you are depressed. I am not sure if a regular doctor can prescribe antidepressants, but it cant hurt to try.

You should try to find a creative (or sporty) outlet for yourself. Join a group or club or team. This will get you out of the house and around other people to give you an opportunity to make friends... real friends... someone you can trust and confide in.  

For the long run, you have to talk to an adult you trust. Does your mom have a sister. I have a baby now, and I will tell her that she can always go to my sister if she needs anything she cant talk to me about. And I have told my sister to do whatever needs to be done.  

Answer 6

you can always go to planned parenthood, and about th parent thing, i feel you i never knew my dad he actually got murdered three houses away when i was 7, my mom has always been in and out of prison, i always felt like no one loved me, and no one cared, i dont have material things and i would act just like you, but inside im broken, im 19 and i live by myself i have my own apt and i stuggle to make my rent and bills, but me being happy is worth the struggle. about the molestation or rape? you can always call your local child protective services[been through it][lots] they should get you out of there...but the only thing is alot of kids that are taken away from there parents go into the same situations with foster parents[all kinds of abuse] but sometimes the parents can be the ones you always wanted....if you want to talk more, you can write me....

Answer 7

you need to talk to some one who can help you like a counselor  

Answer 8

Go to a counselor.  If you don't give your parents they won't give it back. My one friend is like that. Except her mom gives her some respect. Like I said go to a counselor! PLEASE!

Answer 9

First of all, you don't sound crazy to me. I've heard a lot of people who have been raped say that they feel like they are, though. I think it's just because you have so much going on in you mind and with your emotions because of what happened.

Do you have any adult relatives that you could maybe ask to take you to a doctor, instead of your mom? Unfortunately, I can't seem to find any other way for you to get to a doctor.

The best advice I can give right now is to try calling a help line. I found a few if you'd like to try them. I'm sure they'd have better advice than anyone on yahoo answers will.

For any kind of problem, 24/7:

1-800-448-3000

Rape / Sexual Assault

NO MEANS NO: 1-877-666-3267

Rape Abuse and Incest National Network (RAINN)   1-800-656-HOPE (4673)

All kinds of help numbers:

http://www.loveourchildrenusa.org/kidste...

I'm still trying to find some way to help you, so if I find something, I'll edit my post.

Life is worth living... even if you don't always think so... It'll get better.

You can email me if you want to, if you need to talk.