Question:

I really don't like my status.....?

by Guest59182  |  earlier

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in my family. Although I'm twenty-one years old, my fear is that I will be rejected even more so than what I've been rejected before. My half-brother learned that he is having a girl which means that I'm going to become an aunt for the third time. I never had a healthy relationship with him, and I don't like his girlfriend, who is the mother of their daughter-to-be. It's obvious that she knows where I stand in the family. Our mother has always favored him. It's apparent that he and his girlfriend talk about me behind my back, and that she feels she has the right away. I know that they're not going to make their daughter respect me. If my mother and I are in the same proximity, they'll ignore me. Prior to her becoming pregnant with their child, she looked at my mother on more than one occasion, and said,"Hi, Mom while I was present." My half-brother had the audacity to tell me that they were expecting when any other time, I'm ignored by them. What really hurt me was when my mother felt the need to invite her to a seminar that was exclusively for females of all ages. My thoughts were, how could you? Why should I feel like the tag along? Although she insited that we should unite as a family, why should it be during our quality time? His gilrfriend is someone who already knows how I'm treated, so I felt more than betrayed when she mentioned inviting her when it was suppose to be she and I. I've always been an outcast. The daughter that my brother's girlfriend has outside of their relationship looks older than her years. I'm almost certain that their daughter will more than likely look the same when she 's her age which would hurt, because I've always looked younger than my years. At twenty-one, I've never dated. I can easily be mistaken for twelve, I'm unappealing, and men definately aren't attrated to me. I'm "often" ridiculed. When their daughter is the age that I am, I'm going to be reminded of everything that I missed out on. It hurts that my mother will never hear about her teenage daughter going on her first date. She'll experience everything through her granddaughter; not her daughter. Because she's a female, friends and associates that are in her life will be discussed by her granddaughter; not her daughter since I've always been rejected. When the day comes that she's twenty-one, and she's loving every moment of her youth, and admiring every curve on her body, and enjoying the company of her friends and her boyfriend, I'd be lying if I said that I wouldn't be jealous and hurt when reminded about everything that I never had. I feel as though there's no place for me. My mother has often placed other people before me. Growing up, I was always attacked by my mother's sister for being young. My mother never acknowleged any of my complaints about how I was treated. It hurts that now I'm in a predicament where my niece's youth will be waved in my face like a banner: Here's all of the things that you missed out on. I feel replaced. I can easily see where my mother would find everything that she wanted in a daughter in her granddaughter. I feel as though I going to be subject to taking my brother and his girlfriend's abuse, because they'll always have their daughter over me. I really feel as though I don't belong. I want to deal with the situation to the best of my ability, but I'm unable to be happy for their daughter. I'm fed-up with being happy for everyone. I literally hate the idea of being a terrific aunt when I had an aunt that made my life a living h**l whenever I was around her. I don't want to be the black sheep of the family in feeling subject to taking my brother and his girlfriend's abuse, because they're having a daughter and everyone is going to rally around his girfriend and their new born baby. I don't want to be the one that is soon forgotten. I'd be glad to accept any advice input. Pls don't make me feel any worse than what I already feel.

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4 ANSWERS


  1. Girl, you deserve so much more. It sounds like your mom is AWOL. The verbal and emotional abuse is sickening. It is a pity that "Mama's baby boy" is being babied so much. You need to launch out of there and put your so-called family in your rear-view mirror.

    You need a plan. First, I will recommend hitting the health food store for a couple of supplements, namely a preparation called "Happy Camper" and/or some "Holy Basil" in gelcaps (I like the New Chapter brand). This will immediately help lift the cloud off of you.

    Go do the ol' "day of beauty" thing... get a make-over. If funds are short, go down to the local cosmetology school. You need makeup, hair, and some clothes stying expertise... clothes that work with your body instead of against it. You will be surprised at how little it really takes to make the most of your looks.

    Get out there and get a job. If you can, enroll in a community college... a lot of them have 2 year vocational programs geared to getting you into the job market quickly. Please consider that. The more you get out and meet people and achieve things for yourself, the better you will feel.

    Living well is the best revenge.


  2. Girl, no offense, but you don't just look 12, you also act like a 12-year-old. Common, get a life. You're a black sheep in a family because you choose to be one. Stop complaining and start creating your future. Your mother will adore her granddaughter because it's a granddaughter. Grandparents feel differently about their grandchildren. And why do you even care about how your brother and his girlfriend treat you? If she doesn't acknowledge your presents, then forget about her. I used to complain to my mom that she loves my siblings more than she does me and what did I gain by doing it? Nothing. Instead, I just started to live my life the way I thought was right for me (and still thing is right for me). When my parents complained, I just said, "Dear parents, you've given me the best possible foundation a parent can give to a child, but now at 21 it's my time to build the walls on this foundation. You cannot do for me!" They got the point and respected me for that.

    It would be nice if you get alone with your sister-in-law (a potential one), but if not, what can you do about it? Nothing. It's their life and they have a right to live it the way they want.

    Oh, by the way, don't take your anger out on your niece. She has nothing to do with your childhood experience. Do the opposite of what your aunt did.  

  3. I wish I could help but it sounds like a counselor may be needed. Joanne Tilton of Children's Hospital is a great one, hope this helps.

  4. Ok, your family didn't treat you very well, but even when they do try to include you, you somehow find fault with that. Now you are going to pass on their problems by being jealous of your niece instead of trying to be a good aunt. Hello? You are an adult and your niece is an innocent baby who hasn't done anything to slight you yet. Frankly, you need to get a life. Go get some counseling and try to get a more mature perspective on this.

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