I really need help, I think I am crazy?

Question

Okay so normally I am just the normal shy girl. But when someone older than me single me out from the crowd and show me the least bit of empathy, I just want to **** them. I want to show them how bad I am, and not bad in a sexual way. I want to show them that I am out of control, that I’m a rebel, a wild child.

I even have these little fantasies where they catch me in the act of doing drugs or drinking or having s*x with someone else. I guess the design of these fantasies is to make someone fall in love with me, worship me, then I show them who I really am, that I’m broken, that I’m a rebel. They then try to fix me and no matter what they don’t give up on me, this stuff really gets me off. But it’s much more than anything sexual, it’s like I get this psychological gratification from these fantasies.

I call this part of me the dark part of me. The ‘good’ part of me is still in control, but I don’t know how longer I can control myself. I would love to just self destruct and have someone pick me up from the ashes, even though I refuse to. I have this innate feeling to break free, to relinquish and rebel – to self destruct. Then have someone see this and try to fix me, this is like the core of me, it’s who I am. But it’s starting to ruin my life and my friendships, why am I like this? And how can I fix this?

Only mature answers please…

Answer 1

Everyone has a werid dark secret.

Even if they are as shy as they come.

Try to talking to a Theripest.

Explain your secret to them.

Or you can actually try living your fantasy?

Fake drink in front of your friend?

Have some beer in your bookbag if going to a friend's house?

Than cry and admit that you need help?

How old are you?  

Answer 2

I believe you are angry about something that you don't really know.

have you had trouble at home?

or when you were younger and you havn't recovered from do you think?

many things can trigger this off deep inside you may feel alone and just want the attention which anyone would want.. try and write a list of things that may have hurt you and go down crossing the ones you

know deffinatley hasn't hurt you and you are over. the ones you are uncertain of think right back and try and overcoming them to see if that helps.  

Answer 3

see a doctor?

Answer 4

women are stupid creatures

Answer 5

many people want to be a wild child because they know what its like to be shy an quiet and then they want to experience the wild life.

i used 2 be ded shy but now im drunk almost every night.

u should hook up wif me ;) x

Answer 6

I would consult a psychiatrist, not because you are crazy, but because you are having a difficult time controlling your emotions, if what I comprehended is to be taken as the truth. Other than that I don't see what I can tell you besides the fact that rehab is not fun, just because Brittney and Lindsay did it, it does not make it enjoyable.  

Answer 7

somrthing has happen in your formative years that has produced this yearning.  from reading your summary i gather this:  it's not the "bad things" you are seeking but the pick me up at the end.  it seems as though you have a hard time trusting and really what you are seeking  is the solid foundation of loyalty.  you are so gaurded and have up a thick wall that you feel you must tempt and test the person to see if they will really stick around through your episode or if they will bolt.  you need that security to KNOW beyond the shadow of a doubt that this person really does care and will be there no matter what i go through.  a counselor who will just listen may help.  a dream journal will give wonderful insight also.  you are not broken just fearful, and this could be subconscious.  you should dig a little deeper maybe sit in on a course on psycology and you will discover so much about things you never knew about yourself

Answer 8

ummm.... i understand the feeling of wanting to stand out-have you tried something like dying your hair or being a goth? maybe punk? i know this helps me feel better. good luck! : )

Answer 9

Well to me its sounds like either three things:

1) You need an output, you need to release some emotions, like you may have some pent up anger inside of you, some annoyances that you did nothing about.

2) You want attention, since you said you were shy, maybe you just want some attention.

3) You are actually F***ing insane and need to institutionalize yourself.

Ross