I really need some good advice

Question

Here's a summary...my fiance & I are getting married and he will have a degree as an engineer in one year (great $)...so i wont be working when we have kids b/c i want to be home with them. For right now, i'm in college (only my 2nd year), but i wonder whats the point...if i'm not going to work after i have kids. And if i don't go to school, then i can switch to working full-time and get benefits & make more $ to save up for our wedding & since the our 1st year of marriage he will be in school, this will also be a way for me to make more $ for our living expenses. Any good advice would be great!! Thanks!!

Answer 1

I would continue the education .. your kids are only going to be young for a short while . you would be putting yourself on shelf by dropping out to start a family. You can get your degree so when the kids get into school you can start your career . I think you will regret it later if you leave school.  

Answer 2

Please finish your college education!

I became a SAHM after getting two degrees and being in the workforce for years. I was 28 when we got married.

Those degrees were not a waste, not at all.

You have to think ahead - what if something (hope it doesn't obviously) happened to him, and you have to work later - better to have a profession than a minimum wage paying job.

Plus, just finishing being educated shows you are dedicated and committed, and finish what you start!

Answer 3

Listen- I know it seems right now that you'll probably never have to work, so there's no point in continuing your education, but in this day and age, having nothing but your MRS degree isn't going to cut it.  You need to look at the big picture.  Sure, if all works out (and I hope it does!) you'll get to be a stay-at-home mommy while your hubby goes out and earns those big bucks, but you can't count on it.  Lots of things could change- for example, the economy's really bad right now, so there's no guarantee your fiance's going to get an amazing job right out of school, and even if he does, there's always a chance of a layoff situation or something similar.  If you have no degree or work experience, you won't be able to pitch in with a job of your own should the need arise.

Also, I know it's the very last thing a bride-to-be wants to think about, but you have to consider the possibility of divorce, no matter how remote.  I hope you two live happily ever after, but on the off-chance that things don't work out, wouldn't you rather be left on your own with a degree and marketable skills?  I've heard so many horror stories of women who didn't continue their educations and stopped working when they got married, only to get divorced and have no way to earn enough on their own to support themselves and their children.  Like I said, I hate to be a Debby Downer, but you really have to consider all possibilities, no matter how awful they may be.  

On a positive note, it's not all that far-fetched that you simply may just want to go back to work after the kids are in elementary school full-time.  Lots of stay-at-home moms find that they miss going to work after staying home with the kids for a few years.  Just in case you do feel that way sometime, wouldn't you rather have a nice degree so you can get a better job than you would without one?

Stay in school, earn that degree, and if you can try to maybe gather at least a couple years of on-the-job experience before becoming a mommy, it will look really good on your resume, should you ever have to (or choose to) go back into the workforce.

Answer 4

Finish school while you can.

When you have kids, you won't have the time or energy to go back to school. When the kids get older or grow up and leave, you might want to go back to work. OR, if you would happen to get a divorce (hey, it happens), you should have a good career to fall back on to be able to support yourself or your future kids. Finish school!!

Answer 5

Stay in school... what you are thinking as Great$$ now may not seem as great when it is covering a house, cars, kids ...etc.  Also, in the current economy in know a few engineers who have been out of work for a considerable amount of time and are taking jobs at lower salaries just to work.

You never know what the future holds so you should do your best to prepare for whatever it may bring.

Answer 6

Stay in college. My kids are 4 and 2 and I never finished. Don't get me wrong. I have a great job with great pay, but I'm single now. Always prepare yourself for the worst. Can I raise kids by myself? Can I support them by myself? Not to say that your marriage isn't going to work, that's not what I'm saying. I'm just saying to make sure you're educated and if you want to stay at home and be a full time mom, more power to you. BUT if you want to work, you can, and you have the paper that says so.

FYI: My fiancee's cousin has a Master's in Accounting and Finance from UM and ALSO went to law school at Harvard and passed the BAR. She is now a housewife and stay-at-home mom.

Good luck!!! :)

Answer 7

You should definitely finish school, even if you say you want to stay home with kids in the future you never know what will happen.  College allows you to get better paying jobs down the road, trust me I didn't finish and now I'm home with two kids and need to go back to work but can't cause I won't make enough to pay for child care.  Times get rough and you may both need to work, finish up that way you always have it to fall back on if you do need it.

Answer 8

My advice is simple -- finish school. Although at the moment, it may seem almost pointless, it is a very important thing to do. There are so many things that could happen later in life that would make you regret not finishing. And once you have kids, it becomes a lot harder to go back and finish. Although no one goes into a marriage expecting to be the one to get divorced, it happens, and if it happens to you, you need to be prepared to stand on your own two feet. Not to mention, what would happen if something happened to your husband and he couldn't work. Or if when your kids get older, you want to go back to work and can't find a rewarding career because you didn't get your degree. A wedding is only one day in your life, and if you plan carefully, you can have a great, beautiful wedding on a small budget.  

Answer 9

Your education should be a priority!  Do not stop going to school.  It might be tight at first, but will pay off in the end.  With your degree, you will be able to work full-time until you have kids, and your experience might lend itself to your working on your own, from home, while the kids are small.

What will happen to you if Mr. Wonderful becomes Mr. Cheats-on-His-Wife, or your marriage otherwise falls apart?  If you don't have your degree, you will never make enough money to make ends meet and support any children you might have.

Besides, those kids will only be little for a short while, and you will possibly want something to do besides be a housewife once they are older...

Education is something that is always valuable, even if it is obtained for the sake of learning and evolving as a human.  

An educated mama begets edcuated children!  Consider the college degree as an investment in your future, and the future of any children you may have.

As a woman who has been married for 21 years, I encourage you to  have a wedding as cheaply as you can; it is better to have a healthy bank account when emergencies arise, than bills from a $45-thousand dollar wedding.  That is enough for a down payment on a house, my dear!

Our wedding was done on a shoe-string and we saved every nickel we could for a house down-payment and I am so glad we did!

Answer 10

Finish your degree.  Even if you don't plan to be working while your children are young, you never know what will happen.  It's always good to have a backup.  If you finish your degree, whether you need a job sooner then you think, or you decide to go back to work once your children are in school full-time, it will be easier for you to find a better job with a degree.

Answer 11

Stay in school. Things don't always work out as planned and you may need your college degree down the road. Your husband may die prematurely and leave you with children to raise. Your marriage may end in divorce and you may have to get out there and make it on your own. Your husband may be disabled and not able to work..you may have to be the breadwinner for the family.

Anything can happen. c**p happens and plans change. Look out for yourself and YOUR future as well as your future as a couple. Get your education....it's better to have it and not need it, than to need it and not have it!

Answer 12

Your future is more important than the actual wedding event.  Make sure you finish school.  Even though you won't be working when you have kids, you still need a backup plan.  A college degree is one of the best backup plans because it gives you choices.  I went to college 2 years, got married, had a child.  Then, found myself in divorce.  Now, you may not.  But, you need to realize that anything is possible.  Your husband could become disabled, sick or worse.  Then, what are you going to do?  Now, you're there with no college degree and kids to take care of by yourself.  I ended up being fine, but it wasn't easy for quite a long time.  I'm still working towards that degree more than 15 years later.  It's so much easier to go to school when you're young.  If you need to stretch out the time you're going- and go maybe part time while you work and save money that's good too.  Just don't quit all together.  

Answer 13

Try very hard to think more long term.  It is so hard and I can see all of the reasons why you would feel this way.  But the crystal ball doesn't tell you what all the horrible possibilities are down the road.  PLEASE FORGIVE me for being morbid as that is not my intention.  Yet THESE are the realreasons yet not the proper ettiquette to discuss and why people have a hard time connecting with you abou tstaying in school.  What if one day your family gets struck by disaster. Hubby doesn't survive a plane trip to Chicago for business.  Something bad happens.  How easy will it be to provide for your children alone?  What if he gets hurt badly and not only do you have to provide for the kids but you must provide for him as well.  Let's consider tha laternative what IF one day down the road you find yourself feeling empty or at a loss because you don't feel you ever finished the thingsyou started to do for yourself in life. THEN you want to go back.  The cost of education will be much greater and it isn't as easy to learn or to study once you've passed that age entriely.  

There is an ol dsaying which I use quite often.  It says "it's better to have it and not need it than to need it and not have it."  Right now you don't have the kids.  You are free to work and go to school if you need to.  This changes once you hve children.  It is not that easy.  Child care, hours, cost of their school, your school, etc..

All I am saying is don't put ALL your hopes and efforts onlyon the fact that the wedding is coming up and that is the big focus.  Better yet try to look down the road.  The commitment you are making shuold mean that you will be ready if or when the situation ever came up to provide for your own family and help out.  Whether or not dad makes good money isn't always the only thing to consider.  With the economy the way it is and for many years prior, it has become necessary for both adults to work to maintain a household.  As for the cost of the wedding it would be smart to save as much of that as you can.  Why find something more to spend money on or monies going to help you to throw the one big party of your life.  I still disagree on the fact that there is a set amount EXPECTED for a guy to spend on a ring for the girl.  WHAT?  Yes they say it is a portion of his income.  Nonetheless.  My grandmother never even had a ring until her 30's.  Their life together consisted of both parents working hard, moving their whole family across country adn making sure their kids got an education.  Either you have been very comfortable in your life with your parents and you see being comfortable about your fiance's career choices so you just don't anticipate any danger that may lie ahead, or you are just young, in love, andplanning a wedding like most people do and you don't see the possible snags in the overall plan.  There is no right answer by the way.  Talk to your fiance.  If He or your families are counseling you to finish school there is a reason and it sin't JUST to make things harder on you.  Ultimately that should come down to you and him.  If he wants to promise that you will never have to work and he will never leave you.  You can make that bet with him and do so with an open heart.  But what if ???  that is all.  Make sure you have what you need for yourself just in case one day your choices are limited somehow and you are required to take some sort of action.  Waitressing is hard work and nothing you want to be doing in your later years.  Be smart. Don't be too willing to spend the money.  Spend what is necessary- Home, education, transportation.  SAVE SAVE SAVE!!!  And Good Luck.

Answer 14

Things to think about:

- You're halfway done. Why quit now? Going back later is a LOT harder.

- What if you can't/don't get pregnant? No babies to take care of and no degree to get a good job. Backup plan?

- What if your fiance gets laid off/sick/hurt and can't work? You should be able to support yourself and your family if God forbid something happens to him.

Always think about the consequences of your actions. Stay in school and finish your degree. If you don't want to continue full time, continue part-time and get a part-time job to save money. That way you'll still be on the right track to your degree and you'll get some money in savings.

Plus, your kids won't always be little. When they are older, what will you do with your time?

Good luck!

Answer 15

Well, don't you want to go back to work when your kids go to school? Otherwise you'll be home all day by yourself. An education is a good thing to have just in case. And it's something to do for yourself. But, it's also completely up to you. Talk to your fiance and do whatever feels right.

Congratulations on the marriage!

Answer 16

There are NO guarantees in life.  You would be short sighted to quit now.  What happens if you get divorced??  Or if something happens to your hubby and you become a widow?  Or he has trouble finding a job?  Or his company shuts down?

I hope none of those things happen, but if they do, you are better off to have an education if you have the opportunity to obtain one.

We rarely regret the things we do, but we often regret the things we don't do.

Answer 17

i would say stay in school and possibly get a part time job if you could handle school an work. open a savings account and have you checks directly deposited into that account and don't take money out just save it for your wedding. ultimately its you choice if you want to work full time try to go to school part time or take on-line classes. education is very important so think before you make any decisions

Answer 18

You cannot forsee the future...if one day you find yourself needing to be the sole support of those kids, at least a degree & work experiance in your background will stack the deck more favorably for you......

Answer 19

Why should you finish your education?  For your future children!  Show them that an education is important & necessary.  

Answer 20

Stay in college, finish your degree, for both your sakes.  

In a couple of years from now, whenever your at social events with hubby's engineering co-workers, the first thing people ask is "What do you do", when you reply "SAHM", there's no where really to go from there, so the next question they will ask is "Where did you study/go to school".  Two things are happening, they are trying to be conversational and secondly, in the corporate world, they are sizing you/hubby up as executive material.

They will probably deem either you or both of you....subpar.  They will silently wonder what an engineer is doing with a college dropout, they will wonder if you got pregnant, they might begin to question hubby's judgment and a promising career can stall right there!  It's not fair, nice, pretty...but truthful.

Then there's you.  In a couple of years, when the babies are grown, you'll want some type of work to keep you busy, don't waste your talents because you never finished your degree.  It will might even affect your self-esteem later on in life, when you realize....you were the one who gave up everything....all your outside accomplishments will be through your hubby.

Think this through very carefully.  Good Luck

Answer 21

If I am reading this right, you are wondering whether or not it is a good idea to either put college on hold or put it off altogether.  Well, with kids in the picture, you will be forced to put it off anyway, and there's NOTHING wrong with that.  BUT...Once you get the opportunity to complete your degree-even part time or online-you should finish.

Answer 22

Education should be priority.

Quitting college to work menial jobs to pay for a wedding is not wise.

A wedding is only one day, education willl last forever.

Good luck

Answer 23

Get the education and wait to have the children.  It's hard going back to school after you've been out a while if you go back at all. It seems to me that you're looking for an excuse to not go to school. If you have to ask you know in your heart it's not the right thing to do.  As people have told you nothing is a sure thing.  You have to think of your future. Education always comes first.

Answer 24

Without a degree you're less likely to get a job with good benefits. Unless things are really tight for you guys I'd say stay in school - it's a lot of work to go back to school once you have kids to finish your degree, I know two women who did this. One, in my opinion, seems to be really overdoing it (she's working full-time nights, has 4 kids, and is going to finish her degree in just a few years), and the other one works harder than anyone I've ever known. She worked to put her husband through school, and then she went to school part time for 15 years to get her degree.

While engineers don't make a lot of money, he'll likely be making enough to pay off student loans for you guys. Finances will work out better, because if you're a student you won't have as much time to take care of the house (pre-prepared food costs more) afterwards. The woman who was in school part time for 15 years had a professional husband, and there were times when even rice and beans couldn't quite make ends meet.