I really need some help with this please?

Question

It has been 6 weeks since my bf of 7 years and I broke up due to the fact he was cheating on me with his married boss who has 2 kids and is married, who he chose over me, and she is leaving her husband for him. They have known each other for 3 months.

Most days when I am not in shock I am okay and getting use to the idea and my new life, but lately it seems as though our entire 7 year r/ship flashes through my head so vividly, every smile he gave me, hugs, conversations, our life decisions, Christmas', birthdays, shopping together, every single moment of us, and it makes me so sad it just takes over, and I just want it to go away, I don't want to be sad over and miss someone who treated me so bad in the end, how can I stop it? Please any help would be great.

Answer 1

It will stop in time if you embrace this as part of the grieving process. Long term break ups feel like grieving as far as I'm concerned. Freud said repetition helps us come to terms with trauma, so playing out the past over and over is healthy at the stage you're at. Think of it as peaks and troughs which gradually level out. You're making progress.

p.s. in my opinion you did the right thing, doesn't make it easier yet but it will.

Answer 2

Unfortunately theres no quick fix. Facts are you loved someone that didnt love you enough to do right by you, and it sux.. this person has been a huge part of your life for so long and you gave up so much of yourself for him to in the end have him be so cruel.  The hurt will last along time and sometimes we dont get over the hurt we just learn how to cope with it.  Although its hard to look at the positives right now, one day u will wake up and thank god that he did u a favor. He obviously has no reguard for commitment, and he has the character flaw with in him to be able to cheat. This is not someone u would of wanted to be the father of your children or your husband because he would of done this eventually and possibly had done it in the past right under your nose..  vows and children wouldnt of kept him from doing this if its in his nature to be able to do so , so be greatful that it happened now and not years from now with children and vows involved..  

   One day you'll wake up and u'll realize that right now ur not mourning the loss of "him" .. but the loss of a dream u once had, and the dream is still there to have.. just u had the wrong guy in the dream.. and the right one will come along..

  

  When ur ready to move on.. when ur ready to let the past stay in the past and move ahead into the future.. the pain will start going away, it just takes time, and faith..  

Answer 3

A boyfriend for 7 years. That's one red flag. It shows the lack of ability to commit to you..or perhaps it shows your reluctance to commit to him, maybe seeing something in him that didn't quite sit right with you, waiting for him to change in some way maybe before making that commitment.  If that was the case, then your intuition turned out to be right, evidenced by the fact that he went off and had an affair with his boss.  I'm sure it's difficult, but you deserve more than that. If you ever care to email me..feel free.

Answer 4

forget the past, you enjoyed it, great! now move on! forget that *****, god will send you a better man!

Answer 5

You may want to move on he has.

Just relax and everything will be alright.

Move on. With relationships the long ones take awhile to heal.

Answer 6

unfortunately theres no hard and fast rule to dealing with the sense of loss you now feel. you owuld be really wierd if you did not feel this way, 7yrs is a long time to give to a relationship most marriages don't last that long. just take it at a time , try and get rid of things that tie both of you togehter , mementos keepsakesetc. focus on rebuilding and restucturing your life, stay away from relationships for awhile and focus on self improvement , time will take care of the rest

  

Answer 7

Find a guy and f him. Move on...don't waste any more time. Be happy.

Answer 8

Sorry to say that for the first year you will go thru a roller coaster of emotions, from shock to sadness to anger.  Eventually the pain fades and you move on, but after only 6 weeks the scars have yet to heal and fade.

Since you realize you have started a new life, make sure to remove all items that could trigger those flashes of memories.  Box up all trinkets, photo and gifts and put in on a top shelf until your ready to discard them.  Start reclaiming your life piece by piece.  Realize that he has moved on and is not looking back so you must do the same.

Answer 9

just pretend that he duznt exist.. and get out there and find sum1 new!!

Answer 10

the only cure for grief is time.  every day that passes will be easier than the one before.  just like losing a  loved one to sudden death,  the sudden loss of love is a shock to the entire system.  give yourself this time, cry, scream, ve3nt your pain to your friends,  let this happen...it will easy soon.  then get on with your life.  there are many that will tell you not to cry over this loser, but that will not help, you need to cry out this pain, it has great healing powers. good l**k in your new life, i hope you make the best of it.

Answer 11

I am so sorry, I can only imagine the hurt.  But you know what the grass isn't always greener on the other side and he is going to realize that someday. 3 months is not a long time to know each other and make such drastic changes. Its only lust not love.  They will always be suspicious of one another because they both cheated.  She has two kids and that love affair won't be very exciting for very much longer. Its easier said than done, but try real hard to move on.  When your thinking of the good memories immediately think about the bad memories.  And be glad he's gone.  I'm sorry hon, hope it gets better for you.  Time does heal every wound.

Answer 12

this to shall pass.ive been there ,i know how it feels.give time time.avoid places you used to go.consider the stones in the pirimads.they got that shape by chipping and chipping and chipping.they did not become symetric overnight..do not become bitter,that is destructive.love him and let him go.pray for his happyness.try getting out with friends.avoid him at all costs

Answer 13

Do you have any friends go out and have some fun stop sitting at home looking at the walls. Make sure you look your best and the person that is meant for you will find you. Don't look thou let them find you.

Answer 14

The sad thing here is no right or wrong answer. Its going to be  up to you to find the answers that you are searching for. I do wish you a lot of luck. I know there is alot of hurt going on.  

Answer 15

unfortunately their s no medicine for a broken heart....i can feel what you feel... it is a very crazy kind of feelings... somedays you cry somedays you laug... just pray you will feel better...

Sure you will find a much better one!!!!!!

Answer 16

am so sorry but only time heals and as the bible says there is a time for everything, so i suggest you live one day at a time, eventually you will get over him,and if you pray to god and let him help you, you will get over it sooner than you think, he is a jerk, one day he will realise wat a bum he was but it would be too late because by then you would have found someone that makes you smile better than he ever did. and for the seven years that he made you waste he will get 14years of grievance. all the best!

Answer 17

Be Grateful the cheat left you.....Yes it will hurt but you know what u will find someone better just think the positive about all this and that you are free....Yes you will always have memory's and that is the best part but now you can make better memory with someone that not going to cheat on you...I am so sorry but think about this they both are going to live miserable cause they are both cheaters... ha ha ha let them have each other they will deserve each other and one day they will know how you and her husband feels...Good Luck with you new life just go out and have a good time and hey do what Jenn did when Brad left her for his s**t of a woman.... burn his S/H/I/T Make it a party.....

Answer 18

I am sorry that you had to be treated like this.  But, you do have something to look forward to....their relationship crashing to the ground, and him crawling back to you. (don't take him back)  He has made a choice, now he will suffer the consequences.  You do not need a man who cheats on you with a married woman, who is willing to leave her husband for him.  She will never marry him....You need to consider your self lucky, walk with your head high and time will heal your heart.  Go have fun with the girls, someone will sweep you off your feet before you know it.  

Answer 19

if ur really sad,,..?then go 2 hes home and show him u anger in front to his family so his family will know what he did 2 u,,..that's the only way,,..then he will really understand what he did 2 u,,..after 7 years ur 2gether then he lives u ,,..wtf,,..if i was u i will live him,,..i know it will hurt sometime but we have  move on,,..

wish u big big big goodluck,,..

Answer 20

I am 2 years further down your road and it does get better... keep yourself busy busy busy and distract yourself from your thoughts. Counseling helped me too..!

Answer 21

I'm so sorry that happened to you : ( I'm afraid there is nothing you can do about the memories that come flashing back.You could try medication but that will just delay the sadness, you need to feel it so eventually you can move on and you will be a stronger person. Even when relationships end in horrible ways it's hard to forget the good times and for some reason they are the only times you can think of.Soon enough it will get easier.I wish you all the best and i feel your pain i truely do.

Answer 22

only time can solve this problem. its hard getting over someone especially after 7yr relationship

Answer 23

Think of how much he hurt you and use that anger to move on!! Tell yourself when you think about him that, that jerk is not worth your thoughts!!

Answer 24

Go on the rebound immediately. Find a stud and have some fun.