I really need your kind help~Could you help me to polish my composition?

Question

I'm an English learner~Thank you so much!

Topic:

It's often said that subjects taught in schools are too academic in orientation and that it would be more useful for children to learn about practical matters such as home management,work and interpersonal skills.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In this day and age,it is universally acknowledged that education is one of the crucial determinant of individual success.More and more people begin to doubt about what the education should offer to students on earth? The academic knowledge or the practically social knowledge, or the combination of this two?as the ultimate goal of modern education is to foser the societal well-being well,I hold the opinion that It's vital for children to command such practial matters as home management,communication skills when acquiring scientific and cultural knowledge.

Academic knowledge, as an indispensable qulification of a successful elite ,represent the accumulated wisdom of our ancestors down through the ages. As a matter of fact,modern teaching should not ouly impart knowledge to students,but also equip them with the method of exploring the unknown world , which can be exploited in the long run when they leave school.Additionally,confronted with the fierce competion in this updating community, youngersters do really need to know how to live and how to interacte with others.as one day they'll step into the society, and will be faced with the problem concering how to be incorporated into the society to make a living,rather than how to work out a math question.

In fact ,the theorical knowledge and their practical counterpart are more of a pair of ,rather than a pair of controdiction..the learning ability and the capacity to solve problems aquired from classroom will instruct students to be more competitive in the future practical activities,besides through learning.In return,the practical activities make stuendents to have a new appreciation about the theory.

Simply but,I'm firmly convinced that school shoud place equal focus on both theories and practical skiils.

Answer 1

This is pretty good!  I’ve made changes to correct spelling and tense, as well as to smooth out the construction.

In this day and age, it is universally acknowledged that education is one of the crucial determinants of individual success.  However, more and more people are asking what education should offer students:  academic knowledge or social knowledge, or a combination of the two.  Since the ultimate goal of modern education is to foster societal well-being, I hold the opinion that it is vital for children to acquire such practical knowledge as home management and communications skills, while also acquiring scientific and cultural knowledge.

Academic knowledge, as an indispensable qualification of a successful society, represents the accumulated wisdom of our ancestors through the ages.  As a matter of fact, modern teaching should not only impart knowledge to students, but also equip them with methods of exploring the unknown world, which can be exploited in the long run when they leave school. Additionally, confronted with fierce competition in the modern community, youngsters must learn how to interact successfully with others, as one day they will become society’s adults, and will be faced with how earn a living and raise a family, rather than how to work out a math question.

In fact, theoretical knowledge and its practical counterpart are complementary rather than contradictory.  The ability to learn and to solve problems (skills acquired in the classroom) assist people to compete more successfully in practical activities throughout life.  In turn, skill at practical activities causes students to have a new appreciation about the theoretical.  

Simply put, I am firmly convinced that school should place equal focus on both theoretical and practical skills.