I recently found out my wife cheated on me 4 years ago!?

Question

We`ve been married for 5 months but been together for 8 years. We also have 2 children together. I recently tricked her into confessing that she cheated on me 4 years ago with an old flame ( who`s also married) she says it did`nt mean anything, but what does my head in is that we already had our 1st child! and now she tells me she`s grown up! she did`nt sleep with him it was just a kiss! ?????

Answer 1

just a kiss isn't too bad.. she could have been feeling very insecure with herself.. I am not saying it's ok, just as a "reason".. I would be pissed as well... with having first child, makes sense.. we have 3.. we have talked about how she feels about herself after having kids.. it is a large blow to a woman's self esteem, the "damage" she acquires from having kids.. we have had some brutally honest conversations about postpartum and feelings.. It sounds like she has beaten herself up about it. . just sit down with her and calmly let her know how you feel.. then tell her you want to take some time to get over it.. it does no good to get huffy and mad.. she will not feel like she can trust telling you if you get mad.. I imagine she is scared to tell you.. it will change your relationship, but you guys can strengthen from this and be a stronger couple..

c**p happens, it depends on how you handle the c**p on how strong your marriage will be...  

Answer 2

I don't mean to say that kissing the guy wasn't a big deal, but don't be surprised if your wife has a hard time understanding why you're so upset with something that undoubtedly feels like ancient history to her.

Answer 3

Kissing is not cheating exactly. Let it go.

Answer 4

Most definitely go to counselling together. This one can be repaired and most definitely worth repairing. She atleast didn't sleep with him, it was a kiss which I'm not saying is ok, but you two will be able to get over it. Atleast she is not carrying that lie anymore, so some good came out of this.  

Answer 5

I Usually start naming my farts when that happens... i give them names like willis or Conrad

Answer 6

whatever she did 4 years ago is in the past and you wirthe forgive her or dump her - You cannot keep it with you because it will ruin your relaionship and become the topic of every fight you have. Pesonally, i would send her a check to h**l and "they only kissed"? yeah right - if that is all they did, she wouldn;t have to tell you at all as that is small time - her conscience tells me she did a lot more thahn that and that means she is a liar too

Answer 7

If life has been good recently then it is time to move on and forget about it.

Answer 8

just a kiss? i doubt it. It'll be hard to regain her trust now. But don't brush it off just because it happened 4 years ago. maybe try counseling.  

Answer 9

I thought this was another really sad question about infidelity and lust.  It turns out that this was an unfortunate kiss that happened between two people who had been close at one time.  

I think you should put a kiss into perspective with the rest of your marriage.  Sure it hurts you, but is it worth everything else you've built together?

Maybe you should seek counseling together.  No big deal!  Just get your feelings out in the open.  She's human and made a big mistake.  But a kiss is just a kiss!

Good Luck!

Answer 10

Just let it go!! You're the only one who's gonna get hurt if you don't.  

Answer 11

U know the past is the past

the more you dwell on the big and better problems it brings you

..You cant fix it but learn from it..

she has stayed with you all these year and more to come why ruin it...she loves you she's with you,

now why do you want that past to come back...

if you cant get over this then you should seek counsel