I recently found out that my mom had another child that she placed for adoption.?

Question

My sister is gorgeous for her age i would have never guessed that she is 40 will be 41 in december and she is a mother of 10 and more on the way. I would love to grow my hair as long as her hair is now. My sister's hair is beyond floor length now and same for her 10 daughters.

Answer 1

As confusing as it is for you to understand it was't your decision to keep this secret. And for your mom it was probably a very painfull thing to keep to herself. Whether our children always understand or not. We do have the best of intentions for our kids, even when it is painfull for us as a parent.

Instead of being bitter, embrace what's now,  and get to know your sister and all the new family.

Answer 2

vGive her a big hug - she needed it. For so long she been holding this secret in her - it must been very miserable for her everytime see sees other parents daughter or even you. Don't you think it is time to help her release her misery, try to understand her situation back then. give her the benefit of the doubt.

I believe now you are a parent too -and there are times, some things need to be done even if we don't want to.

She has seen the world war but not us, the life they have to toiled back then was really unimaginable i believe.

I salute all these elderly people who are able to bring us up and adapt to our 21st Century whims.

Give her a party you all will remember one day .

Wec can never turned back the clock - that's for sure!

Good Luck!~

Answer 3

It was none of your business!

Answer 4

I am sure that she had a reason (if not 100).  It may be painful for her to talk about it.  I understand why you would want to know, and why you feel you have the right to know.  However, keep in mind that she may not want to talk about it right now.  Take it slow, and maybe some day she will decide that it doesn't hurt so bad.

Answer 5

She either made a mistake in her life or couldn't raise a baby then...your sisters have no right to be angry at her.  Many people have done that.  Its her personal life, and nobody's business except her own.  Tell your sisters to grow up and stop giving mom a hard time...she did what she had to do.  At least she didn't abort the baby.

Answer 6

Because it was a very personal and private decision that she made a long time ago and she is now comfortable with sharing. Understandable to me.

Answer 7

Losing a child to adoption is extremely painful. It's painful now, in the 21st century.... and in the 1960's, I'll dare say it was worse.

It is traumatic to lose your child. The mother-child bond is strong... losing a baby is incredibly hurtful... now add into that the culture of the 60's, during which time the moms were told to "move on with their lives," "never speak about it again," "pretend it didn't happen," etc etc, and it should become obvious why so many women haven't spoken about their lost children for decades.

I think your mom should have told you, and her other children, about her lost daughter. She is your sister, and in my opinion you all had a right to know about her/know her. But I do understand your mom's reaction. The loss is HUGE, encompassing, and extremely painful. Many moms (especially from the pre-Roe v. Wade era) also developed post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) as a result of losing their children AND as a result of how they were treated by society. PTSD makes it incredibly difficult for people to talk about and share their experiences.

If you haven't already, do some reading on what your other women like your mom went through. There is an EXCELLENT book out right now called "The Girls Who Went Away" by Ann Fessler. (Any decent bookstore will have it; Amazon certainly has it.) And maybe some reading on PTSD, too.... try Googline PTSD and adoption or PTSD and birthmothers.

Good luck with your reunion with your sister. I hope your whole family is able to come together and celebrate finding each other.

((Hugs))

Answer 8

she didn't want u to know? ask her y she never told u...

Answer 9

Hi there,

I was put up for adoption as well, and the same thing happened when I found my birth mother.  She hadn't told her son or daughter about me.  It was something that you told nobody about back then.  I would suggest reading a book called, "Gone to an Aunt's".  It is the stories of several real girls that went through what your mother did in the 60's.  It will give you good insight into what it was like back then.  Your mother probably just wanted to forget what happened and move on with her life.  Things were different back then.  Some people never even told their spouses about children they had before they met.  

Talk to you mother and try to understand and put yourself in her shoes.  Read the book, it will help.  

I'm glad you have this new sister.  My experience was wonderful.  If you can, make her a part of the family as much as you can.  She probably wants to feel wanted by you all.

Answer 10

You have a mullet, don't you?

Answer 11

That happended to me as well when I was 18 my sister found my mom and my mom told me. She said she didn't tell me because she didn't know if my sister had been told that she was adopted and if she wasn't then it would have 'disrupted' things by finding her you know. Also, my mom has a lot of pain from it all even now when she talks to my sister she cries so much. Be happy you have found more family and just love them talk about your lives. Before you know it you'll feel like you have known them forever. Good luck!

Answer 12

Your mom probably didn't tell you because giving a child up for adoption isn't easy.  Back then, the records weren't so great & she probably figured she'd never see her again, so rather than fill you with ideas of meeting a long lost sister, it was probably easiest to say nothing at all.

Don't be so hard on your mom, what she did was most likely in the best interest of your sister - and she is NOT obligated to tell you everything she does, no matter how big it may seem.