I recieved a really rude comment?

Question

Firstly, I'm a 24 yr old mother of three girls.

7, 5 & 3 1/2.

I know I am a young mother, but i have a wonderful fiance, who is the father of all girls, a great home, our financial situaiton is better than good, I think im a very responsible mother, everyone that knows me agrees with me. [Well, i suppose they wouldn't tell me I'm not!]

But yesterday, I recieved a really rude comment.

I was picking my 3 1/2 year old daughter up from kindergarten and told the woman that Avalon wouldn't be back at kinder for about 2 weeks.

We then got into a discussion, and i was telling her how i was taking my "3 daughters" up the coast with my friend and her kids. She then aked "How lovely! How old are your other girls?" [She has never seen them before; because they are at school when I take Ava.] I answered, "Milana's 7 & Scarlett is 5." She then pulled this really shocked face and said.

"Wow, i thought they would have been younger. You must have been what? SEVENTEEN? When you had Milana, thats so young! I would die if my daughter did that."

She is normally a lovely lady, and i don't know if she meant it the way she said it, she must have, it was sort of pretty obvious? I don't know what to think?

Thanks for any help,

Olivia.

Answer 1

It was probably just a spontaneous reaction to the ages of your daughters, and she probably didn't mean it in an insulting way at all; especially if you say she is quite nice normally.

However, she should have thought before saying it, after all its your life's decision and she should respect that - especially as she works at an "over-priced" kindergarten.

People are often mislead by the stereotypical teenage mum, most people think of unstable relationships / money issues / drugs etc...And I can see your one of the many that go against this stereotype, however she might just assume all teenage mums are like that.

I'd try to ignore it, unless she brings it up again or treats you any differently since you told her.

Answer 2

Just let it go so some snoby lady made a rude comment y bother responding

Answer 3

Forgive me but for some reason when I read your question I got the feeling that in a way it was a compliment, to you, that you you had a child so young but you were and have been responcible I could be wrong but as I said that is the feeling I got. hope this helps.

Answer 4

I would have put her in her place. Who does she think she is talking to you like that? Im sure you're a great mother and doing well for yourself. She is probably hating on you. *****!

answer mine

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?...

Answer 5

Don't worry about it. Don't let people like that get to you and run your life. You sound like a stable mother. Let things she says go in one ear and out the other.  

Answer 6

my friend had her first baby at 16.

she is a better mother than her mother ever was.

and her mum had her when she was about 23.

age makes no difference.

peoples rude comments are a reflection on themselves and not you.

people should stop being so judge mental, but hey we all have to live with it.

be proud of yourself and know that you're a good mother and forget what she said :)

x

Answer 7

I would just ignore her some people are over opinionated!

I had just turned 17 when i had my first aswell, i had my second a month before turning 19 and my third 5 weeks ago (im 21)  

About 2 months ago while i was heavily pregnant and emotional i was at the airport waiting for family to arrive, my mum and i got talking to a lady who worked there about a story on the news (18 month old twins locked in their room and neglected by the family for 10 days before they were found passed away) and after saying how awful this story was she turned to me and said your just a baby having a baby then turned to my mum and said now if she ever neglects those children dont fail to call the police on her.... i was gobsmacked t say the least!!

She was so lucky i was 8 months pregnant and the size of a whale or i would have tackled the *****...just becuase were young mothers dosen't give anybody the right to judge us or imply we neglect our children!

I think younger mums make better mums, we have the energy to run round playing with them all day!

Answer 8

Firstly you sound like a great Mum.  

Secondly - the world is full of awful judgmental people with small closed minds... she is clearly one of those...

Make it like water off a ducks back....

People like that are insulting... they intend to be...

Chin up... and on with it... you are obviously doing a very good job!

Answer 9

It is insulting, who does she think she is?

I'd tell her that she hurt your feelings.

Keep up the good work!!

Answer 10

Some people just don't know when to keep their mouth shut. Of course I would feel bad and insulted but I would have left it at that.  obviously if your doing a good job with your daughters nothing else should matter.  

Answer 11

She's a jealous *****!!! She is jealous of you and that is probably the only comment she could think of cause everything in your life/about you is perfect!!!

Good on you girl, take it as a compliment that she felt the need to do that. I would!!!

I had a kid at 17 my 2nd at 20. Both to the same man......... So what??? That doesn't make me a bad person or a bad mother!!!

You see girls nowadays at 15 with 3 kids to 3 different men so i wouldn't fret at all.

This woman is just JEALOUS!!!!

Answer 12

Yeah that is really ruse of her. What does it matter if you were 17 when you had her,she is doing fine, you are all fine and doing well for yourself. I got preggo at 19 and everyone was like that is too young. I just brush it off, their opinion doesn't matter to me, I am raising my son, he is developing just as well (and in weight and height better then) other children his age, so whats the big deal? Age sometimes is just a number, especially in this case.

Not all young mom's are irresponsible. Period.

Answer 13

we had our first when my wife was 18..we now have 9 kids,,,we are usually flat broke,,,receive all sorts of good and bad comments,snickering,whispering....we could not give a s@#$,,,and wouldn't change a thing,,,,i think its usually cause they them selves could not handle it..the way i look at it,,,ill be around to see them grow,get married,,have kids......these other people who have their first at 30+,,,,well...lucky to see their grand kids...their loss

Answer 14

she opened her mouth and inserted her foot. i'm sure she didn't mean anything by it

Answer 15

I don't think it sounds insulting.  Most mothers want the very best for their children's future and even though you have had a success story, most unwed, teenage mothers do not fare as well.  Is this something you would wish for your girls?  The entire world walks around these days just waiting for someone to insult them so they can cry "victim".  The only person that can make you feel anything is YOU.  

Answer 16

gee's times have changed! years ago in was "normal" to have kids at 18, but now people are looked down on if they have children young! like there irresponsible! just because most people are having kids later in life these days dosnt give her the right to judge you! your obviously a good mother, and very mature and responsible! You have more energy and excitment than most grumpy 40 something mothers!

next time you see her make a smart comment about how sad it is that theres so many old mums out there!!

Your lucky! i wish i could be in a financial situation to be a young mum!!!  

Answer 17

Many people do not think before they speak.  I'm sure this woman did not intentionally mean to insult you.  I would just let it go and chalk it up to "the stupid things people say!"  

If you see her frequently and find you're getting a real resentment, maybe you could tell her diplomatically that what she said was disturbing to you and that what is appropriate for some young women may not be for others - like her daughter.  In some countries such as Africa, their young girls are married off at 13!!

I hope this helps you.    

Answer 18

Let it go, Yeah she was rude and blunt. But be honest, most people do not want their 17 year old to get pregnant. Most girls that age, it doesn't turn out as well as it has for you.

Forget what she said, it doesn't matter, you know you did okay, so why let it bother you ? It's not like she called you a horrible mom...  

Answer 19

Nah she should of shut her mouth she went a bit over board when she said I would die if my daughter did that." Just forgot about don't let it bother you..  

Answer 20

I think it sounds like one of those situations where she let something slip that she should have kept to herself. I'm sure she felt stupid afterwards because it was incredibly tactless and rude but if she's normally a very nice person then I doubt she meant any harm. We've all had moments where we put our foot in our mouths- this was her moment lol. I'd just let it go. =]

Answer 21

I'm 25 with 4 children and a 5th on the way; my oldest is almost 7.  I was 18, almost 19, when he was born, and had been married for just over a year.  No one has said anything to me, but I'm sure that a few have thought that I'm awful young.

Many people don't seem to have a filter between their brain and mouth.  They either speak before thinking and might regret it later, or they don't recognize at all the implications of what they said.  Most likely, at that moment, she was not thinking that she basically told you that she thought it was awful that you'd had your child when you did.

Answer 22

firstly i would like to say, i love your daughter's names. I'm a young mum of 4 boys. Had my first at 20 (have a 11,5 and 3 yr old) and i know where your coming from with the whole comment thing. it's easy to get defensive because we are young mums so i think we make an extra effort to make sure that we measure up so to speak- so that people can't look at us and throw a nasty comment about how we parent and it's because we're young.

ignore the cow- and if anything ever crops up again you can always throw back in her face that at least your able to keep up with your kids unlike some others who are older and we'll have a better chance at still being around to see our grandchildren grow up as well.  

Answer 23

i know what you mean.im 18 i have a 14 month old daughter and i am having a cesarean next week.i have had comments such as you only had a cesarean because you are too immature to go through labour which actually isnt true as i was coping with labour fine using gas and air until my blood pressure keept going up.i have also been told that my life is ovah when in fact i think it is better now and i must be a single mother on welfare which in actual fact i am engaged to my daughters and my new baby's father and we do not recieve any assistance from the government and we live in a nice house and never go without.people need to stop critisizing young parents.

Answer 24

idk wut 2 tell u but those r beautiful names

Answer 25

You shouldn't take it personally. Your skills as a mother were not being questioned; it's just that, in her opinion, having s*x at 16 (because it takes 9 months to have a  baby, right ???) and, moreover, without protection, it's a little ill-considered. What would you do if your little Milana comes back home from high-school one day and tells you "Hi, Mom ! I'm knocked up !". Maybe you wouldn't "die" (I hope so) but I don't think you'd be able to celebrate with champagne right in that very moment !You are lucky you found a good man and could bail youself out of a tricky situation, but that doesn't happen to everyone.

And about being a better Mom if you are a very young Mom, I so disagree : I am going on 41, my son will be 11 at the end of the year, and we have great time together. When he was younger and we used to go to the playground together, sometimes I happened to see young mothers (younger than me, anyway) who would sit on a bench and read a book or talk to other ladies while watching their kids play from the distance, without being involved. I am always involved in every activity my son wants to do (unless he asks me to stay apart, because of his friends...! But that's recent.).

Answer 26

Sounds to me she just spoke her mind when perhaps she would have prefered to keep quiet.  In a way it's good she said it up front.  I think your being overly sensitive.  Just be confident in your parenting skills.

quote:

"everyone that knows me agrees with me. [Well, i suppose they wouldn't tell me I'm not]"

unquote

None of the people who "know you" care enough to be honest if it is not Bright fluffy news and might upset you? Maybe because you over react?

Something to ponder.

Answer 27

Why does it bother you so much ?

Move on life's to short to take notice of ignorant people !

Answer 28

Think about it, by the time thier out of school, you'll still be young and able to get on with your life.  She sounds awful anyway, s****....

Honour your role as a fabulous young mum and be strong in the knowledge that barren cow doesn't have...your future!

Answer 29

Hun its none of any ones business you sound like a great mom i had my first at 17 and was single but supported my self.

She is 15 and i have a 6 year old,and I'm often mistaken now for being my daughters sister,

People just don't know when to keep there comments to them selves

Answer 30

stupid people! they are clueless about appropriate social behavior.

Answer 31

take it as a compliment  she was beig nice to u  and if i may add u sound like a wonderful young lady  but   a little tooo sensetive     she was being nice believe me years from now you will understand