I saw a lady with a bottom shaped like a love heart yesterday...?

Question

and she was wearing red jeans and i was so tempted to go up and draw an arrow on her butt....

have you ever had an inappropriate yet hilarious temptation?

Answer 1

Oh my gosh, imabohemian2... that's the funniest thing I've heard all day!!!

Okay, well, you asked in the horse section, so a horse answer is what you're going to get. I actually acted on my tempation and broke though, haha.

So, I was at the barn during the middle of the winter and it was freezing outside. I'm standing there, grooming my horse, Optimus, (and I had just finished bathing him, he was all dry and he smelled nice and everything, I must say myself, one of the best jobs I've ever done).

Anyway, this little girl comes into the barn, and holding her hand is her pudgy father wearing an Armani suit. My uncle (who owns the barn) is walking with them. My uncle says to the girl: "Okay Kyla, this is Woody. He's going to be your pony for your lesson today."

Woody is such a cute pony. But Kyla won't have any of it.

"No, I don't think I want that horse. Daddy, I don't want him!"

Her father, looks at my uncle and says "Are there any other horses she can ride?"

My uncle nods, and walks them over to Sophie, a nice calm pony who's gorgeous.

"Kyla, this is Sophie. Do you want to ride her?"

"No, I don't think so."

"Kyla dear, listen to Matt. He wants you to ride Woody or Sophie. Choose."

"NO! I want to ride..."

She runs through the barn until she gets to me and Optimus, standing there innocently. She points to Optimus.

"I want to ride HIM."

My uncle comes after her and her father runs (or kind of jogs I guess...) after her as well.

"Matt, I want to ride him."

"No, Kyla, this is Lauren. That is her horse."

"I DON'T CARE. I WANT TO RIDE HIM. HE'S PRETTY."

This is when her father comes up.

"What? You want to ride this horse? Why can't she?"

"Because, that horse doesn't belong to me. It belongs to Lauren, who's right there."

"It's living on your property, I don't see why she can't ride him."

"No, he doesn't legally belong to me. Riding him is not an option, unless Lauren agrees."

Here, my uncle looks at me.

"No. I'm sorry, but Optimus isn't being ridden today."

"NONONONONONONO!!! IM RIDING HIM DADDY. LOOK AT ME!"

Kyla proceeds to cling onto Optimus' leg. Optimus gets freaked out, and tries to step back, and I shove this little girl off my horse. I was tempted to just ask them politley to leave, but instead, I go off.

"Look, mister, this is my horse, he isn't being ridden by your brat. Look at you in your Armani suit. Oh, by the way, you're going to have to throw that out because you'll never get the smell of horse poo out of it."

I grabbed a nugget of p**p that was lying on the floor and smeared it across his suit. (I know, I know... it's horrible.)

The man is now completely furious. He grabs Kyle (who screams the whole way out) and leaves. He looked like a tomato.

My uncle turns to me and says "Lauren, I have to tell you that..." and I interrupt him and say "I know, I can't speak to clients like that and you're very dissapointed in me. You're welcome."

edit:

lol... thanks westerngamergirl. He could have said anything he waned about me... but when that girl just threw herself on my horse's leg, it was like... man... you need to have some p**p smeared across your chest, you jerk. haha.

Answer 2

haha yes well my friend and me used to work at this horse centre and she decided to play this trick on a tourist (knew nothing about horses) anyway he was put on this lazy 15.3hand horse and she took the stirrups off and made him try and mount without stirrups.

HAHA and another at the same place

This like 13 year old came riding with like pink jodpurs, pink jacket ect (gotta love em lol). Anyhoo she was like i know how to do up a girth and of course didnt know the first thing so she tried to mount and the saddle slid straight down and she landed in horse dung haha! one of the funniest things i've ever seen!

Anyways love a good laugh!

thanxs for your story i've had the world's most crumiest day with the world's most stuck up snob that my mum insisted we would get along famously haha.

Answer 3

i have no idea what this has got to do with horses but... yes i have had temptations like that. i think everyone gets them.

Answer 4

I had a bad, bad temptation once to get out of our car and laugh my head off at someone.

We'd stopped at a park (I can't even remember why - maybe for directions?), and my mom had parked us outside an area where people apparently can pay to go on trail rides. Waiting for their group to start, on the other side of the fence from where our car was parked, were two teenage girls. I have nothing against "teenage girls" - heck, I was one at the time...but these were just...not the type you'd typically see on a horse.

Well, long story short, the one girl's horse stomped its back leg to get rid of a fly. It's a normal thing. I'm sure anyone here who's been riding more than a month has experienced it. This girl /freaked out/! She gasped and yelped as if the horse had tried to buck her off, and her friend got all worked up, too.

"Ohmygawd, are you okay?!"

"Ohmygawd, It just kicked!"

"Ohmygawd!"

"That was so scary!"

Oh, the temptation to go laugh and point...I merely sat in the car and avoided breaking out into tears with laughter.

Answer 5

Redial, thanks for coming to the horse section!  You put some much needed flavor to the catagory!

I was with a friend of mine who had recently broken up with her long-term boyfriend.  She had been on a diet for a couple of weeks (self-asteem issue) bought a new outfit, and was ready to go out.  We both like to play pool, and so we went out for supper and then a couple of games.  We ordered our food, and there was this good looking guy at the bar.  I pointed him out to her and she started thinking about it.  He gets his food order (cheeseburger and fries) and he is just sitting there all handsome eating really slowly enjoying his food and (sorry, I couldn't resist, I was the little devil on her shoulder) I told her I dare you to go up to him and ask for a bite of his cheeseburger.  She thinks about it, looks at him, she's hungry because of her diet, and actutally does it!  I couldn't believe it!  He lets her take a bite, they b/s for awhile, and then our food comes.  I end up getting mine to go, and last I heard, they are still together.  Can you imagine if a complete stranger came up to you and asked for a bite of your food?  Apparently, it worked!  

Sorry it wasn't horse related....

Answer 6

that's hilarious! once i went swimming at the Y and this super obese guy (no offense to anyone) thought he was so cool and started doing cannonballs in the 3 foot area. and then the lifegaurd comes up to him and says "dude, can't you read the sign?" and acted like he was too cool for him. so the fat guy started doing it again, and the lifeguard just stared. OH MY GOSH DID I WANT TO CHEW HIM OUT!!! both of them!

and this is pretty bad... i can't help but snicker behind my bff's back. she got into horses after she met me, and is learning everything, ya know? well, every time she sees a chestnut on a horse, she's like "oh my gosh! that horse has an open sore on it's leg!" and i'm like "no, that's just a chestnut, every horse has them on all their legs." and i pointed them out. no matter how many times i tell her this, she still says that once in a blue moon. i love her anyways! lol.

this is kinda bad too...

i took my friend riding once, and my trainer let her use one of her horses. we went on the trail, and she couldn't control Lucy very well (the easiest horse to ride EVER! push button horse for beginners). she was a good enough rider to lope, but not a horse person AT ALL. so, we were trotting, and Lucy loped. then we started loping, and my friend was just having difficulty keeping Lucy in control. so we decided to head back. a boarder was there, really nice, and asked how our ride went. my friend said "Lucy is being really stupid (or whatever word.. retarded.. i don't remember)! whenever we would trot, she loped, and whenever we asked them to lope, she would CANTER! ugh!" the boarder was like "oh, well, ya know, you just have to stay in control and let them know you're the boss." she said something like that, i don't remember exact words. when my friend said that i'm just thinking "oh.. my.. gosh. shut UP! you're making a fool of yourself, just be quiet!" i was snickering in my mind.

another one... this lady was in line at the gate to go in at the show i was at, and she was overweight, but not really obese. she was sitting on her horse, and a friend of hers, like a friend's niece or whatever got on her horse behind her and were sitting double on that lady's horse. i felt so bad for him, oh my gosh i just wanted to grab both of them and yell at them saying that that horse has to suffer enough with that woman sitting on him. no offense to anyone, i'm just saying.

non horse temtation-

whenever someone's pants are hangin low and their boxers are showing all over kingdom come, i just randomly shout "Dude/ *insert the guy's name*! PULL UP YOUR PANTS, your butt is staring us in the face, we don't wanna see it!" if it's a guy i don't know, i just wanna go over there, pull down their pants and tell them that they might as well not wear pants at all if they're gonna have them hangin down that low.

Answer 7

I had a tough one yesterday. We where riding at the state park and saw a real "buckaroo". Riding his horse 90 per, in his old enduence saddle that you could tell he bought new. With is straw sombraro. And I mean a Mexican straw sombrero with a 12'' brim. Looked like a bad sunday bonnet. When we got back to the trailers they just threw thier tack on the ground and left it there and where walking around like he was a real cowpoke. What I wanted to do was not very nice.

There where a few other things that I could say about this guy but really, he wasn't worth it.

Answer 8

Yes I have one, sort of, and it's even horse related. :P

We were pulling into a horse show yesterday, and when we drove past the entry booth, there was a "bigger" lady with a big butt. My friends dad (who was pulling the trailer) said "That lady has a really big honkin butt" when he saw her - lol - and when I went to sign up I had to try reallllly hard not to laugh. I'm sure they thought I was crazy.

And she might have heard him - windows were down - and once she announced me as "somebody". lol

Answer 9

LOL that is so funny, yet random, especially in the "horses" column. And Idk if i have can't think of any rite now :(

Answer 10

Yes, I have.  Fortunately I've been able to resist temptation.

Answer 11

hahah omg thats the funniest thing i heard all day

yes i will also post if i can remember such a moment in my life

EDIT *** okay well  i was shopping somewhere and there was this big o'll man walking by with a "too small shirt on" his belly was hanging out and for some odd reason i wanted to poke him in the belly  0.o

***

hahah noni! nice very nice haha

Answer 12

Yes and I've acted on it too.

I was dating this guy who I met through my local horseman's association. We went out a few times...He was nice enough. Not a real cowboy, more like a wanna be. A casual rider with a trail horse is all...anyway we went out a few times and then he said he thought we should see other people. OK...fine, no biggie. But it did kinda annoy me.

A few days later, he calls me up and wants to know if I'll lend him one of my horses. Seems he met someone and he wanted to take her riding and he only had the one horse.

She had no horse and no riding experience. He had more nerve than I cared for.

I said no.

So, next association trail ride, he shows up with his trailer, this new "friend" and 2 horses. Out she steps from the truck and It was all I could do to not bust up laughing. She was wearing a SAFARI Suit! belt and all.  lol  and these funny little suede boots with the safari hat...all matching in that camel color.

I nearly wet myself laughing!

Off we go as a group, about 10 of us and Sally Safari who never proceeded past a walk and wouldn't shut up the whole time. Forget about seeing any wildlife, plus she found it necessary to marinate herself in au de s***k #5 just for the occasion. She attracted every flying insect in the county.

After a few hours of hearing all about HER, and her FABULOUS job and her PRINCETON education etc, I had about enough.

Lucky me...when she discovered that the woods generally doesn't provide restrooms, she found it necessary to squat well away from the rest of us (good sweetheart ...take the flies with ya too) Wouldn't ya know, she asked me to hold her horse...?

And I did...just until she was out of sight....

Opps! oh no!

He got away from me..sorry I just don't know what happened!

I know that was evil....but I just couldn't help myself...hehehe

Welcome to the jungle .. .Enjoy the safari

Answer 13

Yeah, i saw Noni the other day too and i went up to her and asked her if she knew Big Ted's phone number! it was so funny!she said no though...

*for all those people who dont know what im talking about, Big Ted is a teddy bear on Playschool... there's also Little ted and Jemimah!*