I scared of turning into my mother. Help?

Question

When I was a kid my mom always picked on me. She used to hate me because I was different than her and we did'nt have alot in common. When I was around 12 or 13 she used to talk to me about when she dies. And that I HAVE to keep her over 400 cat figurines.(and yes I counted them) She also tries to dump other things into my life such as: I HAVE to name my children after my Great Aunt Irene, I HAVE to keep her wolf collection, I HAVE to keep her various pieces of junk she has on shelves. And when she tells me this she says, "Just box them up". Which I am not doing, unlike her I want a clutter-free house. What I don't get is she'd rather have everything she held dear in boxes than belong to someone who will enjoy it. My plan is when she does die is to go threw the house and pick up everything I can use like appliances and furniture. Then see if any of my close friends or family want anything in there. After that the rest will be donated to a charity. And when I die I don't care what you do with my stuff. I'll be dead so it won't matter to me anymore. The reason why I posted this question is I fear I'm starting to turn into what is typed above. I'm becoming more strict and feel more heartless and I'm scared to get married because of the person I might be towards my husband. I don't wanna be that wife that one guy at the bar complains about.

Answer 1

It sounds like your mom sees you as an extension of herself.. like an arm or leg that she has the right to control to do her bidding. This is NOT healthy. If you are looking to stop this way of thinking from influencing future relationships, get help. There is no shame in using therapy as a tool to better yourself. It also can't hurt to just say, "OK, mom," to her bizarre, "when I die" requests. When she is gone, you can chose what you want to remember her by, and give the rest to charity. It also seems weird to me that she has been talking to you about her impending death for all these years. Does she need assurance that she'll be missed? That she's loved? That's not something you make your children responsible for. I'm sure she loves you, but I'm not so sure she loves herself very much.  

Answer 2

well you shouldnt feel that way about her. she is your mother and those things are things that she held near and dear to her and you can't just give them away. i think the best thing to do would be to keep them boxed up out of the way in a place such as the attic or basement that way you can still have a clutter free house and also respect what you mother asked you to do with her things. if you keep trying to resist being like your mother than your gonna end up just like her. your hating her because she isn't like you and that's the same way she did you which made her exactly the way she is. follow my advice and you will be far better off. good luck:D

Answer 3

alright me and my mom dont have a good relationship either and she does act rly different toward me becouse im not mommys baby like my brother  so when she tlks bout gettin old and me keepin her **** and her i tell her she would be happier with the life style my brother could provide and all the c**p shes gonna tell me to keep tell her thats not ur style and laugh it off but when it comes to it dont take wat u dont want