I screamed at my toddler, she is 2+ is it ok? :(?

Question

My toddler is very aggressive (also our fault, she has seen a lot of fights between her parents and my husband has also been physically violent wid me and so have I), she hits us with her hands and if she cannot reach the face, she hits again at the face. Today, she had been hitting me hard, even when i was playin wid her, i avoided. I even lightly slapped n scolded. Then I we played.

I was writing a mail to the client and reading it aloud to make sure i had it right and out of the blue, she picked up the phone reciever and hit it hard on my head. I just lost it then :( I screamed and scolded (i didnt raise my hand) I just scolded her hard and told her to just sit on the bed. Now i feel soooo guilt and upset :( Pls tell if this wud impact her negatively or not... I just didnt know what to do, I just lost it when she hit me so hard with the phone, I think she crossed her limits and needed some strong scolding.

Lastly, I want to add that usually we try to avoid scolding, we only try to explain her lovingly that it is wrong and sometimes we are firm but I have never screamed so loudly at her. :( Pls tell me.

Answer 1

My partner and I went through a huge bad patch last year and we used to scream and shout at each other and sometimes my daughter would see this and she used to be very aggressive also. They just mirror what they see I guess. Then after a break my partner and I got back together and she used to get angry if we were affectionate, if my partner came up and kissed me on the cheek she would flip out and scream NOOOOO! And she would never cuddle much or anything like that, it really broke my heart and I thought I had done some serious damage letting her see us scream. But, after a while of telling her no and trying to show her that it's a good thing to be affectionate she totally went the other way and she is always cuddling and really considerate of others, if we bang an elbow on something and it hurts she will run up and kiss it better and cuddle etc. So I'd say no real damage has been done, just keep trying to explain to her, she will be fine :)

Also I have lost my temper a couple of times before when she was really aggressive and shouted a little too loud at her when I was really angry. I felt like the worst mother in the world. But I just tried to tell myself that its done now and all I can do is never do it again. I have to stop and breath when I'm angry then grab my patience and scold appropriately with time-outs etc instead of shouting. Don't worry, you shouldn't feel bad :)

Answer 2

Unfortunately she is mimicking behaviour she has seen in the house. It seems like a lot of aggro. You need to work on the relationships in the household.

She is only watching what you guys do, and she lashes out because it seems normal. If she was brought up in a happy loving household, I would say her behaviour would be different.

Answer 3

it's ok!

Answer 4

I have screamed at my three year once or twice but then afterwards sat down and told them in a loving voice that mommy got upset because they did not listen.  I let them know that I did like to be mad at them and told them that I love them and gave them a hug.  I learned that the best thing to do is to sit them in time out until I am ready to talk to them about the situation.  A really good show to watch is super nanny.  It teaches different discipline ideas.

Answer 5

Firstly you should always try to avoid having arguments in front of children because it can hurt them mentally. They grow up thinking it's ok to hurt and shout at people. I think you should perhaps see a councilor not only for the child's benefit but also for your own it's NOT good to have abuse at home. Lastly it's ok everyone snaps just try to be more constructive when telling your child that it's not ok to hurt and hit mummy.

Hope that helps a little :)

Answer 6

it's normal. we all do these things to blow off steam. it's not the best thing to do, obviously but it happens. you're human. you could apologize to her and say simply, "i'm sorry i yelled at you before. i was mad because you hit me."

regarding the hitting...just be consistent. always say no and frown when she hits. gently take her hand and caress the place where she hit you, and say "gentle, gentle"

also, if she hits you while you are playing, try this. immediately stop playing, stand up, and turn your back on her. fold your arms and don't look at her or talk to her for a few seconds. she will learn that it's not a good way to get attention.

lastly, never laugh or play games that involve hitting as this is confusing to the child.

Answer 7

well you cant expect her to think hitting is bad if she sees you guys being violent with each other.but im pretty sure she will be fine she needs to know its not ok to hit you  

Answer 8

Well i guess its normal but if she violent then shes getting it by what you and your husband does! My sister has a toddler and shes 3 and cute but very violent and spoiled!! But she hits people alot and i know its because she watched my sister fight and argue!