I seem to fight with my mom everyday, how can I help it stop?

Question

We seem to fight everyday.

Get in a yelling match or something

But it seems sometimes, like I cant keep my mouth shut, and not talk back

but sometimes I feel like my mom isnt being fair to me at all.

and she says im tearing apart her marriage cause she gets in a fight with me, then in a fight with my stepdad.

Ive been trying to hold back my anger when my mom accuses me of something, but I get very offensive.

now dont get me wrong, im a really nice girl, and not some stuckup teenager that cant get her way.

Can you give some suggestions to help me hold back my anger, and not talk back?

It would be MUCH appreciated

Could you also put your age, so I know what the level that other people are seeing this as?

Answer 1

I am 37 I have a 17 year old son that does the same thing.  He is basically a good kid but he gets defensive with I say something to him.  It has gotten better in the last year.  

I think you are going through a stage you will figure it out.  

Answer 2

I am 37 now but I did exactly the same thing when I was your age.  I can still think of things that were said and feel defensive all over again.  Now that I look back though, I don' t think my mom ever really intended to criticize me or start an argument.  When you are a teenager, hormones play havoc with your system.  I would get so angry over the littlest thing, well it wasn't little to me then, but now I realize how trivial it all was.  Also, you may find this offensive sorry, but teenagers are not as capable of making good, healthy judgments as even a ten year old.  (This information is courtesy of -The Brain Book- a college textbook that I had when I was studying to become a teacher)  I hope that you don't find that offensive, its just a fact of life.  Your brain is also going through tremendous changes at that point of your life.  Anyway, when I would get really angry like that, I would yell but then I would go run, or swim, or something.  It really helped and I was able to go back and talk to my mom. Just try to think of something that you enjoy that will help you when you are very stressed. Eventually you will start to just go run or whatever it is you decide to do, and the yelling will stop.  It worked for me. Hope this helps!

Answer 3

learn to ignore her...no matter how wrong she is ignore her. it will be like she's arguing with herself, she'll get tired of it and stop

Answer 4

My mom and I used to fight everyday...or if we weren't fighting it's because we weren't speaking because of our last fight.

It got so bad, I moved out when I was 17 despite her telling me I would be cut off completely and out of her life if I chose to leave.

She did not shut me out of her life, and contintued to help me pay for college.  I tried to live on my own for about a year, but wound up in an abusive relationship and broke.

She saved me, allowed me to move back home, and the fighting stopped.  She began to respect that I could make my own decisions.

I realized that she's probably right most of the time, and maybe I just don't like how she's saying something.

The point of this is that I have realized in the years since then (I'm 22 now) that we're just different people but that we don't need to fight. We have both learned to express our frustrations, disagreements, etc. right away instead of trying to "let it go" or "bite our tongues" to only attack the other the next day (or maybe even 5 minutes later...)

Just try to be honest with your mom...that's what worked for me.  Allow yourselves to sit down and discuss the issues in the relationship, and both try to figure out what you can each do to stop the fighting.  And importantly, try to avoid allowing yourself to feel defensive...this leads to fights.  Try to realize how similar of a situation your mom has found herself in.



good luck :)