I seriously need advice on how to handle this situation.. please..?

Question

I already posted it but feel the need to post it again.

As I was tucking my 4 y/o into bed she told me that her friend Breana was kissing her on the lips, open mouth! She also told me that she sat down criss-cross-apple-sauce & that Bre touched her private over her undies. My daughter got up and ran away. Later Bre tried to touch her again and instead touched herself. Bre is only 5 yrs old. My daughter 4.

I have no clue HOW to react!

Some ppl are saying "kids do this sorta stuff, curiosity, talk to your daughter about it but don't stress."

Others are saying to call protective services.

I'm torn. I have no idea what to do. My gut is all mixed up so I can't even go on that. I typically over-react & go over board (so I've been told) but this is my precious angel. I NEVER played games like that. I kissed my hand or even my dolls.. never my best friend!! And I only got curious about kissing when I was older about 10 yrs old.. NOT four and five yrs old.

Answer 1

talk to bre's mother, dont let your daughter near her again!

aa thats scary!

Answer 2

Was this in a school or other licensed facility.  If it is you need to let them know and they need to contact their licensing board and an investigation needs to be conducted.  The investigators are usually very good and are trained not to make any child feel badly or guilty.  It is a learned behavior for a 5 year old not a natural thing to kiss open mouthed or to touch privates, Bre is probably a hurting little character and needs someone to help her.  You just need to let your daughter know that what Bre didn't isn't okay and that it wasn't her fault and that you are very proud of her for telling you.

Answer 3

Although I do agree some curiousity is normal this goes a little past that.  Especially if your daughter is uncomfortable.  You need to do something about it if she is showing concern.  I would first sit the mother down and tell her that Bre was not allowed over until she deals with the problem.  If she won't listen tell her she is not allowed over anymore.  If Bre shows up at your house and the mother isn't home..I would call child protective services.  I would have a problem with this and if it makes you feel any better...my husband would to.  My son had a sitution happen at school where a girl would not leave my son alone.  She was constantly trying to take my son's shirt off.  When he told the teacher she ignored him.  My husband was REALLY angry that they didn't do anything.  You are not over reacting.  Your child is innocent and does not need to be sexualized at such a young age..whether this child is 5 or older or whatever doesn't matter it is wrong.   I honestly would be worried for Bre as well.  It doesn't exactly sound like her home life is normal.  I would definitely not allow them to play alone in the future though...sorry you are having to go through this!

edit...it may sound harsh but you don't have a responsibility to parent Bre.  Your responsibility is to your daughter and her safety.  I agree with the others..keep her away from your daughter until you can work this out either with the mother or CPS.  If you feel you need to protect Bre...call CPS..she is not only being neglected but something else is going on for her to be showing this type of behavior.

Answer 4

I would first not allow the girl over anymore.

Then I would sit my child down and tell her how she did the right thing by running away and telling you.

Then go on and check with your child to make sure she understands good touch and bad touch, which from her actions, I believe she does.

Then the real fun part, You need to talk to the child's parent. You at least need to get a feeling from the parent if they care about this or not. See how they react.

Then I would base my decision of wether to call protective services or not on how the parent reacted.

Who knows maybe the child is being touched inappropriately, and you talking to her mother will shine light on that.

There are a lot of ifs here. Act according to them.

Answer 5

its sad, but it may be nothing more than her parents letting her watch network, prime time t.v.

if she's ever watched say "desperate housewives" w/ her mom- then she knows what s*x is. some parents dont (somehow) realize what influence the world is having, all the more reason to keep them out of the "world". mabey calling dhs will give the mom a reality check- good luck, thats sad

Answer 6

keep bre away from her.

Answer 7

With this info:

Bre's dad just got locked up.

BRe's mom is always running aorund.

I've NEVER even met her.. but she's fine with her 5 y/o coming to my house.. she even tells Bre to go to my house while she goes to the store and comes back 3,4,5 hours later..

I think you have all the info you need to know!

You're the Mom, you're (apparently the only) adult, you have to make the decisions about who you're child is playing with, or being assaulted by.

Answer 8

Call CPS, someone is doing that to Bre and now she is doing that to your daughter.

Answer 9

ok.

this little girl Bre is probaby very very troubled.

(please dont be turned off of reading the whole thing. i am not justifying what this little girl did, i am just figureing out the possible reason behind it.)

1.)there is like a 9 out of 10 chance that this girl does not get ANY love at home. or . she gets TOO much love ( if you know what i mean). the way her family is described i wouldn't doubt that she has had the things that she has done to your daughter done to her.

kids dont just do this kinda stuff spontaniously...they are not born with instincts like dogs. they learn everything they know from others.

2. )you say her mom runs around alot? maybe her mom is irresponsible as to what she lets her 5 year old see her do with these men.

3.) I think it would be a good idea to call the school and make sure they keep an eye on her.

4.) let your daughter know that this is NOT normal or RIGHT behavior.

5.)The reason she is probably doing this is maybe because she feels comfortable with your little girl, and she is the only one who she can do these things with.

6.) yes, she probably knows that this is wrong...thats why she told your daughter that, maybe if she was abused, she was told that too.

7.) Go to a pediatrician. Believe it or not, they actually care about this type of stuff. even tho they are just doctors, and maybe they can even recomend a therapist.

if your not sure about the whole abuse thing or whatever, dont call chil services. its a whole long process that involves court and stuff.

just relax hunn. (i know, seems impossible)

but its not that big a deal.

this will not scar your child for life or anything.

God bless.

Answer 10

Children who are as you describe Breana have often been sexually abused.  This happened to my son when he was very little - a little girl actually talked him into taking his pants off and showed him how to have s*x.  He was only 5 so obviously there was no s*x since he was physically incapable of performing but still it is a lesson I would rather he never had.

I chose to approach the girl's mother.  I told her what happened and since I walked in on them in the act - there was no mistaking what was going on.  She chose not to listen to me and I then kept the children seperated.  

I did not call social services.  Yes, some children have been abused, but others have simply been allowed to watch way too much (inappropraite) tv or have witnessed a sister, parent, etc in the act.  Unless you are fairly certain that child has been abused - please don't make the family's life h**l by calling in social services.  If you suspect that abuse may be the case, by all means call.

BUT do what you need to do to protect your child.  Keep her away from the other child.  Take care, hon.

Answer 11

I agree with you. I do NOT think it is okay and that "kids do that" no one I know has EVER done that. It makes me wonder if the child who touched your daughter was sexually abused by someone.

Honestly I would try talking to the parents, if they won't listen I would call CPS and ask them how to handle this situation and tell them you are very concerned about the other childs unusual behavior. Your daughter does NOT need to go through this and she should never have to even worry about this kind of thing. It sounds like it really upset her, and she needs to be protected from this kind of thing.

This happened to my sisters daughter when she was 4yrs old, but it was with her next door neighbors 5.5 yrs old boy. My sister immediately spoke with the parents and both agreed the children were no longer allowed to play together. It scared my sister half to death.

It is NOT normal behavior and should not be treated as such.

Answer 12

You shouldn't be asking for help on Yahoo Answers.

This is not a place where you should discuss these kinds of matters. Why dont you tell the police, instead of asking strangers. ?

Answer 13

Bre may be getting raped at home not good!

Answer 14

talk to the  mother of this 5 year old and i was curisos and age 9 and i kissed my best friend on the lips not open mouth tho

Answer 15

I guess the kissing would be O.K IF it were on the cheek or something. The criss-cross-apple-sauce touching is definitely something you should not leave alone.

Answer 16

Warn the principle about this situation then the principle will inform their parents and deal with it and the principle will separate bre from your daughter

Answer 17

Oh dear,,,,,,,  what a spot to be in.    It's a tough one, that's for sure.  

First of all, keep calm if you can.    Children are very perceptive and will pick up on any apprehension we feel.   So, stay cool for your daughter's sake.    

Secondly, children live what they learn and obviously this child has been exposed to something that isn't quite right.    I know it's normal for children to be curious about their own bodies, but most of the time, it's their own body, not someone else's.      Accidentally touching someone's privates is one thing, but touching someone under their panties is another.

Lastly, I'd definitely call Child Services.     I am not one to over react about things like this, but I'd call them for sure.     (The reason I try not to over react is because of an incident in my family that ended up splitting a lot of people up  and it was admitted that it was untrue after the fact).    They can decide whether to become involved and maybe pay a visit to the home of this child to ensure that things are okay.  

Like you, I don't remember being aware of my body at this age in this manner, I'm sure I was, but kissing..... that was about 10 or 11 years old and certainly wasn't open mouthed.   When you are a child, that sounds gross!

Good luck to you in this matter.    It is a very delicate matter and you need to handle it with kid gloves - no pun intended.

Answer 18

Where is this stuff taking place?  Where are you when this takes place?  If at school bring it to the teachers attention.  If away from school it is not a question You have to confront the parents and let them know the situation.. Horrible as it sounds this little girl must be getting molested somewhere. Because I don't see any other way a 5Yr old would be engaging in such activity on her own, she learned it from some where so yeah... the other parents MUST get involved, otherwise you should take it to the authorities, and let them investivagate it...

Answer 19

It looks like Bre is suffering from sexual abuse at home or i being exposed to it. I would report it so Bre can get out of this situation

Answer 20

Definately call Child Protective Services. Thats not normal for four or five year olds. This happened to an old friend of mine and the kid turned out to be a sexual predator in the making! (that kid was about 7 though.) You definately dont want this kind of behavior to influence your daughter! If the girls mother isn't a good parent and not there to see her kids actions it could mean the girls going to get worse, keep your daughter away.

Answer 21

if you tried to talk to the parents and they wont do anything then that child need to be in a better home. her parents dont care enough about there daughter to teach her its wrong to touch others down there. i would talk to her parents one more time if they dont try to correct the situation then call proctive services for the saftey of that little girl

Answer 22

i think maybe you should take bre in.?

to live with you or just stay with you at periods of time

she is proably only kissing your daughter cause she doesn't

have a dad/mom to hug or kiss and your daughter is her best

friend.

donnt over react sweetie

Answer 23

I would call protective services about they way the mom neglects Bre, NOT about Bre's curiosity.

Answer 24

uhhh.....u should talk to ur daughter about that.

Answer 25

Yes, kids do stuff like that. No, you shouldn't ignore it. The first things I would do, is tell my daughter that she isn't allowed to play with the other girl anymore because what she does isn't nice. Explain that if it wasn't wrong they wouldn't have had to hide, and it wouldn't be a secret. The second thing is to go to the other girls parents and explain what happened. Their reaction would determine if I called CPS. If I got the  "it's no big deal", then I probably would call them and I think I would tell the parents I was going to do it. If they were as offended as I was and took appropriate action with their child, I'd probably leave it at that (with my daughter still not playing with her). I"m not really sure what CPS would do as they're both 4 and 5 - I'm guessing they'd meet with the other parents but it may not even go that far.

Answer 26

Irresponsible parents...call child services now....

Answer 27

call child protective services  ...... something is not right here

Answer 28

It sounds like Bre's Mom may be doing this kind of thing in front of bre. If this is happening in school, you need to get in contact with the principal pronto. If it is just in regular day meetings, you need to keep your daughter away from bre. Most of all, talk with your daughter and tell her it is wrong.

Answer 29

Bre probably thinks that's normal behavior, could be an indication of what may be going on in her house.

In the meantime, keep her away from your daughter since it is stressing both of you out.

Answer 30

okay what i would do is tell her parents. just say "im not ocmpliaining just want to let you know so you can handle it the best way" and also (if you want add) "plz rell her not ot do it to my daughter anymore'

Answer 31

try to keep your child away from this little girl.  once you get the chance tell her mom that the girl is doing very inappropriate things and have her talk to her own daughter, and you talk to your daughter as well.