I started a new poem. Is the beginning good?

Question

***

Didn’t you see that gleaming crown?

Didn’t you hear that sneering voice?

Didn’t you see his satanic frown

That pondered upon his hellish choice?

His eyes, fed with power and pride

Became mirrors on whose faces

The image of men, whom wailing died

Became what one with thirst gazes

His hand, aloft in the blackened air

Signaled the fire of a thousand bows

That pierced young men with hearts so dear

And their homes burnt to the wails and woes

(...)

Answer 1

Thats great

Answer 2

The first four lines are very good, line 5 changes the beat so it stumbles a bit...maybe, "His eyes, full fed of power's pride" (or fed full).  Line 6 becomes passive because it's past tense and misses a chance at amplification...try, "Two crimson mirrors reflecting faces" and "Of grief-filled men whom wailing died".  The point here is to create deep images in the present tense...as much and as often as possible.  Bring us "there" to see what you see...don't just "tell" us..."show" us.  Watch your beats, your rhythm and your meter.  It's a good start...just keep at it.

...and keep writing  

Answer 3

The last line...

"And their homes burnt to the wails and woes,"

Should be, "And their homes burnt with wails and woes."

I like this poem because it is about a destroyer who gains fame with your amplification of his motives and actions. I don't know where you are going with this, but it is a great idea.  

Answer 4

lemons are sour

likes are sweet

your ***** looks

almost good enough to eat  

Answer 5

yuuuuuuuuuuPPPP! its great