I started by writing a random stanza. now It's developing fast. any comment?

Question

The belle of the nightly sky, the moon,

Shall emerge again with her pearly face

And shine upon us with her sacred boon

In the jet black sky, over this dark place

A fortnight ago, we set from the bay

To sail towards our long awaited quest

And though no malice stood in our way

I felt panic and dread throb in my chest

Answer 1

It is a delightful beginning.  There is  beauty and suspense already in these first two stanzas.  I will look forward to reading the rest as you write it.  Thank you.

Answer 2

Randomness needs a guide.  This starts well, make sure your story matches the start, not just words places that sound and sing.

Answer 3

I'm intrigued. What might be the cause of this anxiety attack?

Boon--what a word; I thought for sure that was a typo. That's why I'm here though, to learn anything I can. Thanks! Looking forward to the rest.

Answer 4

sounds pretty darn good

Answer 5

Great imagination and images......and it seems the beginning of a great piece.....

keep going Rid....keep going!!

Answer 6

I agree that the first stanza is strong, and the second seems an afterthought. Don't let vocabulary drive the lines. Find the path of least resistance. TD

Answer 7

The first 4 lines are very good

The next four need a little work, they feel put together just for the sake of rhyming