I still think about him. I can't tell my husband. What should I do? Please help!?

Question

I talk in my sleep a lot (or so my husband says), and I'm afraid that I will accidentally talk about my ex while I'm sleeping/dreaming.

I was with my ex for 3 years, and we had "broken up" many time during the last two years.

Finally he did something so stupid, that I had to let go.

A few months later, my friend from work, whom I got along with very well, asked me to marry him...

After thinking about it for a few days, I decided "why not?"

We got married the next week...

A few months later I found out my ex had just started working where I work (coincidence?) and now I see him all the time.

A friend, who knew us both when we were together told me that he told her he had been heartbroken when he found out I'd gotten married, especially so quickly after the breakup...

A few months after that, there were rumors going around that he was dating another girl from work... One that was 12 years older than him, and has a bit of a reputation of intentionally getting pregnant...

While I was shocked, I tried to not give it much though...

I actually do love my husband, and I'm very happy with him...

Well, a few months after THAT, we all found out that she's pregnant (imagine that!) and it *might* be his (he thinks she might have cheated on him, but really...)

Having have been with him for three years, I know how terrified of accidentally getting someone pregnant, because he used to be so paranoid, he used to have me take birthcontrol, and he would either wear a condom as well, or pull out...

So I KNOW he though he was being careful. I don't know how she did it, but now everyone's waiting to know whether or not it's his...

Well, lately, before falling asleep, I find myself thinking about how it was when I was with him, missing him holding me, and just plain missing him...

I keep trying to think of ways that we could have made it work, but no matter what I come up with, I know it would have failed as well...

I don't see anyway it could have worked...

I keep thinking about how great it would be to just talk to him as a friend, and yes, flirt with him, and maybe even make him regret being an idiot to me...

My friend also told me that when he was just starting to go out with the older gal, he had told our mutual friend that he was trying to be very careful not to be too jealous or controlling, because he didn't want to make the same mistake of losing her, like he lost me...

That made my heart melt a little!

I keep holding the shred of hope that later in life it might still be destined, and we will end up together and he'll appreciate me more then...

Then I feel horrible for thinking that, and I feel like in a way I am dooming my current happy marriage...

How do I stop all these thoughts?

I'm afraid that one night I'll accidentaly say something and my husband will hear my deepest, darkest thoughts!

Help me, please!

Answer 1

Well you need to put some major distance between you and your ex. If you work together that needs to stop. That friend of a friend who is communicating to you about his life and possible child needs to quit giving you any information to make your mind go crazy with. You need to forget about him, you are married and you say happily. That is rare and you should savor that not jeopardize that. You will forget the ex in time.  

Answer 2

you better quit that job, then tell your husband  why later. and stop thinking what if's. be thankful for who and what you got. your dumb for having those thoughts anyways. thanks for the points anyways.

Answer 3

You have to think of the reasons why it didn't work out with you both in the first place.  Everybody thinks about the what ifs.  It's normal.  But, focus on the fact of how happy you are right now, and how this ex of yours treated you, would you want to deal with that for the rest of your life?  Fortunately you found a man you love and want to spend your life with.  Just honestly think of the reasons why you are not with this man anymore.  Good Luck!

Answer 4

if you have a good man keep him, try thanking about him befor you go to sleep, then if you talk it will be about him, not someone else,

Answer 5

girl you are just going to have to realize that your husband loves you and you really did not give yourself a chance to get over your ex. you just went and got married while you had unresolved issues with your ex. so now you have feelings for both of them and I do not envy you.

Good luck

Answer 6

You get them out of your head, by seeing them for what they are "fantasy's".  

   And fantasy only works because they are not real, nor is the reasoning that you could make it work.

    You are where you were meant to be and so is he. Your paths may have crossed again, but neither are you two the same ppl you once were, but that doesn't remove the reasons you broke up. So leave the past where it belongs.

    As for your ex, the child is his. A man who doesn't want kids, doesn't leave it up too pulling out or even condoms, anyone who does this is just wearing his luck down, as your soon to find out.

    And to answer your earlier question, had he changed he would be taking responsibility for his actions, instead of denying and making excuses for them. Were these not the reasons/behaviors for which you left ??

    Your also showing some jealousy here, by nitpicking about who's child it is, this is immature gossip, you have absolutely no right nor place to comment, it's none of your business.

    Those who live in glass houses, should be the last to  throw stones.

     In other words, you have no right to be questioning this woman's behavior, when living with one and longing for another.

Answer 7

I suggest you get another job. Take yourself away from your ex. Do not contact him. Do not listen to his sob stories about his baby (no birth control method is foolproof). You are not ready to be his friend. Your relationship with your husband is not strong enough. You need to take charge and remove yourself from his sphere. If you can't change businesses, try to get a position where you won't ever run into your ex.

Answer 8

I went through something similar, and I have to agree with the previous poster that said maybe you jumped into marrige while on the rebound...

Honestly, I just take it a day at a time, and I appreciate what I've got...

I appreciate the little things my hubby does, because they were never done for me before...

If you can, change jobs, try to transfer somewhere else if possible.

Don't make contact with the ex.

Men rarely ever change, and if he's broken your heart before, he would probably do it again, if given the chance...

He had 3 years to fix his mistakes.

You said you broke up more than once while you were together, so he probably got comfortable, and though you would always be there, no matter how bad he behaved...

Move on... Just move...

You are one of the lucky ones... don't mess it up!

Answer 9

Well girl you obviously know the reason that you and your ex didn't make it, and as for you getting married as quick as you did right after a breakup was a bit of a drastic move, although your husband sounds like a really great guy you where on a rebound and i think that the only reason you married him was to get this ex out of your mind and try to get over it but it didn't happen. Look ex's are ex's for a reason ther was that reason that i didn't work then and it wont work after that guaranteed