I support the family finacially and he.....?

Question

only gives about a quarter of his pay check. I work 2 jobs and put both pay checks into the bills and he feels that my 3 kids aren't his so he shouldn't have to pay as much toward the bills. I find this VERY unfair! He makes me feel bad for even asking for the money. Sometimes he gives me a couple hundred dollars and a few days later...he wants some of it back and goes balistic when I don't return it.

How do I make him see he is being unfair...because he just doesn't see it!

Answer 1

You both should have addressed that before marriage. He is not a good husband or he wouldn't be putting you through this.

Answer 2

well maybe he's not okay with you having kids and he is in a hard spot. Thats not a man that you need. I think its just too hard for him to understand that you have kids and he probably loves YOU very much but doesnt want the kids to come along with you.

Answer 3

Life isn't fair! But then again, one person's perception of what is fair is often clouded by what they wish that they had, not by any reality.

If they aren't his kids, they aren't his responsibility except to the extent that you and he both decide that they are. If you are with a man for financial support of YOUR children, you've made a big mistake!

If they aren't his kids, you should be getting child support from their father (unless they live with him equally).

If they are YOUR kids and not his, you are responsible for something like 70-80% of the family expenses. If you can't handle that, it may be difficult, but that is the life situation into whch you have managed to get yourself. Does he have other children for whom he has to pay child support? If so, you may want to cut him a break. If he leaves you, you won't even get the quarter of the paycheck.

All that having been said, you and he need to talk. If you can't talk, you can't stay together! You need to understand how he sees things.  If you just make demands and then get angry because he doesn't do what you demand, you will never get anywhere. If you don't ask for how you would like things to be, they will never happen that way either.

Basically, you have to understand about control. In a relationship, control must be shared according to negotiated rules. Demands may get you what you want for a while, but he will always resent the demands, and you will resent having to demand things.

Basically, you have to understand that a man isn't automatically responsible for your children just because he lives with you. He needs to undertand that sharing is the way to create a mutually beneficial relationship. Good Luck. You are going to need it!

Answer 4

Is this your husband, or a boyfriend?

If it is your husband, he is being selfish and unfair and needs to contribute to the family he chose to be part of.

If it's your boyfriend....it's his money....

Answer 5

Okay, from your other question you used the term boyfriend. So I am going to assume you two are not married. He may feel that since you aren't married, your children aren't his responsibility and that he is doing his part by paying only his part of the bills. Honestly, I would say that it is his money and he has no legal obligations to you or your children.

Answer 6

Well, talk to him, obviously.  If he will not listen or acts like he doesn't believe you, then do these two things:

1) Open your own account and do not put his name on it.  Have your work checks directly deposited into your account.

2) Log who is spending money on what.  Have a main log (journal) at home, and each day, have your guy and you each put in the amount you spent and what it was for.  This includes electricity bills, food runs; anything that pertains to running the household.

In the end, it won't matter if he has any money or not.  Who contributed what amount of money to the household will be right there in black and white.  I don't think this is too drastic.  

Also, you won't have to ask anyone for money if you have control over your own finances.  If it becomes clear (from the journal) that you are contributing sooo much more, then you will have won that argument.  However, if he feels like he doesn't need to contribute very much because you have three children (who cost money) and he does not, that is a relationship issue that may not be worked out ever.  Be ready to move on to someone else who WANTS to take care of all of you, or at least have a good attitude about contributing what he can.

Answer 7

how come u work 2 jobs and ask him for money? sounds very strange to me. i work one part time job, i also have 3 kids, i never ask my husband for money - i think this is fair and square - kids re not his, why does he need to pay? don't they have father? i would never ever ask my husband for money. but i would also never pay his bills

Answer 8

"The family" ha! They are your children. Why should he have to take care of your responsibilities? Yes, it probably was a mistake to become so involved with someone who has children, but that still doesn't make it his responsibility to clean up after your mess or take care of your crotch droppings. At least he is not making the mistake of pooling your funds together when you've got your own children to pay for.

Asking him for money is fine, but when you ask him, you probably make claims that you'll return it soon or you guilt him into it when he really can't afford to pay. He probably has his own bills or wants that he worked for and even if what he wants is a new XBOX game or a bag of weed, he deserves his money more than your (not his) children do. Acting angry is understandable, once, but in the future he really should learn to say no to you.

You need to learn to take care of your responsibilities. You chose to have children. You chose to raise children and you knew the risks and responsibilties that would leave you with (even if you didn't know that baby daddy would die or leave you or whatever it was, the risk was there and should have been assessed) therefore you need to stop expecting everyone to take care of your problems for you. Grow up. If you really can't handle your bills, cut back. If you still can't, there is government assistance (which however controversial to us tax payers, is valid when people like you, s***w up and have too many children that they can't afford.)

Answer 9

if he doesn't realize it now, he never will. maybe its time to leave him and start getting some child support!

Answer 10

if it isnt clear to you yet that

1 he doesnt see your kids as his own

2 he doesnt see you as a family

3 he is selfish

4  a jerk for letting a woman raise him

5 it is a pretty good situation for him in order to save some money , then get out as soon as he wants with a big bank account

then you should sit there and continue wondering if you will ever be a family  

Answer 11

I would like to know first if you guys are married or just bf/gf living together. Cause if I has kids and married someone who was not the father I would expect him to take me as his wife and them as his kids. period. It's not fair that he keeps money for himself.

But if you're not bf and gf then I can see how he could immaturely say since they're not his he doesn't have to pay.

Either way I would say get rid of him for not respecting your kids and seperating them from himself. It's just mean. If he wants to save his money let him live on his own, kid free.

Answer 12

I am assuming these kids are not his but yours from a previous relationship.  



First off if he took up with you and wanted to be with your he should have excepted ALL of you as his responsiblity.  He has not done this he never will he will always be selfish and pig headed.  You need to lay down the law now.  Half the bills or out the door he goes....

Answer 13

  I hate to say this but he is in no way responsible for providing for your children.  Their father or father's should be doing that.  That being said I would tell him that he owe's you 1/5 of the total on all bills.  If he refuses to pay then I would show him the door or leave yourself(if you names not on the lease.).

Answer 14

What a selfish ***! You and your kids are a packaged deal. When he got with you, he acquired some kids to. I had a guy like that and I got sick of it. I kicked him to the curb and am doing much better financially. Sounds like he has some anger problems to. You need to rethink things and decide what is best for you and the kids. He'll never change.  

Answer 15

Well, this guy should have known what he was getting into before you got married or started living together. If he felt this way he should have told you this up front, leaving you with the decision to continue this relationship or not. Also, asking for money back that he has given you sounds like he has some kind of problem. Drugs, alcohol, gambling? I think you should be more worried about the fact that he is obviously a rotten step father and a bad example for your kids. If he doesn't contribute now youwon't be missing anything when he is gone.

Answer 16

He does sound like he is being unfair. You and your kids come as a package deal and he should have known that from the begining.