I take care of a child that has severe food allergies. He has anyphalxed several times. It is very stressful?

Question

on everyone in the house. He also has severe environmental allergies with really horrible eczema. His behavior the last few weeks has been terrible. He is almost 3. I know that he doesn't feel well, but should I ignore some of his behavior because of that? I feel like the rules are the rules no matter if you feel well or not. His Mom on the other hand lets him get away with more when he doesn't feel well. I explain to him what the consequences are going to be of whatever he is doing, and then when I follow through with the discipline he is throwing serious crying fits like he is being tortured. Any advice on whether I should lighten up on the rules, or what other forms of discipline I could try?

Answer 1

i agree with the first poster but i've gone into shock before and it's scary, awful, and after you take the epi you feel jittery, tired, it's just a really really awful feeling and i just want to tell people to f- off afterwards.  luckily my food allergy is very avoidable so i can't imagine having to do that more often than i've had.

but you don't want to baby him.  i don't know.

Answer 2

No...keep the rules just the same.  My sister has a son with severe environmental issues and severe allergies also (to the point where they moved on an island as suggested by his doctor).  They babied him compared to his older brother and sister.  As a result he was a total brat and his brother and sister became bitter about being treated differently.  I know you feel badly for him but if you allow him to control everyone around him because he feels badly then you are doing a disservice to him.  Don't treat him any differently than you would any other child.  He needs that kind of security.  Good luck.

Answer 3

You could lighten on the rules a tiny bit but it depends on if it's going to have a negative impact on other kids in the house. If he gets special treatment then it will be unfair and very difficult to explain to other children. I'm sure it's hard to do right now, but try and focus on what he's doing right. If he is following the rules and behaving well then you should reward his behavior. If all he hears is what he's doing wrong the negativity feeds on itself and the behavior gets even worse.

A better question is if you are up for continuing on this path? If his needs exceed your ability to care for him than maybe he needs special care? If you and the mom are on completely different pages in terms of discipline than it will be nearly impossible to provide the child with consistent care. If it's been weeks of misery then you have to ask yourself what you're worth. I assume you are a child care provider? You have the right to decide what children you care for.

It's time to have a serious talk with the mom. She needs to know how her actions at home impact the type of day he has while in your care. If the two of you are willing to work together and provide this child with consistency between the two households then you have a chance of improving his behavior.