I think I'm a little insane

Question

I'm not by any means an angel, but I'm hardly the worst person there is. Throughout my life I've been collected and tame, and my decisions have been generally sound. I'd sooner spend a nice day by the mountains writing than go to a raving party or smoke pot and that stuff.

I began writing about three years ago. The first things I wrote were harmless everyday things, but as I've grown older my writing has become increasingly violent. Sometimes, in retrospect, it disturbs even me. I'm a peaceful person by nature and I'm worried.

Answer 1

You might be a little disturbed. Often risk taking behaviours can help us get over repressed urges. It looks like you're dealing with them in your writing. As long as you know you're separate from the world you're inventing.... you should be fine.

Answer 2

You are not insane, but you do have problems.

First, there is absolutely nothing wrong with not partying, and wanting to go see the mountains.  The people who like to party are going to wish they had that quality one day because you are more likely to become successful because you respect the artistic side of nature.

You describe your self as peaceful with increasingly violent writing.  This probably means you're suppressing your thoughts and ventilating it with your writing.  You should seek help from a professional to learn how to control whatever that makes you seem violent.

I would guess you envy what people who party and do drugs since you brought it up.  Maybe you just need to understand your position and life, and understand one day those people will be kissing up to you because you'll be the boss and they will be scrambling for a job?

The reason I know you're not insane is because you understand that what you are doing isn't normal (even though it is).  Insane would mean you do things because you believe it is correct, and don't have the mental understanding that what you do is wrong.

Answer 3

We all think like this.  Get yourself published!

Answer 4

dont worry about it the same happened to me i used to write innocent stuff like flowers n gardens n things bt now i write things about murder and torture i also began writing 3 years ago mostly poems bt thn i started monologues and stories, maybe u could make somethng out of it be a crime writer or something

Answer 5

Really, I think you are really in no danger at all. Since you obviouly have control over yourself and self-restraint e.g. not going to parties you are not in any sort of danger from yourself (if thats what you are worried about).

Your writing may also be your way of venting steam, so inside while you 'rave' on the exterior you seem peaceful and pleasant. Writing may be your way of letting that steam out without kicking someone or turning violent.

I think your writing might be a good thing, if you feel a certain satisfaction at the end, it may be you have let whatever is bothering you, go. Also there are many writers out there knitting stories which are gory, violent, or disturbing, many make there living this way and not all are distrubed or insane.

Answer 6

The mirror in the normal course of being a mirror has two faces.

It is quite possible that you, at some stage, made a decision to suppress the most primordial and base of human acquisitions, and adopted a public self more fitting to socially-acceptable pursuits.

At least you're able to express that more basic nature. This does not make you insane. There would be more chance of you becoming insane without an outlet.

Besides, had you said you were monstrous in real-life, but wrote about meadows breathing beneath a Spring sun, then I would have suggested therapy!

You're fine. Most of us have two sides- the one we show, and the other that comes out when it is safe. Problems exist when the border between the two natures becomes blurred or open to infiltration.

Answer 7

I was going to say "don't worry about it, the fact that you are self aware and analysing it probably means you're OK". But, if you really are worried maybe it's a good idea to talk to a counsellor or your GP.

If you're fine - well you've had a lovely chat when you get to talk about lovely you. If you need help, you'll be in the right place.

Writing sounds like a healthy release, hope you're famous for the right things one day.