I think I'm being ridiculous, but i just can't help feeling so bad!

Question

Okay, so i don't mean to load off my life story on a bunch of people but feel i just need to objective feedback!

Me and my fiance have been together for 2 years and are expecting our first child in November. We are very happy together and i cannot wait to be his wife and mother of his child.

However, in the beginning of our relationship, as we were both out of long term and rather controlling relationships (we met through work when we were both with our other partners) we both wanted to take it slowly and didn't push commitment on each other (him being more cautious than i as he had always pushed me away because he was always felt guilty about there being a 10 year age gap and not wanting to settle with me as he thought he might as he would be "taking my youth away" in some way, a feeling he had never been silent about) but i was still in the view that our relationship was slowing at least going somewhere. I found out once we had settled properly into a commitment that during that time (around 9 months of us regularly sleeping together) he had been sleeping with another girl and was actually seeing her properly (only for around two months and before, during and after this period he was infact still sleeping with me too). To say the least it crushed me as i thought that this was such a kick in the teeth. It felt as though I had only ended up with him by default because things didn't work out with her i was second choice so he decided to make things official with me only after the fact with this other girl.

I had always just put it down to a combination of him sewing his wild oats before settling down and everyone is allowed a time to blow off steam after a long relationship and him needing time to come to terms on how he felt about me in terms of my age (17 and 27 when we first started our relationship) and didn't really speak or think about it as after he had decided once and for all for us to be together totally, he has been the one more loved up than me! (and i love him A LOT.) We have recently got back in contact with a few of his friends that were closest to him at the time that we were seeing each other casually and he was with this other girl and they all (rather un tactlfully i think) keep talking about how much he has changed, and how serious he is about me (as if it was something they didn't ever anticipate) and makes me really sad to think that he ever felt like i didn't mean anything to him, or that at a time there was someone else he would rather have been with.

I think it may just be my hormones causing me to feel lower or more thoughtful about these issues than normal? I should really just shut it and be grateful for my little (big) lot but i can't shake this feeling of sadness?

thanks for even just reading that HUGE big rant, and any replies would be amazing.

x

Answer 1

Hi, I think that you have every right to feel how you do. Even more now that you are pregnant with his child, you need to feel secure in your relationship and need security for your child. I don't know what your relationship is like now, but if he loves you and things are good you need to not think about the past and focus on how you can better your future. As far as his friends if they are truly his friends they will need to learn how to support him and respect who he is with. Good luck in your future and don't dwell too much on the past.  

Answer 2

Mmm, well he is serious about you now and that's what matters! He has changed from his wild ways for you! But I think you should speak to him about this, it seems to be aggrivating you, so you should try to get it out in the air with him. But it does sound terrible that he was sleeping with someone else while he was with you! Don't make excuses for him about that! I think you should let your feelings be known to him. Good luck!