I think I'm in trouble, wedding blues!?

Question

I have been reading some of the answers and now I'm worried! I begged my gf's father to let us get married and now they are planning a wedding with about half the town and a big affair with all the bells and whistles. I was a little worried although if I don't have to pay for it I don't care what they want! We can get married in a mansion and go to the best reception hall in the world. But now there is talk of rings, food etc. I have already been looking at pawn shops for rings (a few hundred dollars). I found one for myself and a nice 1/2 carrot diamond for her. But honestly I cannot even spend more than $1000. The money I have saved is for our apt, first month rent and security deposit, furniture, house furnishings, appliances, as well as all the baby stuff. My several thousand I will gladly pay for all this. I have been saving since I started my job a few years ago. So I don't know who will pay for an expensive dress, new rings, food for the guests, etc. Should I tell the parents it's all on them? Or just put down my $1000 contribution and tell them this is all I can pay? Should I cancel the wedding and elope? Maybe I could get the consent form and than sneak off somewhere and get married and have a nice little $1000 wedding and honeymoon? I am full of anxiety now!! I feel I might be too deep in the pickle jar?

Answer 1

All the groom is obligated to pay for is the engagement and bride's wedding band. I have 3 daughters and I don't expect anything financially when they marry - We will be footing the whole bill. I will not be buying rings however. Those are gifts from the bride and groom to one another. Spend your money on her rings and call it good. If the bride is offering to purchase a matching set (hers included) - let her!  

Answer 2

Usually the matter of finances is discussed BEFORE any arrangements are made.  You really need to have a heart-to-heart with her dad and tell him that your pockets are not as deep as his.  Best of Luck

Answer 3

Honestly..You are off the hook. The "Groom" doesn't usually pay for anything but the honeymoon. So if you can figure out something, nice but cheap and still manage to not put a huge dent in the savings that you have now, you'll be fine. Usually the bride and her family will pay for the wedding. Well, that's what we did anyways, we asked nothing of the groom or his family, accept that he "offered" to pay for the honeymoon. Our wedding was 8,000.00 but that was 13 years ago. Don't worry about it. I'm sure they've more than got it covered.

Answer 4

First, talk to your fiance alone about budget. WOrk things out with her, find out what she wants and see how you can make it work. Worry about what she wants, but keep her on earth as far as budget goes. EIther you will have to have a very simple wedding with more guests, or you could have a smaller and slightly "nicer" wedding.  You could also wait until you can save enough for a "dream" wedding. See if she wants things sooner and within your current budget, or if she would want to wait until you can save more. THis may lead to a fight since a lot of girls have big dreams. Be nice about it and listen to her, but hold your ground on how much money you have. Taking out loans does not mean you can afford it, and a wedding is no good if you can't support yourselves after. You are smart to try and spend money on practical things.

Then go to the parents. Tell them that you will have to limit the guest list because you have a very small budget. Do not ask for anything. While traditionally the brides parents pay, they don';t have to contribute a penny if they do not want to. If the parents offer to contribute, thank them and then adjust your plans accordingly. If they don't want to pay for the wedding they want, they will just have to deal with it.

Good luck!

Answer 5

You need to discuss this with your fiance and decide on it together.  Perhaps get the parents involved in the discussion too.  We can't tell you what to do - you two should be deciding what you both want to do.

Answer 6

Ask your bride and tell her where you are finacialy. ask her what she wants and try to give it to her because this is the day she will remember for the rest of her life. She will understand the sacrifice you are making for the two of you and how you are providing. but let her choose and talk to her about your options.

Answer 7

I would just let them know that you are not capable of paying for all of that.  It is actually the bride's parents that are supposed to pay for the wedding. And if they are not able to then they need to keep their noses out of it and let you and your fiance do all the planning....good luck and congrats!

Answer 8

What kind of consent form do you need to get married? You need to explain to your inlaws the kind of financial situation that you are and if you are expecting a baby they should be thrilled that you want to save for the babies stuff, not one day that will soon pass into the memory book. If you want to elope and so does your fiance, go for it because it's about the marriage of you two, no one else.

Answer 9

Talk to your fiancee about it, you're going to be married..you need to learn to be able to talk to her about anything. people here can't tell you what to do,it's up to you guys.

but, if it was me.. I'd talk to her first, explain the situation and tell her as much as you wish you could, you can't afford all of that right now. then talk to her parents about it as a couple,and see what they're willing to help you with

and i wouldnt suggest the cancel the wedding idea..even if its not as expensive as she wants it to be, the fact that she has all these plans probably means she would want a ceremony with her family and friends there,not just "sneaking off" and getting married you know?