I think I have problems - can you help me?

Question

I'm currently 25. I'm slender to average (150), 5'10", decent looking, no skin problems or any other blemishes.

In high school I had a small group of male friends. I never had a girlfriend, or went to any dances. Though I longed for contact with the opposite s*x, I lacked the self confidence to talk to girls I was interested in, and didn't care enough to change things.

I was smart and excelled in the most difficult classes but at the same time I was a rather disinterested student. My main problem was homework - but only in classes I cared the least about. My standardized test scores were well above average, I had extracirriculars, and my GPA was high enough to get my into a very nice public university.

I attended that university for 3 years - doing nothing but smoking pot and hanging around with people most of the time. I went to class probably less than 20 times. I lied to my parents and friends (including those I smoked with) about my life until they found out 3 months after I got kicked out. At 21, I moved back home with my parents and cut off contact with every one of my friends, including all the ones I'd known for my whole life, except for one single person. I would not return their calls or let them see me, despite some even coming to my front door and talking to my parents.

Since that time, I have been lying about my attendance at a community college for an additional 3 years. I have a part time job doing something I would have laughed at and mocked in high school if someone told me I'd be doing it at 25. I don't even have my own car - I drive one my parents'. Oh, and I still have a nasty marijuana habit, which is where most of the measly income I get from my job is spent.

I'm also still a virgin. I've come close to having s*x twice, but it didn't happen. I've really only had three very brief flings with women, all after I turned 21. I've never had a prolonged relationship with a girl - even a friendship. At least since I was 10.

My life isn't going anywhere. I'm no closer to getting through college than I was when I graduated high school; in fact, I'm probably further away with the trail of F's I've left in my wake. I was a scholarship student, and I'm on the verge of being kicked out of a LOCAL COMMUNITY COLLEGE for a year for academic performance. I'm 25 and I live with my parents, I have no car, one friend who's more like a brother, and seemingly no ambition. I constantly feel like I'm putting up a facade - I make conversation and acquaintances with many customers from work, for instance, but I'm close to none of them. No conversation I ever have with a girl leads to more - everytime I feel like it is, it's with a girl I'd be too embarrassed to be with, physically.

What's my problem? Too much pot smoking? Pure laziness? Or do you think I need to get more serious help? I am open to all suggestions & advice, as well as any criticism or straight talk you want to serve up.

Answer 1

Maybe when you really get tired of fooling around you'll accually get things done. Don't get involved with a girl untill you have your life straight. You'll live without one. You don't need to ruin her life either or have a kid and ruin that one too.  Try being truthful and get some accountability on your time and money. If you can't trust yourself let someone drive you and pick you up and put you on a budget. Its up to you what you do with your life. Once you're striaght things fall into place. P.s.You could always join the military. They straighten you out. :-)

Answer 2

What you describe sounds like class "pot-head" syndrome. The mellow life soon become the going nowhere life. You've traded the real experiences of life (love, challenges, accomplishments, etc.) for an artificial escape from life. Only you can decide to continue with the non-life or to bite the bullet and experience the difficult, but fulfilling life.

    Don't be afraid, experience the pain, rewards and challenges of the one life you get to live.  

Answer 3

From what you wrote here, it's obvious you don't want to live the life you're leading,

just going through the motions, wasting years of your life pretending you're doing something worthwhile and end up flunking out of college, not to mention being a dissapointment to your mom and dad.

You're an intelligent man who could accomplish anything if you lived up to your potenial. Motivate yourself now, don't wait for years until you wake up out your fugue and finally realize your loss...you will regret it for the rest of your life.

As far as friends, dating and s*x...don't isolate yourself, hanging out and having fun with friends makes us happy, call them up and invite them to go to the beach, (swimming, throwing around the football/frisbee) meet up to shoot some hoops, volleyball at a park, play cards or anything you enjoy, fun in the sun and inexpensive.

Most guys in their teens (well, girls too) have flings and empty s*x, as they get older and more mature they want something more meaningful, someone to love and hold on to.

Many girls don't want to show their interest in guys for fear men will think they are too forward. You would be surprised how many wish a guy would ask them out.

I'm sure there is a girl you know or one in your classes that you are attracted to,

(first make sure she's not wearing a ring) smile, walk up and ask her out.

"Would you like to go out for pizza friday night?"

If everything goes well, at the end of the date,

"I really enjoyed tonight, could you write down your phone number so I can ask you out again?"

So you start dating and after a while when you both have feelings for each other in a trusting relationship s*x will come naturally.

Good luck to you.