I think I may have cold feet ?

Question

My Fiance and I are engaged. He was careless and use to ogle women in front of me which is disrespectful. I wouldn't do that to him. He's lied to me just to keep the peace which I made him stop doing because it's not being honest. There are things that he did before the engagement that would make most women flee or lose their cool..

He has changed now and doesn't lie nor look at women in my face - which is fantastic but for some reason I feel like I 'changed' him and I don't know how to let my guard down with him. I don't think I 'changed' him but I helped him become more stable and not a crazy bachelor =) that includes using common sense .. haha

He's never cheated on me but what we went through has made me feel un sure on some days but our love is deep. Any advice or personal input? Thanks in advance!!

Answer 1

All men "Check out the Menu", it doesn't mean that they are going to order.  Just the fact that he showed you respect by not looking at other women in your presence, shows that he does respect and care about your feelings (after you voiced your concerns). He sounds like a keeper to me.

Answer 2

I don't think you "changed" him at all........what I do believe is that you taught him how to act when he is around you. You have no idea how he acts out of your presence. And you questioning his intent or your love IS NOT a good sign, it is the beginning of trouble. His actions and inappropriatness around other women around you caused some questions out of you, you briniging it to his attention, allowed him to learn a new behavior. I think that you should seek counseling or at least try talking about it and listening to your heart, before you marry him. Follow your heart, listen to your intuition, it won't lead you astray...~good luck~

Answer 3

Put some nice warm socks on.

Answer 4

Don't worry, nothing is wrong, go ahead and marry him.  And don't worry about him ogling, he's going to keep doing that.  It has nothing to do with you!!!  Seriously, you could be Angelina Jolie or whatever and he's still going to ogle.  

I've been married for 12 years to a hot wife and I ogle constantly.  I just can't help it, I stare at everyone.  About a third of all women look attractive enough that I try to imagine how they are at s*x; not that I necessarily imagine having s*x with them... I might just imagine them with their own partner.  

When I am in the kitchen with my wife, and she's talking about taking the kids to their friends house, and asking if I sent in the insurance check or something like that, I am only using about 1/2 my brain for listening.  The other half is checking out her butt, looking at what skirt she's got on, wondering what underwear she's got on, and if there would be any possibility of getting her upstairs into bed naked in the next couple of minutes.  Even thought I'm fairly sure that it's not going to happen, just thinking about it is way more interesting than whatever she's talking about.

I'm fairly sure I'm not the only guy who thinks this way.

Answer 5

You probably did change him, at least in an outward.  And he probably resents you for that on an unconscious level.  That's how most guys are.  They will change their behavior for you because they love you and they would rather make superficial changes to avoid immediate problems.  However, his actual thinking probably hasn't changed at all.  You say he doesn't lie anymore, but forcing himself not to "ogle" girls is a lie because that's what his true self feels like doing.  Superficially changing his behavior is just another form of lying to you in order to keep the peace.  I suggest you get some counselling and keep an open mind (AKA: be willing to accept his true feelings rather than just getting hurt by them).  If you don't work these problems out now he will keep pretending in the way you've asked him to and later on, maybe two years or more he won't be able to take it anymore and he'll either tell you that he's tired of living a lie or do something to you in a last ditch effort to get you to divorce him.  Counselling and honesty from the start.  Good luck

Answer 6

So you could convert a vital bachelor to a boring fiancee, who admires only and only and only you. It's a big achievement.  

Answer 7

If you have any reservations, don't go through with it. Divorce is expensive.