I think Im falling out of love with the father of my son.....what can I do?

Question

I feel like I am drifting more and more apart from my fiance, the father of my 8 month old son. I love him very much but recently I have begun to despise him. Everything he does or says annoys or upsets me. I am a caring, emotional, romantic. He is logical, practical and non romantic (he can be but rarely) I am a social worker and he is a salesman. He has differetn views and opinions to me - which is fine i know - but recently his comments have been making me dislike him as a person. Hes not a BAD person, he just has different views on the world and has different values to me. Do you think these differences are ok in a relationship. I come from a broken home and I dont want to ruin my sons life - he means everything to me and I care about his welfare - but I am thinking alot about how I really feel about my partner, his daddy. we have been together for years, but never before has any of this bothered me like it is now. HELP? No nasty comments please, just advice from people who can empathise? thanks x

Answer 1

I feel for you and wish I had an easy answer. It sounds like there's a particular issue that you disagree on.  Is it possible to talk them through and come to a better compromise on your views?

There's nothing wrong with being logical and practical in itself and he should be open to questioning some of his attitudes if you are good at doing it in a non-confrontational way.  i.e. soften him up a bit on the issues you have.

It would be a great pity to break up without trying to come to a resolution, especially as you have a child together - and I know that's one of the reasons that you're posting here.

Does he know how you feel? Or are you keeping it all in - it is important to talk it through with him.

I do wish you luck.  

Answer 2

When you have a baby, your relationship with your significant other will change. Whether for better or worse, it depends on the couple. I have an 11 month old--I understand all too well what you mean.

My suggestion would be to do a few things. First, sit down and talk to your fiance about this. Explain to him how you feel, and tell him you don't want to feel like that. Just that you two are drifting apart, but you really want to be brought back together. Second, consider going into counseling with him. Even if he is practical and not emotional, he probably also wants what is best for your son, which is for the two of you to stay together. And going into couples therapy would definitely be beneficial to your relationship. Third, try to have some time away from the baby. I still get frustrated with my husband at times--that's natural in every relationship--but every time we start having problems, I do what I can to get us out on a date, or just away from our son for a few hours. We'll just spend half a day together while one set of grandparents watches our son, and more times than not, I am reminded over and over again how much I love him, and why I fell in love with him in the first place. Do what you can to remind yourself of these things again. Chances are, if you've been together for years and you loved him enough to agree to marry him and have a baby with him, that there is something very special that he has that you appreciate. Try to find what that is again.

Good luck, honey. I can imagine what's going on inside your head is pretty rough. I hope you can figure all of this out for your sake and especially your son's sake.

Answer 3

It sounds like Postpartum Depression. You should speak with your doctor.  List your symptoms and any medications you've taken lately.

Answer 4

I am in a very similar relationship, we too have different values and views.  He is not interested in my opinions or how I feel.  The only thing we have in common are our kids, we have different hobbies and interests and shame to say different friends too, hence he dislikes my friends and his friends just ignore me.   So in that sense I suppose different values can lead to two different people.

Answer 5

can you find another man you can love ?

Answer 6

You know what, i am the same as you.  We have a fourteen month old and have been together for eight years.  I feel like the stress of having the baby has made me angry at him because i don't think he is doing his fair share and i feel resentful.  Since having my son i've needed support but i feel like he just doesn't know how.  Email if you want to go into more depth....misery loves company...lol.

Answer 7

hmmm.. maybe you should make more time for each other? (i know that'l be hard with your new son and work and all) maybe do some more romantic things together like cinema or go out for dinner? even just for an hour one month or something?.. it sounds like your a little stressed, well i know when im stressed or frustrated i HATE my boyfriend, everything he does, even the way he breathes through his nose loudly sometimes makes me want to just never see him again! maybe you just have to find something relaxing to do together??

i dont think you can help the whole disagreeing thing, but it would help if you could agree to disagree things should work out. or maybe tell him how you feel.

um im only 16 so i suppose im not the best for advise lol but good luck :)

Answer 8

The best thing to do is take time for the two of you, sit and talk with him and let him know how you are feeling.  Don't be negative when you are talking to him, just share your feelings and concerns.  In the end if he isn't willing to work on things, and you aren't happy, it is better for you to leave.  I know it is hard, but if you aren't happy your son will suffer in the end.

Differences are ok in a relationship, because it will provide for good discussions.  As long as one or the other doesn't try to make the other change their opinion or the way things are done.  There does have to be compromise in a relationship, but most of all there needs to be communication.

Answer 9

Having a baby changes the relationship you have with your partner as a mum no matter what help your partner gives you feel 'responsible' for making sure everything is perfect for your children. As a social worker you see a lot of family problems so this makes you more protective especially with your background.  The problem comes when the high of lusty being IN love grows into caring Loving [ and still when you have the energy with children].

You have gone from being the individual you were to being referred to more as the partner of X and now the mother of y, there is no wonder we begin to question where you fit into this new You.  Spend some time with you partner doing the things you used to do and which you both enjoyed, and talk to each other.

Do an honest review of what you want for you in a relationship, what do you get from your current  relationship and what can You do to get the things you want but don't get from it. If you decide it is what you want work at it TOGETHER.

Having gone through these feelings I understand where you are coming from and having  worked at redefining My image of Me as a person  feel happy, contented and fulfilled with life and Our relationship.  

Answer 10

Difficult answer. But what I cannot understand is that you did not seem to mind before what he was like. After all, you were together before. You seemed to be happy, otherwise he would not be your fiance in the first place, wouldnt he ? It sounds more like you are upset about your current situation and how its managed. Talk to your partner how youcould change it and organized your life better.

If you do not want your son to grow up in a broken childhood like yourself, then you stay together with your fiance.Otherwise your son might reproach and maybe even loath you, when he grows up.

It is easier and better to talk to your fiance about what he is doing wrong in your eyes.You cannot always jump around and break up a relationship and change your relationship, just because somebody annoys you at some point or another.

Talk to him, seek professional help and try to organize and prioritize your life with your partner.

Good luck and all the best :)

Answer 11

You're a social worker? And an unwed mother? Sorry, but I would think with all the stuff you see out there,well, anyway, what did you think making a baby meant?

"He has different views on the world"? What does that mean? He votes differently? Or prefers to watch baseball instead of Judge Judy? Listen, the two of you have an 8-month old obligation that is going to last another 17 years and four months.  You had better figure out real quick how to make it work, or you are going to s***w up 3 lives.  Either that, or adopt out the baby and start fresh somewhere else.  It doesn't matter if you love papa. You are mama, he is papa.  That is a hard truth which doesn't depend on your feelings, I'm sorry, because I know Oprah and everyone tell you how important your feelings are.  Sadly, that's a lie.  Your feelings are probably the least important thing, try your responsibilities on for size.

Father of six. Married 20 years.  It's not all fun and games, and sometimes it sucks.  But there is something more important than either one of you going on here.

Answer 12

hi, i was once like that, i think your child comes first and you have focus on her that ia why you have started to avoid your fiance, but believe me you still loves him and this will come to an end one day