I think i'm in an abusive relationship?

Question

My boyfriend and i have been in a relationship for a few months. He's 17 and i just turned 15. He's one of those guys who's always concerned about who i'm with and what i'm doing. But recently he's been getting very controlling and commanding. He hasn't really hit or punched me but he has grabbed my arm and the back of my neck a few times. It makes me feel uncomfortable when he does this. I know he doesn't really mean to hurt me or anything but i really wish he would stop. I've told him a few times to stop and he always says he's just kidding but sometimes i think he's not. I know this is bad but he does drink and smoke and sometimes gets out of control, yelling, telling me what to do and stuff like that. He does say he's sorry when he realizes how he was acting. A few of my friends tell me i should just break up with him but i can't, especially since i found out about a week ago i was pregnant. I haven't told anyone yet and im not sure how.

I love him to death and i know he loves me.

im not sure what i should do? advice?

Answer 1

I was going to say that it is fairly common for a guy to be a little controlling at that age, as my husband was. However, I really think you might be in an abusive relationship. My husband was controlling, but he never hurt me. If he so much as bruised me, he never shrugged it off as kidding with me. It sounds like he knows that he is being abusive, but is trying to play it off so you don't think he is. My husband had to do some extensive help to become less controlling. I would get someone you trust, preferably an adult, to go with you and talk to him. If he's not willing to get help, he's not worth it.

I know you love him to death, and I understand that it will hurt so bad, but it may just be a bad time for him to be in a relationship. Also, don't tell him you're pregnant with him present, as he may be tempted to hit you in such a way that it would hurt you and your baby.

Be so careful. I don't know you, but I'll be thinking of you and know that people out there love you.

You're friends are right, you should break it off with him. I would start by telling an adult that you trust about it, since you may need help to get him to stay away from you.

Love you, and good luck.

Answer 2

Well, I know how it is, but I'm afraid that it's true, people with those traits just get worse and worse as time passes. I'd recommend not staying with him. It will probably hurt like h**l, but believe me after a few more months, or maybe even years, his behavior will just get intolerable and you'll be too stuck on him to get away. And he'd be a bad father.

Answer 3

You need to get out of that relationship NOW!! Abusive relationships start like that, but end so much worse! Please, for the sake of your baby, get out of the relationship NOW! If he touches you again in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable, tell him you'll call the cops if he does it one more time, and if he does, call them. I know it is hard to understand that he can do these things, but the more he does it, the more he thinks he has control over you. He could start hitting you, punching you, and put your baby in danger!

Answer 4

These are the 1st signs of an Abusive relationship.Pregnant or Not you need to get out of this relationship before he would do more damage to you .He is going to try and control you through your whole relationship and you are going to be very unhappy.Please break it off and get on with your life.

Answer 5

get help now from family our a councilor and run like h**l from this pig even if you plan to keep the child he will not make a good father

Answer 6

Hunnie, you need to get out!!!  Those 'little' things as you call them are only signs of the worse to come.  PLEASE!!!  I am begging you, for the sake of you and your baby get out now!  Go to a parent and tell them about the baby, I'm sure there are people willing to help you.  I know dear that you think you're in love but true love does not hurt, whether he's 'kidding' or not....he should not be doing that.  I'm here for anything, please let me know how things go.

Answer 7

The first thing to do is to sit down with him in a serious conversation and clearly convey all your concerns. If he's not taking you seriously or gets angry that's the first sign of a problem. Don't set any ultimatums because that'll cause unwanted tension in your relationship, but make sure to remind him often of how you want to be treated and how he's acting. If he's continues to be controlling or if it gets worse if you express your feelings about the situation, it's time to move on even though it might break your heart. Things will only gets worse if you stay with him and even more worse if you come back to him again and again.

Trust me, I've been through this.  

Answer 8

Listen girl i am being BLUNT .......read it carefully.

First of all at the age of 15 ur PREGNANT OMG.........also u say ur not sure wat kind of a relationship u r in........if u dont know d kind of relation u r in the how can u sleep with some one so easily...........can u handle d responsibilty of the baby if u keep it...U r still a kid n may b take pocket money from ur parents.......or else u will commit a SIN like abortion....wat u've done is disgusting..........wat ever it is now just get out of this rut tat u r in ..........he has no right wat so ever to hurt u physically (even emotionally)....ya but if ur parents come to know abt ur pregnancy how will they react.

& d last thing is is that u DONT love him to death...............d age tat ur in doesnt even know wat true love is, all u folks can do is be attracted to some , hang out & sometimes have s*x toooo early.

Straighten up girl ..............pay attention to ur studies.

Answer 9

get out!!! rigght away!!! u dont wanna end up dead!

Answer 10

You do not want this man in your life and you especially do not want him anywhere near your child.  You and your child will end up with broken bones or worse.

He is a classic abuser, doing the stuff, apologizing and doing it again. Being worse with alcohol is a very bad sign.  He don't really love you, he loves the power trip of controlling you.  The fact that he had unprotected s*x with you and made you pregnant is just one more control factor.

Tell your parents that you are pregnant and talk to the counsellors at your local abused women's shelter.  You have options for the pregnancy including adoption and abortion, but staying with him is the worst thing you can do.

You deserve much better.

Answer 11

I went to a medical forum (a pre-med experience) and a gynecologist talked to a few of us about domestic violence and to realize as soon as you THINK you are in an abusive relationship you should get out! Because if you've said you have only been in a relationship for a few months and he's already showing these signs then I wouldn't continue on with it. Things can get worse quickly and before you know it you could just be stuck there and wish you got out earlier. There's 3 parts to the cycle: The abuse, the apology, and he'll just do it again. But usually it gets worse and worse everytime because he thinks he has control over you. So either step up and tell him that if he really loves you he needs to stop what he's doing to you thats making you uncomfortable because obviously you aren't getting the vibe of him loving you by hurting you. If he doesn't cooperate with you then it's time to move on there's plenty of sweet guys out there that don't abuse you and actually care for you. It may just take awhile to find a guy like that, but once you do it will be worth it :) Good luck!

Oh, and I just read the last part that you were pregnant and trust me if he's abusing you he'll abuse the baby. He can start threatning you to take it at move away, you'll never know. Trust me, you and your parents can take care of the baby better than moving out. Plus, if he's 17 HE probably still lives with his parents. Your best bet is to stay home, not get an abortion, and if you don't want the baby give it up for adoption. There's plenty of families who cannot conceive that would love to have your baby.

If you don't want to do it for yourself do it for your baby - you deserve better than that :)

Answer 12

omg im so sorry ur pregnet and your only 15 did u tell you mom yet if you need any ferther advice you can email me [e-mail] its okay i beat you friends will be there for you and i think that you should break up with him or maybe not no dont break up with him but omg,tell him you pregnet

Answer 13

you need to let him go...i recommend bringing someone with you when you break up with him, just in case he tries to harm you. After the break, talk to your parents about your pregnancy. Then after your parents are informed, they can maybe set up a meeting with his parents and figure how you guys are going to tackle the situation.

Answer 14

YOU'RE 15 FOR GODSAKES GET OUT!  

you don't need this especially at this young age. This isn't love, even if you're pregnant that doesn't mean it's true love. You haven't experienced enough life yet. You're only questioning this because you're in denial it's common for women in abusive relationships, he most definately does not love you if he is going to do this to you. He wants someone to control.

He already is showing signs of physical abuse not to mention mental and emotional abuse. He drinks and smokes because he has a problem with anger and thinks it's cool to do. He's 17 not 21 so this is wrong. He says he's sorry so you'll shut up. All he wants to do is control any and everything you do it's a sickness. And by you staying with him is only going to make him think what he's doing is ok, and he wins per say. IT'S NOT ok by any means.

You don't want to end up at 15 years old in the hospital beat up and bleeding out because you now miscarried your child.

So be mature about it and break up with him. It is the best thing you can do. He needs to learn that it's not ok. Worry about you, not about how it's going to make him feel.

Have you told your parents or guardian? Cause I know for a fact if you did he would be out of the picture. Just stop questioning if you should be with him...you shouldn't. You're pregnant so now is time to be a responsible adult at 15.

Answer 15

Yes this young man is abusive. If he is like this while you are dating it is only going to get worse. If you are pregnant then do you really want to bring a child into this abusive situation? Please for your sake as well as the babies either tell this guy it is over unless he gets help for his anger issues or end it now before you get hurt.