I think im disciplining my son wrong

Question

He is my first and he is 11 month's old, I tell him No and he will go right back to it, I say it louder again and then he shake's his head NO..

and Keep's going back after i put him in the room for time out, Then a smack on the pamper dosent work either...and when i finally get upset i just let him have what he want's....Please help...Btw he is spoiled rotten and im a single mommy...any advise..?

Answer 1

try not to yell, it doesn't work.  

just say no, gently. of course he is not going ot listen to you, thats why you stay near him to quickly grab him before he does a huge and  dangerous no no.  

Answer 2

The problem with this approach, is this-  even at 11 months the child has come to realize that if he continues to fuss, you will give in and give it to him. That was my problem in parenting when my children were young.  They knew that if they continued to fight with me long enough, I would start to give in.  I had to change how I did things.  We cannot expect our young children, to not continue to want something. It can be extremely hard being a single mom with no dad to help discipline, but don't let your son dictate to you.  If it is something that you don't ever want him to have, take it out of his reach and vision.  This will help.  

Answer 3

Try to cut down on the spoiling in little steps then maybe his behavior will chan and he will stop.

Answer 4

this is normal kids of all ages are going to test the waters and see what you let them do.  I have a 12, 4 and 14 month old and they all test me at different times.  I learned that giving in does not work you have to stand your ground and eventually they realize the crying does not work.  See if you say no, no and no and he cries louder and louder every time.  Then he will know if I cry this loud I will get it.  Just be patient we all go through it.  And I am not single now but I was a single mother for many years and I know it is hard to do it on your own because now that I have a husband who backs me up when it come to deciplining the kids it helps out because when the crys get to bad I can leave and he takes over and I do the same for him.  But just hang in there I been through it and it does pass.  But he is normal.  

Answer 5

Yep, that's wrong. It shows to your son that all he has to do is push your buttons and you'll cave.

I would suggest saying a firm "No", and a warning. If he continues, then you start counting. Pause briefly between counting to allow him time to correct his behavior. When you get to three, he gets put in timeout.

Starting timeout is tough because many babies refuse to sit. In that case, sit him your lap for a time. It should be for a minute or two. IGNORE crying, screaming, etc. Once finished, then tell him why he was in timeout, and that he's not allowed to do that.

You have to be firm and persistent for this to work. Spanking causes more trouble later in their life, so avoid that if you can.

Answer 6

at that age it is better to distract and remove from the situation.  i found time outs start working at about 18 months - 2 years old.  under 18 months it's all about the distraction.  

never give him what he wants after you say no, you are sending him the message that if he persists he will eventually get what he wants.

Answer 7

Try using other words along with no so he will not just hear that word over and over. For example you could say "no touch" , or whatever. Also, set boundaries and stick to them. It may be easy to give into him now, but think about on 5, 10, and 15 years from now.

Answer 8

Good question, I'd like to know too?

Answer 9

Well, you definitely want to nip this in the bud before it goes any further.

Your biggest issue here is that you are caving in after repeatedly telling him "no."  All you are teaching him is that if he persists long enough, you will eventually give in and let him do what he wants to do--that is NOT the lesson you want to teach him.

With children that young, if it's just a question of them getting into something they aren't supposed to, simply redirect them to another activity that they are allowed to do (remember--he's just a baby).  The "NO!" isn't even always necessary--just casually walk him over to something else and try to get him interested in that.  The idea is to make it so he hardly notices that you are taking him away from the Waterford paperweight and redirecting him to the Duplo blocks instead, so replacing the "No" with an enthusiastic "Oh, look what's over here!" will focus on the positive aspect of the redirection. Then go back to the first thing they were playing with and put it out of reach so that he won't be tempted to go back to it.  If he's in a potentially dangerous situation, or if he is being destructive,then a sharp, firm "NO!" will get his attention, and if you are using it sparingly, he will probably pay more attention to it than if he is hearing it over and over.

He is too young to understand time outs.  

The best thing you can do is to examine your surroundings, and do a really good job babyproofing.  Remove any fragile or dangerous objects and place them out of his reach.  Make sure outlets are covered, stairs are protected, etc.  By creating a more child-friendly atmosphere of "yes" instead of an environment where everything is "No.  No.  Don't touch that," you are keeping the power struggles to a minimum while still allowing him to explore.

Babies are naturally curious and want to explore new things.  Just make sure he is surrounded with things that he is allowed to touch and investigate, and keep the "no no" things out of his reach.

Answer 10

Sounds to me like he is testing his boundaries, and also seem as though you are doing ever thing right up until you give up.  Consistency is the key, be firm and patient.  Remember that you are the boss.

Answer 11

Oh no.  Do NOT give him what he wants.  

It is common that 1 year olds keep doing the same thing even though you tell them no.  It's common even in my 2 year old too!  The key is distraction!!!  It sometimes works with my 2 year old and usually always worked when my oldest was a baby.  So don't put him in a time out, he's too young to understand that.  What is it that you let him have?  Obviously it's nothing too dangerous or else you wouldn't give it to him.  Is it something that he just wants to look at?  Maybe try holding it and showing him and then tell him OK, now we have to put it away.  If he screams, go over to the toys and say Hey, look at what this can do.  Give him a cracker, something, but don't scold him because he's being curious.

Answer 12

You need to be more firm he is testing you. When he toutches something he is not supposed to smack his hand (not enough to hurt it will hurt his feelings) and firmly tell him no don't toutch.

Answer 13

"and when i finally get upset i just let him have what he wants"

There is your problem. STOP giving in to him, he's only 11 months old! Once he realizes he's not always going to get what he wants he'll calm down. He's just doing this because he knows it works with you and you'll eventually cave.

Answer 14

He needs to stop being spoiled for one thing. He cant have everything his way. thats when they learn to step all over you. Later on it will get worse-with the tantrums in the store and stuff. Go to his level and try to explain to him why he has to be where you put him, tell him no and be firm. sit him down. and keep doing it til he actually gets the hint that you are being serious. he has gotten away with it, thats why he will keep doing it. but you have to start now it will get worse trust me.  

Answer 15

Pick your battles.  

If it's important to his health or safety, say 'No' & mean it.  If he doesn't get it, that he needs to stop whatever it is that he's doing, then he's not mature enough to learn that, yet.  In that case, you need to stop beating your head against a brick wall & just don't allow him access to whatever that unsafe or unhealthy thing is until he is old enough to learn & understand why he shouldn't be doing it.  

If it's not important to his health & safety and if you don't think he's emotionally or intellectually developed enough to understand why you don't want him to do that thing, yet - then either decide to let him do it from the start -or- again, don't let him have access to do it until you think he's ready to learn how to be polite.  

'No', timeout, spanking - any punishment at all - doesn't teach him anything, really, about why a thing is good or bad, safe or unsafe, healthy or unhealthy, polite or rude.  And, if he doesn't understand why he should be good, safe, healthy & polite, yet - then, it doesn't even matter if he learns the why, anyway.  

So, start out teaching him, in small steps, why he wants to be good, safe, healthy & polite.  Praise him for the things he does that make you feel proud.  Role model how you'd like him to behave.  Be sure to let him feel great pride in himself when he makes good choices.  Additionally, let him see that he's hurt you, a toy, his freedom, his pride, when he makes unsafe, mean & impolite choices.  

Soon, he'll understand *why* he wants to make choices that don't have you saying 'No' to him.  From there, 'No' will begin to work a lot better for you.  

Answer 16

The two problems I see are that you are getting louder and giving in.  You shouldn't need to get louder (it can signal losing control)--just stay consistent.  You may want to try a swat on the hand when he keeps reaching for the same thing he's been denied.  You may also need to place the item "out of sight, out of mind" for a while.  If he won't stop going after what you've said he can't have, just move it to a place he can't find.  He'll probably move on to something else to beg for, but he won't have won that battle.  I fear you are setting yourself up for major confrontation as he gets older if he learns persistency pays off when it comes to getting what he wants.  Make sure the things you decide to get firm on are important to you and then stick with your decision because you are the mom (if it doesn't really matter, you may want to let him have some of those things so he doesn't only ever hear "no" and then have you change your mind).  It is hard to be consistent when they are so small and cute, but that changes quickly. :-)  Good luck.

Answer 17

123 Magic!  BEST book I have ever read.  I was having the same issues as you and my neighbor (child pshyc.) suggested this book to me and I have fantastic kids now!  I have given many of my friends this book and they too swear by it!  Good luck.

Answer 18

Keep telling him No and tell him why ( ex..no, that is danger).  Do not yell, and pull him away.  Eventually he will get tired of the game, but you can not get upset, and you can not give in.  Parenting is tiring, but you need to stay strong.

Answer 19

say no once, and then count to 3 for each time he does it afterwards... once you get to 3, put him in his room for a time out.  Time-outs equal 1 minute for every year of age.  if he comes out and does the same thing don't give him 3 more chances... put him in time out after the first time.  For example... My son yesterday got out a big heavy spatula.  I asked him to put it away and he did not after i counted to 3, he went to time out.  I let him out of his room and he went and got that spatula out again.  He went straight to his room for another time out.  Don't give into him and give him what he wants... that is what he is trying to get you to do.  By giving him what he wants will only reward him for his acting up.  

Also you need to consider that he is only 11 months.  He is just starting to learn the right from wrong.  You need to be a little more patient with him.  Don't start to raise you voice... stay in the same calm voice the whole time.  

This discipline technique comes from the book 1-2-3 magic by Thomas W. Phelan, Ph.D.  it is working for my son... hopefully it will work for yours.

Answer 20

He's just behaving like a normal spoiled little boy.

The only thing your doing wrong is getting upset and giving in to him.

Be firmer and more persistent.

No means No.