I think my children hate me!?

Question

my children are very attached to thier daddy all 3 of them he is just the man. He had to leave 3 months ago for army duity ever since my middle child throws these hudge fits slamming doors hitting me and his brother and sister my oldest hardley talks to me unless he needs something he cant do him self and my daughter always stairs at his picture and just crys and wont let me hold her or touch her. I try to be the best mom i can and i dont know what else to do i am at wits end and i feel like my children are just not happy with thier mom what am i supposed to do! my oldest boy is 4 my middle boy is 3 and our daughter is 2

Answer 1

I don't think they hate you, but it is a separation issue.  You may look into some counseling to have the doctors talk to the kids and help out figure out what's going on.  But PLEASE do not put your kids on anti-depressants or anything.  They are young and do not need junk like that in their bodies yet.

Answer 2

well i'm pretty sure they don't hate you. they probably just miss their dad a whole lot. try to think of special things your husband did with them and do that with them. let them know that their daddy will be back and make sure they get in contact with him. they can write him letters, which im sure will be good for both you, your kids, and your husband, or maybe draw some pictures of him. get your kids involved in some arts and crafts that you can do together and maybe you should get them  a furry pet because studies have been proven that petting dogs, cats, etc. can calm you down. good luck and dont get mad at your kids for being distant, they're probably just sad their dad is gone.

Answer 3

That's a tough situation, as they need a father figure in their lives.  I know they have military wife support groups, you should see if anyone else is or has gone through this amongst them and see what worked. Outside of that, I wouldn't say your children hate you - I would just  they are young, confused, and can't grasp the concept of what is going on.

Answer 4

First of all they are to young to hate. Second Talk to them let them know you are there for them. When they get out of line you have to be the parent and to let them know your are still in charge. If you let them get away with things that are wrong they will  think that is okay.

Answer 5

Well, your children definately don't hate you.

They just miss their father, so they try to push your boundries, to see how far you'll let them go. Be a bit stricter, and they'll return to more like normal.

Also, all of your children are at the age where they try to assert independance. Thus, they basically try to be difficult. This is hard on your own, but try to set down stronger rules.

Answer 6

let them get used to the idea that they need you. it's just like a depression stage, i mean their dad's not there and they don't understand that he's at war and their confused and sad. but your their mom; since you're doing the best you can, then they'll appreciate you, and they'll always love you too!

Answer 7

i dont think they hate you they are just affected by thier fathers absense and children can sense when they can run over you. you need to explain to them that daddy will be back and put your foot down on the nonsense...i know you feel bad but its not helping them as people for them to be allowed to go too far with behavior. as a mother all you can do is comfort and discipline them .

Answer 8

It's nothing against you, they just miss their Dad. Do you blame em? He's in the military and may not be coming back. That is really hard for a kid. It's not your fault. Just try to relate to them as much as possible and put yourself in their place.

Answer 9

It is  more likely they just miss their dad. You are probably lonely and perhaps worried, and therefore a little more sensitive. When they get older they will realize that it couldn't have been easy to be left alone for months with three small children.

Answer 10

your children dont hate you

they just miss daddy

they are going through a stage where they just want there dad

just try to be mommy to them so they can come to you for anything

hopefully he will be home soon and everything will be well for you

good luck x

Answer 11

I'd guess that your children really just miss their father.  They are taking their frustration out on you, but it doesn't necessarily mean that they hate you.  They're still little kids and don't really understand why he is gone.

Have you considered family therapy sessions?  Maybe the kids just need somewhere to go to talk out their feelings and frustrations.  You can certainly try to get it out of them at home.  Maybe have a day to do things that they would do with daddy (did he take them to baseball games, or go bowling with them, or other things like that that maybe you don't do?).  Then you can all sit together and write him letters to send while he is away, and talk about how much you all love him and miss him.  There is no need to make it sad, so go for a more upbeat method.  "Today we're going to draw pictures to send to Daddy!  I bought you all new paper and markers, so let's make them really nice!"  If you keep the memories about him positive, and do positive things while addressing the fact that he is gone, it may make it less upsetting for them.

They don't hate you, though.  They just miss their father and want the family together.  You just have to do the best you can while you wait for his return...but keep reminding them that he will be back!

I wish you the best of luck.  It must be so hard.  My brother was away in Iraq for the Marines recently and it is so difficult...and I can only imagine what it is like to see your husband and children's dad gone.  I do hope he comes home safe and sound very soon.  Thank you all for your service to the country...your whole family is doing so much.

Answer 12

They don't hate you. You need to restore order in the house. They are missing their daddy and all that comes out in them. You need to sit them down and talk to them. You are in charge. Give them timeout in their rooms and don't easily give in. Once you show a little slight weakness they will use it against you. I'm sure you trying to be the best mom you can, its not easy.  Its not all about giving and loving its about discipline too.

Good luck and hope it goes well with your husband.

Thank you for serving.

Answer 13

when ur a mom with boys its pretty common they would want there dad, and the girl probably just wants to be like the boys. they dont hate u, u shuld just talk to them, or act more like there dad.

Answer 14

I was daddy's little girl and disliked my mother until I was 12.  Maybe its an age thing.  I don't know.  I think that a parent is to be stern when needed, and caring when needed.  If there isn't a define line between those times, it can anger a child and make them dislike you.  Even though we don't like to be punished or disciplined, kids do know deep down that its the right thing, and that you are only doing it because you care.  As long as you are there to comfort them when they need it they shouldn't hate you for it.

Answer 15

being a mom can be a thankless job! Daddy is the Big Great Cool One because he comes and goes - while old Mom is always there. Your kids don't hate you! Having Daddy leave is really tough on the little guys. Your daughter is just dealing with object permanency - she realizes Daddy is gone - wants him back but has no idea how to conceptualize 6 months. Your boy being angry is normal too. He thinks, on some level, that Daddy is gone because of him. I would take your kids individually and tell them Daddy is coming home soon, he had to go - he didn't want to, he misses them terribly. Maybe you could all make a 'ring chain' (you know those pieces of paper made into circles and linked together) that counts off the days till Daddy gets back. Have them all help you make cards for Daddy. Mainly, the kids are scared - It is SO hard on you - to have your husband gone (Meanwhile, you're here - terrified he is going to get hurt - noting hearing anything for days and days) and trying to raise three kids on your own. Maybe have dad send an email to each kid. You know a pic for your little girl , a note to the middle boy about how daddy is misses him and a note to the eldest about what a big boy he is being and how Daddy is proud of him. I feel for you mom :(. I hope it gets better for you - your babies love you and more importantly, they know you love them. You're doing a good job!

Answer 16

duh mommy is the disciplinarian. this is natural. same thing with a lot of ppl. just that most ppls dad don't have to go away like that and they are very young and do not understand. i don't really know if it is good to tell them that theyre daddy is a super hero saving the world, they might think that they need him to save them! i'm not sure i'm just 24. but good luck. i think you need someone to talk to. like an older woman who has raised her kids and dealt with this kind of thing. visit a nursing home or something?

Answer 17

No they don't hate you,you need to sit down with them and have a little talk with them.Let them know that you love them more than anything but there behavior is not accepable.

Answer 18

whatever you do.....DON'T BLAME YOURSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!

they are just going threw a big change with their dad being gone.......they are to young to even know what real hate is soooooo you shouldn't think that......the midle child is going to be the one who is always going to show every thing extremely openly......my brother dustin (middle child) was and still is the most difficult child after my parents divorced........just keep cool dont lt things get to you.........your other two children are just choosing a more solitary way to deal with this change.........keep an eye on them....... do something quiet with them, JUST play with them.....keep their minds and yours off the fact that daddy is not here right...now and if the issue comes up play it cool.... and have hope.....God Bless You!

Answer 19

They dont hate you. They miss their daddy.

I dont have anything in this feild [i am still young]

but try taking them some place your husband and you would do.

Or have a talk with them about how they are feeling.

Tell them to write a letter their dad [making sure he can write back]

Answer 20

Children often seem more attached to dad because he's away more. They want what they can't have, in a way. I stay home with our two kids and when my husband comes home, my kids are SO excited to see him. They never get that excited over me! It's because I'm the one who disciplines them, makes them eat their veggies, clean their rooms, and gives them time outs. You probably have a similar situation.

Your children don't hate you, they just miss their dad. Make sure you talk about dad a lot. Also, when your kids throw fits, say "how would daddy feel if he knew you were acting like that?" and maybe they'll respect that more. Kids are tough! Especially with so many little ones.

Answer 21

Sounds like quite the opposite to me. Your children are feeling alot of new and intense emotions due to their father's absence. Remember, they just don't understand! All they know is that everything is turned upside down.

Ever notice that often times we treat the cashier at the grocery store more politely than you would say...your sister, if you were having a bad day? This is what your dealing with here, I believe. Your children feel safe and confident enough with you to express all of those angry emotions without the fear that you'll say "hey forget this...I'm outta here!" so to speak. They know that you are going to be there, loving them no matter what.

I feel for you, it sounds like you have your hands full to say the least. Remember that your husband/boyfriend/partner is gone too. Take time (even a few minutes) for yourself each and everyday. Is there any friends or family members close who would be willing to help? Good luck...hope this helps.

Answer 22

I doubt they hate you. They are just reacting to not having their dad, and maybe they somehow resent you for him not being there. If you could explain to them, on a childs level, how he will be back eventually, why he's going,  that you love and miss him too, etc. They'll get it...