I think my daughter has developed an...obsession with a video game?

Question

She gets stressed really easily, so this summer I let her get a game, thinking she'd finish it quickly enough and get down to her studies.

I've always warned my kids about the dangers of playing too much, and how sleep is important and everything, but her personality seems to have changed.

Since she got it about two weeks ago, I wouldn't hesitate to say she's been playing upwards of eight hours a day, despite my constant telling her to get off. She's been staying up past 2am on the game (very unusual for her) and hasn't really been talking to her friends recently. She'll come up to me and rant and stress about the game every so often, even though I'm not exactly skilled in that area.

Yesterday, she told me she was doing the final boss, which was great, but a few hours later she came to me, crying, saying that she was 'so close' and she died. She's been crying and stressing the whole time recently and didn't even go to her music lesson because she forgot about it.

Is this serious at all? She's changed so much, so I'm worried.

Answer 1

Telling your daughter to turn off the game isn’t enough.  Be the parent, and take away the game, or take away the power cord to the console or computer.  Games are appealing, interesting, engaging, and stimulate brain activity.  Teenagers don’t know their own limits, like in many other areas, so it’s up to *you* to be the parent and regulate the amount of time she plays each day.  She may be unhealthily wound up in the game currently, but don’t blame your lack of parenting skills on some “obsession” or “addiction”.

Answer 2

I had that problem when i was younger, my mother would give me a time limit. It worked, I started doing more outdoor activities.

Answer 3

I use to be that way (easily irritable) and forgetful when into a game...

It is not serious and I understand her irriatation when your so close to

winning the game..all that time lost ....really frustrating!! It is easy

to fall into a game rut (addicted)

Games can be a great way to relieve stress and she is

using it to escape from reality...I use to be frustrated that I

wasn't good at alot of things and winning a game made me

feel accomplished.

However her slipping from her studies...not good...I would cut back

on her gaming use to after studies and a few hrs on the weekend

until she can get a grip of her school work and get out more.

I must warn you...she will be totally mad about .. Guaranteed!

A way to ease her hunger of boredom (as she will call it)...encourage

her to go out with her friends or with you to her favorite restaurant

or activity.

Don't let her make you feel guilty about, you are doing the right

thing!

Good Luck

Answer 4

Some kids do get addicted to video games, but it's hard to distinguish between a true addiction and just overdoing it because there is nothing they consider "better" to do.  You didn't mention your daughter's age - is it early teens?  Often this is the age when it's hard to find those "better" things.  They have no transportation of their own, too young to get a job, too old to be entertained by toys or home activities.

My son used to play games a lot, including late at night.  He would also get angry and stressed when he'd get a "game over" just when winning seemed within reach.  I think this peaked at about age 13; then he started getting busier with other things.  He would also spend many hours playing a game when he first got it, but the entertainment value would diminish over time as he would either beat it or get bored trying.

I would suggest asking your daughter about the crying and feeling stressed. Ask what is making her angry and sad.  I wonder if there is something else going on in her life, and if perhaps her stressing over the game is just her way of expressing that.  The game could be her way of finding a distraction from whatever is really bothering her or of working out her feelings.

I would tell her that her playing time will be limited once school starts.  Hopefully once she starts spending time at school, hanging out with friends, and doing homework, the game will fade into the background a little more. If it doesn't, that might be more indicative of an addiction.

One more thing I would add: changing during the course of a summer isn't unusual for a younger teen.  It might not have anything at all to do with the game.  It could all just be normal growing pains.  

Answer 5

this is rreally serious. im sorry but you have to just take the game away. send her out of the house or to her lesson or whatever and just take it and bin it. this is very unhealthy. if she carries on being depressed or anything i would definitely seek a doctor's advice. but if you just remove the game she might snap out of this phase. provide other distractions like planned activities or new books or something. i hope it works out ok

Answer 6

I would tell her she needs a break. When she gets home from school let her know you've taken the game and she can have it back on Monday. It's not punishment but you want to help her clear her head and she needs her rest. Tell her on Monday she can play for one hour a day but then she has to hand the game back to you. Put it somewhere hidden so she can't get it after you've gone to bed and play all night. She sounds like a ball of nerves, poor thing. She needs some fresh air and rest.

Answer 7

yes, you know you need to limit your kids exposure to video games... there's so much more to their lives and what they should be living for!!

you didn't mention how old she was, but 2 am is pretty late for most kids in school.... i would be putting my foot down on that sort of thing.  Take her out and do something new, she sounds like she could use a new hobby or experience... camping, snorkling,... whatever...  

Answer 8

Its a common problem of a parents these days. Children aged between 9-16, are actually stressing a lot on the games and ignoring the outdoor games which are far much better than those video games, As a Psychologist i advice that you try to limit your child game play to about half hour or a maximum of 1 hour in 24hrs..don't stop it completely, as its one of the easiest ways to improve concentration and good way to get rid of stress. try to help your kid focus on studies and health.. Take this as a serious matter, because i have seen a lot of teenagers who ruined their own life.

Answer 9

She is involved in the game, because its been such a short time I wouldn't say shes obsessed I would say shes distracted by it. Its normal for gaming people to be like that. There are some games that can get obsessive, most are on-line games that are interactive. You dint mention the game so I cant be specific. Sounds like shes wanting to win the game and is having difficulties but will get it and be satisfied. Remember you are the boss, if you want her to stop then explain to her when she goes to turn it on that she has a certain time limit and about 10 min before that time is up tell her to finish up. You can tell her when and how long to play. If school is in and she is staying up til 2 am that's wrong and you need to do something about it. If schools not in yet....you decide whats right. My kids play video games and they can get preoccupied with them if I dint intervene, but its usually just fun.

Answer 10

In my opinion, it sounds like there's something else going on besides the game.

However, the game needs to go. You won't be able to assess whether it's a problem because of the game or if she's using the game as a coping mechanism and is "hiding" from something else.

Gaming addictions do exist and if you think that's the issue then you need to start the process now to fix it. Get rid of the game and see what happens next.

Answer 11

Easily fixed.  Either put away the game entirely (and tell her it's because it's obviously stressing her out) or set a firm time limit (say, an hour, and before bedtime only -- anyone's personality would change if they're not going to bed until past 2 am and have to wake up for school the next day).  Don't just tell her to get off, actually switch it off.

Answer 12

You said yourself that your daughter gets stressed out easily and that's why you got her the game in the first place.  I think there's a larger problem than the game.  Also, it's your job to get her interested in other things.  Take her out of the home and do something with her if you don't want her to play the game.  It sounds like you need to talk to her and possibly get her some help.  Not for a video game addiction, but for something deeper than that.

Answer 13

Please, don't demand she stop and start fighting with her. It doesn't solve the problem. Explain to her that she needs to start getting more sleep and focusing on school. Explain that if her grades drop below their average (with of course reasonable variation, sometimes teens just have a bad chapter or week) the games will be turned off and kept off. Explain this ahead of time. Now. Tell her the rules, an let her decide what to do with them.

And remember: Video games are often the first step into "geekdom" If she starts showing increased interest in video games, support her reasonably. Maybe push her towards Massively Multiplayer Online Roleplaying Games such as World of Warcraft and Final Fantasy XI. These are good games that are fun and also social. Let her be herself even if that self isn't the average teen. People are always more successful and happy when they are who they want to be, instead of who their parents wanted them to be.