I think my husband has a crush on our neighbor?

Question

My husband and I have been married for 28 years. Over the 28 years I have never had a reason to suspect that my husband had an attraction to another women, even the one I am concerned about now.

We have lived next door to this women and her husband and family for 20 years. We go camping together, out to dinner together, we attend each others family birthday parties. We are almost like family. But over the last year the neighbors have been having marital problems and my husband is spending more and more time at there house, even if the husband is not home. He goes home for lunch every day and I recently found out that he spends his lunch at there house talking to her (she does not work). She was sick recently and found out that my husband called her to see how she feels and that he also calls her just to talk. I have told him that I don't like the phone calls. I am not sure if he is still calling her or not. What I do know is that is at their house every chance he gets. Every time I go somewhere he at their house.

I honestly don't think anything physical is going on, I just don't like him paying as much or more attention to her than me.

Answer 1

Hate to break it to you but he's totally banging her.

Answer 2

talk to him tell him how you are feeling you have been married for 28 years i am sure you husband will understand how you feel  

Answer 3

Maybe it's because of the overfamiliarity you all have formed over the years that makes him compelled to seem to "be there" for her now she is having problems with her husband, and he's trying to be the shoulder she can lean on a bit that is driving him. He may be kind of attracted to her, but I wouldn't count out the "helping hand" approach either.  Unless he actually does commit something with her, and you're not discussing this with them (since you've known her so long), then you're going to have this feeling. So you better get it out and clear the air with both of them. Put it to them in the frame of appearance sake if nothing more, you know how it seems to you and maybe others in the neighborhood if others there can maybe rumor about the situation.

Answer 4

I have walked a mile in your shoes...  The line of respect he stepped over was when you told him you didn't like it, yet he did it any way. The trust you had in your self, your husband, & your marriage has been violated, not only by your husband but by your neighbor too.  There is nothing you could have done to prevent this from happening. There is no excuse & there is no going backwards to try to stop it.  It was going to happen & it did.  

The question you really want advice on is how to handle it.  If I were you, I go take a long look in the mirror... Look at the woman staring back at you.  Give this woman a talking to!  Tell her what you would tell your sister or best friend had this happened to her.  And pay attention, listen to what advice you would be handing out...  

There isn't one person in this world who can treat you with ill respect, unless you allow them to.  You deserve better!  Now, go figure out how to gain that self respect back!

Answer 5

Honey... Keep a close eye on the situation. My ex cheated with the married woman across the street. She acted as if she were my good friend and my ex acted the same way to her husband. Just keep a close eye on things and good luck.

Answer 6

On one hand I think it is great that your husband is being such a good friend to the neighbors, but he needs to be a bit more aware of how much time he is spending there.  I think you need to have a heart to heart conversation with your husband explaining for you feel.  Ask him to take into consideration how he would feel if you were spending so much time with the husband next door.  

It isn't abnormal to develop a "crush" on someone and have it turn into nothing, but I think it is advisable to nip this one in the bud.

Answer 7

well, if it was my hubbie, i would leave and let him know i was going. then when i was sure he was over with this other woman, i would show up. if nothings going on then just say you wanted to come by and see how she was. has he said anything as to if he's going to stop going over there? if she's your friend then i would also talk to her. tell her that u understand she's going through alot but that there's boundaries when it comes to this stuff and you feel she's overstepping them. she shouldn't be calling your hubbie or seeing him that much. what happened to you? why isn't she calling you? really, i would pay a surprise visit over there, it sounds like something is going on.  

Answer 8

Don't listen to that first answer! but he has been with you for 28 years and if you didnt' suspect a thing then trust him...what i can tell you is, tell him you don't like it, be firm on it and when he goes, GO with him!!!

Answer 9

Listen he has been with you for 28 years. Is it so unrealistic that he wants to tap that? Let him have his fun, what do you care?

Answer 10

so he isn't cheating, you trust him, but you are jealous that he is being a kind and caring neighbour...

sounds like you need to grow up and get over your problems...

Answer 11

Maybe he just feels sorry for her  (as she goes through marital problems) and wants to be a good friend.  Perhaps you should spend more time with your female neighbor as well.

Answer 12

your husband need to realize that he has a home that he belongs in. he can be a friend to her but there are limits. they have thiir problems to work out so he should stay out of it. sooner or later he will be in the middle of their arguments because of the advice he is giving her. sit an talk with your husband and ask him if he has any feelings for her or what so ever. let him know that there are limits and that he is crossing them by spending time wiht another woman and not worrying about his. tell him how it makes you feel, that he is supermant to someone else when he has you at home feeling the way you do.

Answer 13

Physical or not, its still not right.  Tell him it bothers you and you don't want him spending so much time over there.

Answer 14

I didn't know old people get jealous.

Answer 15

Why don't you find out why he likes hanging out with her?  She probably is really friendly and doesn't ask him to do "husband duties" (mow the lawn/fix stuff).  Think about how you would be around someone else and treat your husband like that.

Answer 16

Sounds like he has some connection to your neighbor.  I would tell him how you feel.  You should be his number one.  

Answer 17

Tell him how you feel, and if this continues, tell him you want to move.

Answer 18

Tell him exactly what you just wrote. After 28 years of marriage, I'm sure he loves you and will respect your feelings on the matter.