I think that my husband is having baby blues or suffering from some kind of depression. Is this possible?

Question

I gave birth to our baby 3 weeks ago. I've seen some major changes in my husband. While I was pregnant, he was extremely excited and was involved in every class, every doctor's appointment, kissed and talked to my belly. He read books and was very attentive and caring for me. So, naturally, when our daughter was born, I expected him to be extremely helpful and excited about her. Instead, I feel like I'm walking on eggshells in my own home. He works from home, so he is here all day. I do my best not to interrupt him during his work, but if I say "honey" to start to ask him a simple question, he snaps a big "WHAT" at me. He is always complaining that he is tired, but he is the only one getting any sleep around here. The baby and I sleep in the living room and he sleeps in the bedroom. So I am getting no help at all during the day or the night. He has only changed 3 diapers the whole time we've had her home and one of those times he got angry at me for asking him to do it. He did apologize to me for that. Now he is crying at the drop of a hat. I've tried talking to him and offering my support, but he is very closed off. All of this is making me terribly sad and it's really hurting my feelings. I feel like he doesn't want me or our baby around. This is not the man I know at all whatsoever. He is someone totally different.

Answer 1

Men are horrible when a new baby is around..I mean most men..my husband at least..he works during the day..and is nor help at night...or on his days off..I can barley get him to hold her for an hour..and when he does he feels like I should be thanking him or something.

Answer 2

When we had our first child, the first three weeks were definitely quite overwhelming and most difficult (for both of us).  Neither of us were getting any sleep and we were getting on each others nerves quite a bit as a result. We were learning things on go (despite all the books/prenatal classes).  But luckily we had lots of help (family) during the daytime and we got over it.  I took couple of weeks off to help my wife/son and did as much as possibly could. I would spend hours holding my son, talking to him, and must have changed a hundred diapers during that time (and stil do).

In your case, it seems like your hubby is not just overwhelmed (which is normal), but quite down (depressed) and cannot relate to you or the baby.  Maybe he feels guilty that he cannot help or doesn't want to help. Hard to guess out what is going in his mind without talking to him.  Geting professional counselling may not be a bad idea here. Also would strongly advice getting some help at home as well (other family members) at least during the day.

Good luck.

Answer 3

It sounds like you two should have a talk.  Initially, I thought he might be like my husband who gets very stressed out and grumpy when the baby cries.  Even if she's only crying for a minute, he doesn't have much patience at all for it.  He actually seems to get mad at her for it.  But, your situation seems a little different.  The "crying at the drop of a hat" seems unusual to me.  Maybe if you can have a talk with him, he will open up to you and tell you what's bothering him.  Maybe it's the stress of having a new baby or maybe something else is bothering him.