I think there's something else wrong?

Question

I'm fifteen and I've been diagnosed with severe depression. For over a year now, I've been feeling low for no reason. It's gotten worse all the time and I started withdrawing socially and having trouble sleeping. I got help for it and I tried counseling but I just couldn't talk. I've been on fluoxetine and risperidone for about a month now and they don't seem to be helping.

I'm sure there's something wrong with me apart from depression, which I'm definite I have. I am terrified every time I'm faced with a social situation - going to the shop, walking down the road, getting the bus, meeting new people. To the point where I'd just rather not go out because I get scared that people are looking at me and talking about me. I can't look people in the eye and I get really nervous when they look at me. I'm not independent at all, I've only ever gotten the bus on my own once because I'm so scared of walking down in front of everyone. I always take someone with me everywhere, I never go out alone. I'm even nervous around my best friend - who I used to be very close to. Because of this, I've been staying in instead of going out and I've drifted away from her. When I do go out, I get self conscious of things I'm doing e.g. walking and talking.

I also get paranoid about everything, sometimes stupid things. I feel like the people at Samaritans are laughing at me and belittling me when I write to them. I feel like my friends are going behind my back to betray me, and that they hate me. Not long ago, I accused my best friend of plotting against me because I seriously thought she was. I can't talk on the phone to anyone, not even if I know them because I'm terrified of it. I avoid situations like acting in school and meeting new people.

I have suicidal thoughts. I've attempted suicide before and ended up in hospital. I asked my Mum if I could go back, it's the only place I feel safe. I feel like I'll never get better because everything is still around me making me feel bad. I have weird thoughts like when we're driving I imagine myself grabbing the wheel and steering us in front of another car. I play it over in my head and wish it could happen, it scares me.

I'm sure it's not just depression. What's wrong with me? What do I do?

Answer 1

You need to see your counselor and tell them exactly what you have said here. They can help you with a plan to get over these feelings. Perhaps they might also change your medication. It does sound a little more than just depression.

Answer 2

Emily from what you have written you seem a very intelligent girl, very articulate and able to express your feelings and fears very well.

You do sound as though you need more help than you are getting.

Why not show your mum what you have written here?

maybe it would be a good idea to seek help again from the hospital.

Your condition does sound more complicated than depression.

Does it help to talk on YA,?  continue to do so if it does, but do talk again to your mother now.

I hope you feel better soon xx !!

Answer 3

I'm not a professional so my answer is just from my personal experience. It sounds like you're suffering from severe anxiety as well as depression, it seems like it's getting worse and it will carry on if you don't get the right professional help. You need to go to your doctor and try to be completly honest about the things you are thinking and feeling. If you can't speak then write down exactly what you wrote in your question and ask them to read it. It is possible that a doctor may put it down to you being a teenager (thats what happened to me)but just go to another doctor until someone listens. You say you're on medication, thats a step in the right direction, it may take a bit longer than  a month to start making you feel better. If you feel no better in a few weeks then tell your doctor and ask if you can try a different type of depression/anxiety pills, trust me there's one out there that will make a difference to how you're feeling. I know at the moment you're stuck in a horrible cycle of depression and it's just getting worse but trust me you can beat it and you won't always feel like this. You're so young and have so much ahead of you, so many happy times so don't give up.

Answer 4

Well, the paranoia can be a part of the severe depression.

But, when you are self-conscious whenever you go out(while talking, walking, etc) that sounds like Social Anxiety Disorder. Depression and social anxiety often are comorbid. You aren't alone, many people have this, including me.

Also, you need to get more help to better manage your depression and possibly other things. Whatever you are doing at the moment doesn't seem to be helping.

Here's some info in Social Anxiety.

http://www.socialanxietyinstitute.org/de...

Answer 5

Emily, First of all, thanks for your question.  You obvisouly can express yourself in writing but not verbally, I understand.  You have a serious problem and there are people here and where you are that can help.  I care about what you're going through.  I want to see you become a happy, healthy adult and fulfill your dreams you have for the future.  Do you have any plans for the future?  Maybe starting to think about that will help you overcome you current situation.  Most, if not all teens go through some form of what you are experiencing.  You said you asked you Mom if you could go back, go back where?  You go to school every day, so you do go out.  You should see an Ob/Gyn.  It often helps to be put on birth control for chemical imbalances.  That may be just what you need. I promise it will get better.  Just hang in there.  I bet you can't wait until you get older qand have this thing pass from you.  You sound like you have a pretty good self esteem just the paranoia is bothersome.  If you didn't, you wouldn't be on here asking for help.  That is a good sign.  When you get thoughts like you mentioned while driving in the car, dismiss them and think of something else immediately.  This will help.  Tell yourself that was a crazy idea and laugh.  Force yourself to think of the beauty around you.  Compliment people around you.  Tell them nice things and think nice things and pretty soon you will feel better about life.  You seem to be in a dark place and you can help yourself by thinking about wonderful stuff.  Read good books.  Go visit webshots and photobucket on the web, they have great pictures to fill your mind with beauty.  I wish you all the best and take care.  You'll come out of this on the other side and be so happy because you survived a very rough period in your life.

Answer 6

Well firstly you really need to talk to your mum or someone you trust, keep taking the drugs it could take awhile before they kick in & if you don't feel better go back to your doctor.  Stick with the counselling these individuals are experienced & will get you talking eventually its there profession they will understand & eventually will be able to help you.  I really don't think this is the right place for you to be looking for help/information but I will tell you what I think:

Everything you have said really does point in the direction of severe depression: lack of sleep, not being able to funtion socially, suicidal thoughts are all but a few of the many symptoms of depresion. You will get through this but you need to be honest with yourself talk to your family, friends etc they will help you through this this won't go away overnight but if you get the help now (by talking to your doc) things will change and soon you will be back to yourself & wonder what all the fuss is

Answer 7

I suffer from the same thing its got better over the years.Its something you have to fight and rise up against if you want to live a better life.Honestly don't let this rule your life if you can help it.I never ever took medication because i wanted to beat it by myself and still be me.

Answer 8

Hi there,

Severe depression can cause other problems such as paranoia. Also with depression many people withdraw and then begin to fear being part of the world and interacting which leads to social phobia or social anxiety..which is what it sounds like you have also. You need to go back to your GP and explain how you feel and tell them you don't think the anti depressants are working. anti-depressants are trial and error, sometimes it takes a while to find one that works for you. You should also consider trying counselling again. Most people find it hard to talk so it's understandable but maybe it's worth giving it another shot when you feel so low.

I was in hospital earlier in the year for about 3 months and after being there I felt i didn't want to leave, it was the only place i felt safe. I hated going home at all. I feared being out again and having to cope on my own with things. I seen so many patients go through this, its called becoming institutionalised and because of this most psychiatric wards don't like admitting patients unless nesscary as they worry you will become dependant on it. There's also the reality that you cannot stay there forever. I know this is scary, believe me it scared me too but sometimes it's best to try and keep yourself out of hospital unless you are severly at risk because you always have to come back out and try to read just and that is a very hard thing to do, which you probably already know.

Talk to your mum and any health professional you see or make an appointment at your gp and explain all of what you said here and they should be able to help you more.

best wishes

x

Answer 9

It sounds like you need to see a doctor urgently. You may need to try a different medication. I went through a similar thing between the age of 13 and 15 and I know how hard it is.(I'm 27 now) I could not even leave the house by myself to post a letter at the end of my street, I would end up shaking and thinking everyone was staring at me, I would end up seeming really weird when I met new people as I would clam up and felt physically unable to speak so just stay silent even when they addressed me! I gradually regained my confidence when I was fifteen. Since then I have suffered mild bouts of depression or anxiety but I make sure I get straight to my GP if I start to feel that way. If you feel your GP is not taking you seriously or not doing enough you should ask to see another doctor.

Answer 10

Paranoia can be part of depression, and you're very paranoid that there's something else wrong. You can go into hospital for a short spell, a psychiatric hospital, its not full of loonies or anything just normal people like yourself with depression, OCD, recovering from suicide attempts, recovering from a family member dieing, all sorts of people, to get away from the pressures of every day life. You live there for a short period, go to therapy sessions, meet people like yourself,  and you're free to leave when you like if you just go in there voluntarily. Talk to your GP about it