I this a crappy short story? (I wrote it)?

Question

http://abriannapeto.deviantart.com/art/Out-of-Body-Expeirience-84716189

It's a bit to long for me to easily put it on here...

btw, I'm 15.

Answer 1

Honestly, I think it's really good!

I'm 15 and I write stories and poems (also on dA. I'll add you). The only improvement I think you could make is adding a little more of her emotions in there. Was she scared, did she find the experience peaceful and calming? Was she confused? etc...

But, overall, I do think it is a good story. Keep up the awesome work.  =]

Answer 2

that was a very good story. if i where you i would continue that story on even more. i am even righting my own story. not a short story but an actually book. if you want to i can e-mail it to you.

i am 15 as well. its good to no there are other people with creativity.

Answer 3

i think its really awesome..i just think there could be more to the ending, it just ends very abruptly.

Answer 4

is that the end? I don't get what happened? Sorry, I'm having a bit of a brain f**t today.

Answer 5

The beginning needs clarity. I couldn't really follow what she was doing. The middle is great. I liked it a lot, but the end, I found to be somewhat cliche. It would have been better for the mysterious man to be someone she knew but hadn't heard from in a long time. It would make her loss of all senses but touch, understandable, as if their voice and presence had revived her, being her only reason for living.

Answer 6

OMG THT IS FLIPPING AWESOME!! its like sad and happy at the same time i almost cried! the only advice tht i could give u is to rephrase some of the sentences. LOVE ITT

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